We Get It: Random Facts Are Funny

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Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.

Chuck_norris_againBy now, everybody’s either seen or heard about the Chuck Norris random fact generator. Go to the site and keep on refreshing your browser and you’ll be presented with a seemingly neverending flow of "facts" about your favorite Texas Ranger (named Walker.) It’s hilarious. Look at it now. I just did, and I spit out my coffee when I read "Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the f*** he wants." That’s good comedy.

But here’s the thing: it’s been done before. Back in April we posted the Vin Diesel random fact generator here on the BWE blog, and at the time I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I mean "Vin Diesel is the only man to run around the Earth at the equator and kill a wolverine in the same day" made me laugh harder than The Chronicles of Riddick– and that’s saying something.

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Nobody Puts Baby In A Well

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Baby Jessica, whose dramatic rescue from an abandoned Texas well was televised across the country 18 years ago, got married in a private ceremony, People magazine reported on its website.

Jessica McClure married 32-year-old Daniel Morales outside Midland, Texas, Saturday in a small chapel. 

According to our sources, Baby Mellissa is still on the market.

Papa’s “Ow!”

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When not playing with his knob, showing off his nodding moves and doing strange tribal dances, K-Fed has been working hard on his parenting skillz.  When Kevin recently took his infant son Preston in to get his ear pierced, big momma Britney apparently rushed to stop her brain-dead husband from blinging up the baby. 

Britney reportedly complained that piercing Preston’s ear would seem "trashy" – and coming from her, it would be hard to get any trashier without being in a landfill.  I guess Kevin’s dreams of turning his child into Vanilla Ice will have to wait another day.

The BWE Poll of the Day

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Over the weekend, Lindsay Lohan was hospitalized for cutting herself on a broken teacup. Apparently she had just gotten out of the shower (in Bryan Adams’s house) and was wet. And covered in lotion. She’s also been hospitalized for asthma, and for fever, headache, and exhaustion. So today’s question is: What will land her in the hospital next?

(Please answer in the comments section.)

How To Sleep In College

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BWE’s Pete Holmes is all about helping out. He’s that kind of guy. So if you’re in college and you have trouble sleeping, this is for you.

The most important thing I learned in college was how to sleep. I’m not even sure what my major was, but the sleeping skills I learned living in the dorms will stay with me forever.

Read the whole thing here. Hopefully Pete’s next column will focus on how to sleep with somebody in college. Just a thought Pete, just a thought. We’re listening.

Ben Seaver Thugs It Out

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After the very public ousting of Source Magazine’s CEO David Mays and president  Ray "Benzino" Scott, the embroiled magazine has settled on a new editor, Jeremy Miller.

Best Week Ever did a little digging into Mr. Miller’s past and discovered the new editor may have actually  played Ben Seaver on the long running sitcom Growing Pains. With the advent of this new editorial position that promises gang wars and violent feuds,  it’s clear that Miller– unlike co-stars Kirk Cameron and Chelsea Noble–has been Left Behind.