Celebrities are just like you or me, only they’re harboring deep, dark secrets from their past that’s eating away at their souls. While they’d rather forget that their mom was in porn or that they used to be "a juggling-unicycle riding clown," we won’t let them. Here’s a comprehensive list of the 50 Best Celebrity Secrets Ever. Unfortunately, there’s no mention of a botched diamond heist or a prostitution ring, but I did learn that Reese Witherspoon flushed her sinuses for cash.
Have you ever seen those bulletins on MySpace where people are encouraged to shuffle their iPods and post the first 5-10 songs that come up for all to see?
Well, the Onion AV Club had a brilliant idea and decided to play this game with a few (minor) celebrities including Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard, comedians David Cross and Eugene Mirman, Modest Mouse’s Issac Brock and more. Check the songs that these folks are listening to — and why.
When you’re done, shuffle your own iPods and post the first 5 songs that come up in our comments section. Be honest! No one here will judge you for your love of Billy Joel (seriously, he’s good).
The troubled couple have reportedly been seeing Dr. Irene Kassorla, a couples therapist, for months in a last ditch effort to salvage their relationship. We know Brit and Kevin are very busy people, so we decided to do a little background check on Kassorla to see if she’s up for the task. The news isn’t good: Turns out the Beverly Hills doctor was Monica Lewinsky’s therapist‘s from 1992 through 1997–when the 21 year old intern was hooking up with former President of The United States. Nice job, Doc.
As you surely know by now, Tom Cruise is considering suing Life&Style magazine for running a story that he is splitting with his fiance, Katie Holmes. Of course, people doubted the relationship from the beginning: he just wanted a baby (here), she was brainwashed (here, here), he’s gay (here, here, here, here, here). But what really gets me is the notion that they are together for publicity. Perhaps you’ve noticed, but the publicity that the marriage has generated has not been what I would call positive. And maybe you remember that Cruise was married to another tall beautiful actress that didn’t exactly quiet the rumors about his sexuality. And why would a budding star like Katie Holmes want to be eclipsed by one of the biggest stars in the world who, by the way, tons of people say is gay? What is worse for a career than being in a relationship that the public doesn’t like or believe? It just doesn’t make any sense at all. The only conclusion that I can draw is that Tom and Katie are legit and if there has been any brainwashing going on, it’s been done by Cupid.
Robin Hopkins is having the Best Night Ever! And our YouTube group is having the Best You Click This Link And Join It Ever!
HEADLINE: "Spider-Man Robs Comic Book Store" – Be sure to watch the hilarious video! (CBS)
HEADLINE RUNNER-UP: "Man’s shirt erupts in flames after he is shot by a taser" (Sun Sentinel)
SALES PLOY: Hiring pop singers to perform concerts to sell condos (NY Times)
PRETENTIOUS PITCHFORK ORGASM: They gave Liars’ new album a 9.0 and made up a new adjective in the process: "Berliniamsburg". (Pitchfork)
SHIRTLESS MYSPACE BRO: "UR NOT HERE BY ACCIDENT" – Indeed. (MySpace)
POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK: Trump calls Martha a "moron". (Daily News)
Last week Sandy Lakdar was a no-name French actress with a virtually unwittnessed MySpace profile. But after she was photographed with her arm around K-Fed this week homegirl got to add a million friends. But what we love most about Sandy is that she’s getting famous off a guy who got famous off a girl who’s actually famous. Which makes her famous twice removed. Which makes her still more famous than us.
See how long you can look at this photo of socialite Nicky Hilton and androgynous clothing designer/party monster Richie Rich before your eyes simply refuse to stop working:
"What seeing a Captain & Tennille show on LSD would look like."
ALSO: What happened to the Richie Rich we all knew and loved?