SIZZLER: Angie’s Wild Ride

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God, I miss the pre-Brad-and-pre-adopting-half-of-Africa Angelina Jolie. Check this out:

I want to start out by saying I’m Bi-sexual but this happened in a
straight bar. I was in the ladies room of an L.A.bar when two girls
came in and were fooling around in the next stall. Then there was
shouting and one of them left. The other girl was crying at the sink
when I came out. She was VERY intoxicated. She was also one of the most
beautiful, exotic women I had ever seen before or since.

The story gets very Penthouse Forum from there. Not that I’ve ever read Penthouse Forum… I’m just assuming. Read the rest of the not quite safe for work Angelina Jolie story here. The woman sharing the story withheld her name and her location, so there’s really no way of ever finding out if this is true or not… but you know what? In my mind- it is. And that’s all that matters.

Link via Gawker.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: South Park’s Scientology Episode

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Tom_cruise By now you’re well aware that Isaac Hayes has left South Park (we’ve mentioned it a couple of times.) In the words of Eric Cartman, Hayes got sand in his vagina over a November episode of the show that poked fun at Scientology.

What was so bad about the episode that poked fun at Tom Cruise, John Travolta, R. Kelly, and L. Ron Hubbard himself? Well, see for yourself:

You can download some clips here. Or, if you really have time to kill, watch the whole damn episode here.

So what do you think? Is Chef over-reacting, or is this episode really the worse thing to happen to South Park since Mecha-Streisand? Your call.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Office Space as Thriller

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When Office Space came out in the mid 90′s it was way ahead of its time. Humour about the mundane was trumped by Quentin Tarantino-esque pop-violence. Well imagine how successful the sleeper hit would have been if they packaged it as a crime thriller. Ron Livingston would probably be headlining a 16 Blocks by now. (via daily sixer)

While You Were Checking Your Faucets For Beer

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…Of The Day

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QUOTE: "Years ago I asked my dad for a boob job and he said it would cheapen my image, and he’s right." –Paris Hilton (Egotastic)

KISS OFF: Isaac Hayes tells Matt & Trey to suck on his chocolate salty balls– Chef quits South Park. (Yahoo)

ANNOYING TIMEWASTER: Hum along to just about every TV theme song from the 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s… just try to stop yourself. (Retrojunk)

‘FULL HOUSE: THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY’ MATERIAL: Dave Coulier goes wild. (Cityrag)

CATCH PHRASE: Gotsar a malenka. (or whatever the hell it is Uncle Junior is saying in this clip.

BARGAIN: Michael Keaton is willing to work for $100/day. And who said Jack Frost killed his career? (CNN)

TIVO ALERT: Howard Stern on Letterman tonight. Sorry Les (don’t fire me.) (CBS)

Calling All Tyra Fans!

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If you’re as big a fan of Tyra Banks as we are then being a guest on her life-changing show would probably be a life-changing dream come true. We visited the life-changing Tyra website to see what kinds of shows they’ve got coming up and to our surprise, the producers are planning a show about Tyra! They’re looking for guests that feel passionately about the talk show host:

Are you Tyra’s number one fan?  Do you dream of one day meeting Tyra face-to-face?  Have you been inspired to accomplish a dream or overcome great odds because of something that Tyra said or did? Have you done something wild, or even embarrassing, hoping to get the chance to see or meet Tyra? Do your friends and family love to tell funny stories about how much you admire Tyra?

While the Best Week Ever family loves to tell funny stories about Tyra, she already knows how we feel about her.  This is your chance to give back; you owe her that much. Be a guest on the show!

Is Haldis Gundersen Having the Best Week Ever?

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You’ve probably never heard of Haldis Gundersen, but once you hear her story, you might want to get to know her so she’ll invite you to her house:

By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the [Big Tower Bar] in Kristiandsund, western Norway…accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen’s apartment. "We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."

The beer was flat, but I still think that deserves a full-throated "Dude!" and Gundersen has to be considered a candidate for Best Week Ever status.

WHILE YOU WERE SPANKING YOUR SECRETARY

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  • Sharon Stone insisted that her full-frontal nude scene in Basic Instinct 2 should be “disturbing,” “threatening” and “brazen.” I’m sure she got a lot of pushback from the studio on that one.
  • Speaking of disturbing, threatening, and brazen, the spanking scene from Secretary was voted the sexiest moment in film. Least sexy? The full-frontal nude scene from Basic Instinct 2.
  • Isaac Hayes has quit as Chef on South Park because he doesn’t like the show’s take on religion. I don’t either because those guys give God the shaft. 
  • A judge has kept alive Colin Farrell‘s lawsuit to prevent distribution of a sex tape he made with his girlfriend. The judge’s name? John T. Partipooer.
  • Hell’s Angels are trying to prevent Disney from using their logo in an upcoming movie called Wild Hogs, which stars Tim Allen and John Travolta. It all started when Robert Iger leaned against one of their bikes, knocking it over, starting a chain reaction that knocked over a bunch more like dominoes.
  • Scott Weiland says that Axl Rose is a hypocrite who disappoints fans
    and is incapable of writing songs. He wrote on a website: "Get a new
    wig motherf**ker….Your unoriginal, uncreative little mind, the same
    mind that had to rely on its bandmates to write melodies and lyrics.
    Who’s the fraud now bitch?" The answer is, of course, all of the above.

One Sweet Bangle

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SweetWhat happens when you combine one of the best pop-rock artists of the 90′s (before "pop" was considered a dirty word) and one of the hottest rock chicks of the 80′s? You get Sid ‘n’ Susie, a side project of sorts featuring Matthew Sweet and The Bangles’ Susanna Hoffs.

Go to their MySpace page and listen to their covers of the Velvet Underground, the Beatles, and the Bee Gees. Okay, you can skip the Bee Gees one if you want.

As a student of VH1′s Behind The Music, I have to warn Matthew about something before the two embark on a musical career together (they’re playing South By Southwest this weekend): don’t let Susanna’s unparalleled sexiness tear the band apart. It caused problems with The Bangles, and it has the potential to break up Sid ‘n’ Susie as well. Just let her be the sexy one, okay Matthew? Think you can do that? Great.

(Oh, and in case you were worried, these pictures are proof that Susanna’s still got it. The years of walking like an Egyptian have done her well.)