While You Were Enjoying The First Day of Spring

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  • Eva_and_tony_1 Sales of the Notorious B.I.G.’s 1994 album "Ready To Die" have been halted after a jury decided it uses illegal samples. It only took 12 years to come to a conclusion, so the judicial system is calling it a success.
  • It’s a boy! for Donald and Melania. The baby is healthy, and is rumored to already be working on his combover.
  • Eva Longoria announced that she had to teach boyfriend Tony Parker how to please her in the bedroom because he’s so sexually inexperienced. And there you have it– the downside to sleeping with Eva Longoria.
  • Daniel Craig is all set to show full fronal nudity in the new James Bond movie. We’ve come a long way from Pussy Galore, haven’t we?
  • The small Italian town of Cernobbio is upset that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt didn’t get married there this weekend. The cultural significance of Cernobbio is now expected to revert back to zero.
  • Tori Spelling’s parents refuse to talk to her. Things just haven’t been the same since Donna Martin graduated.

Child Abuse

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Tom and Katie, in another brazen attempt to assert Cruise’s raging heterosexuality, inflict even more emotional trauma upon the increasingly abused psyche of young Connor.  For shame.

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…Of The Day

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HEADLINE: Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames (WOAI)

THE ‘WHAT WERE THEY SNORTING’ NEWS: Kate Moss is on the short list for the Celebrity Mother of the Year award. (FemaleFirst)

MP3: It’s still The Sopranos Megamix: Do The Malanga! (Download it here)

HISTORY LESSON: The History of St. Patrick’s Day (The History Channel)

MAGAZINE COVER: This week’s Celebrity Living. It features pictures of Hilary Duff, Nicole Richie, Kelly Ripa and Lindsay Lohan with the headline "Toothpicks!" (Hollywood Rag)

IRONIC PARENTING ADVICE: The NY Post, helping out Britney Spears. Um, have you ever read the NY Post? They shouldn’t be giving advice to anybody on anything. (PopSugar)

WHILE YOU WERE URGING YOUR FRIEND TO DATE GEORGE CLOONEY

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  • Jennifer Aniston‘s friends are reportedly urging her to go after George Clooney. She might want to talk to Teri Hatcher before she goes that way.
  • Jerry Seinfeld‘s wife Jessica recently told a friend she’s sick of him going on tour. She reportedly said, "Husbands. Who are these people?"
  • Claudia Schiffer won "significant damages" from a legal battle with her former chef. That will show him to burn her wienerschnitzel!
  • Tupac Shakur will join the ranks of celebrities sculpted in wax at Madame Tussaud’s in Las Vegas. It’s nice to know Bono will have company
  • Simon Cowell made his picks for the three top finalists of this season’s American Idol yesterday. "The bald-headed kid and the guy with gray hair…and Kellie Pickler." Way to learn those names, Simon. I’m guessing Pickler has a leg up right now. 
  • Kevin Federline has cut off his hair for a charity group that makes wigs for cancer patients. My K-Fedish just got even stronger!

Bold, Bald, Beautiful Actresses: A Poll

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Natalie Portman (1) shaved her head for her role in V for Vendetta, but she’s not the first actress to do go bald for her art. Sigourney Weaver (2), Demi Moore (3), and Persis Khambatta (Ilia from Star Trek, 4) all sported a chrome dome at one time.

The poll question is, Who pulled it off the best?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Joe Rogan vs MySpace Kevin Comes Full Circle

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Well, it was right here on the BWE blog that you first discovered the epic online war being waged by Joe Rogan upon a college student known only as Kevin.  The story has now spread to countless blogs and media outlets across the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway), but we think it is fitting that the final chapter in this bloody saga be posted right back here where it started.  So, in case you missed last week’s episode of Best Week Ever (for which there is no excuse!), here is our segment dedicated to the bravery and heroism of "Internet Warriors" Joe Rogan and MySpace Kevin.

While You Were Wishing You Could Go Drink With Your Unemployed Friends

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    Brad Pitt’s
    family wants him to marry Angelina Jolie immediately. You know, so he can finally make an honest woman out of her.
  • Gabe Kaplan approves of the upcoming Ice-Cube version of Welcome Back Kotter. He also approves of anything else that will get his name back in Variety.
  • Marilyn Manson is teaming up with Keanu Reeves for a new movie. Whoa.
  • The Strokes and the Beastie Boys have both played surprise shows at South By Southwest. I don’t have a joke here… I just really wish I was there.
  • Were Pete Doherty and Daniel Radcliffe separated at birth? If so, I can’t wait to see the next Harry Potter movie: Harry Potter And The Quest For A Fresh Vein.
  • Nick Cannon is getting trashed by his ex-girlfriend, Christina Milian. I believe the appropriate response to this story is a hearty "Ohhh snap!" Isn’t it?

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • A long time ago, a crazy man named Luixy Toledo sent Michael Jackson a bunch of songs, and one of them ("Exorcism") sounded like "Thriller." You should go to WFMU’s site to get the whole story and hear the song. It doesn’t sound much like "Thriller."
  • Backbeat has some wonderful music: "My Favorite Things" (John Coltrane), Muppets‘ "Mahnamahna" song, Super Mario Brothers theme (London Symphony Orchestra), and "Get Into Something" by the Isley Brothers
  • Scroll down at Soul Sides to find Junior Parker‘s version of "Taxman."
  • Here’s a real earful from Anticon called "More From June," via the Mirror of Eye.
  • Mashup Town has DJ not-I with a mashup of Nirvana‘s "All apologies" and "Make You Feel That Way" by Blackalicious.