I hate to do this, but I’m about to break Lindsay Lohan’s heart (or at least ruin her summer plans.) The actress recently told Interview Magazine that she’s so smitten with new British boyfriend and Carte Blanche lead singer Jamie Burke, she plans to move to London for the summer just to be closer to him.
But unfortunately, I don’t think Jamie’s going to be there. BWE just received a email from his band’s booker that reads: “Carte Blanche will play live at parties this summer in the Tri-State, PA & New England areas.” Sorry Lindsay, but if you want to spend time with Jamie, forget London. This summer’s all about weddings and bat mitzvahs in Southern Jersey.
From describing jail as “awesome” to violating her probation to threats of expatriating, the long story of Michelle Rodriguez and her legal troubles finally appears to be over, as she was let out of her 60-day sentence after serving just 4 hours and 20 minutes, which she described as “totally badass” before heading off to get drunk and drive somewhere so she can go back again soon. Michelle fought the law and Michelle won.
Silkworm Nooboo Pitt-Jolie is hardly even two days old, and the AOL Moviefone blog has already created speculative photo composites of what the child might look like, from now throughout its teens. In the heat of their ‘babymania’, they’ve even gone so far as to mock up images of what the child’s non-existant brother would look like. Is this finally the last of the famous pregnant people? Can we all stop worrying about other people’s kids now? Are there no condoms in Hollywood?
It’s here, the official Snakes on a Plane website, complete with videos, games, downloads and lots of other time-wasters to prepare you for the cinematic experience of discovering what in fact happens in the terrifying hypothetical situation of there being deadly snakes…on a plane.
Aint It Cool News took a break from furiously masturbating over all the latest trailers for Superman Returns to tell us about something truly cool and awesome: a sequel to the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic, Road House. “What is Road House“, you ask? Um, only the awesomest movie ever made. I mean, this is a film that features Patrick Swayze boning Kelly Lynch against a wall while Otis Redding plays in the background (NSFW, or anywhere else really). And some of the most elaborately choreographed fight scenes ever created – awesome even when they’re sub-titled in Spanish! I’d like to see the fancy-pants Matrix movies top THAT kind of action! So yeah, there’s gonna be a sequel called Road House 2: Last Call, but for some insane reason, it won’t have Patrick Swazye or his beautiful voice in it, so who knows? Now here’s an anime version of his hit song, “She’s Like the Wind”.
According to new reports, Britney Spears has officially kicked Kevin Federline out of her bed and out of her life, and her publicist has not denied the claim. After trying work it out, Britney reportedly returned from her trip to New York to find K-Fed smoking weed in the house. So now Federline has been banished to live in the basement of their California mansion. But Kevin isn’t worried. With a lava lamp and a few bean bag chairs, it’ll be even sweeter than his mom’s garage.
Madonna and Michael Jackson. When I was a child in nursery school, that was my answer to the question “If you could choose your parents, who would you choose.” You could only imagine how I would’ve turned out.
Throughout the years, celebrities have coupled up and popped out children (like this one in the Best Baby Ever onesie) left and right. These kids, who are born rich and famous, seem to have it all: money, power, groupies (?), and to top it all off– super cool celebrity parents. With some of these Celebrity Parents you can’t help but look at them and wish that you were the one calling them Mom and Dad– Upgrade! But with other couples, you’re glad that you’re not the one being dragged around in front of the paparazzi with them– Downgrade!
If you’re like me and desperate for the summer to end and LOST to return, Something Awful has put together this hilarious “secret memo” spoof supposedly written by Damon Lindelof, the show’s head writer. Below are some excerpts from his “preliminary ideas for next season”: