Bob Castrone ponders the existential implications of Wife Swap, Deal or No Deal, 24, The Apprentice and The Bachelor
According to the National Ledger, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be married on June 27, 2006. Apparently the folks over at Jossip did some digging around and found the happy couple’s registry at Tiffany’s (under the names Angelina J. Voight and William B. Pitt). Meanwhile, these guys are offering odds on a springtime wedding. Since you know it’s going to be in the summer, just place a bet and use your winnings to pay for the Tiffany’s wedding present!
- The Rolling Stones are planning their first ever concert in China. The tour will be called Crouching Richards, Hidden Jagger.
- Well, it’s Tuesday, so you know what that means – shambled baby Pete Doherty has been arrested again, this time adding car theft to his long rap sheet of drug charges. This rocker is set to self-destruct in 10…9…8…
- Reese Witherspoon will be paid $29 million for her next movie, becoming the highest paid actress of all time. Not to be outdone, Julia Roberts reportedly paid herself $30 million for a home movie she shot with cameraman husband Danny Moder.
- Athletic actress Hillary Swank is the inspiration for a new perfume fragrance. It’s called Stank.
- Is Lindsay Lohan now having make-up sex with ex-boyfriend and unlikely ladies man That Guy From That 70′s Show? Is there anyone this girl ISN’T boning? Could any of you get me in touch?
There has been a public outcry on our old posts over the Bachelor’s choice in last night’s show finale(even though we predicted it based on a MySpace profile). After dissing Moana and chosing Sarah from Tennessee, it seems he did indeed "travel all the way to Paris just to end up with the girl next door" (for a few nights and then back to hot Parisian women).
Well, to assuage poor Moana’s heartbreak (re: her new blog-poem "void"), we’ve decided to offer her a rose and this reminder of who Travis really loves after the jump.
- MADE-UP NAME THAT’S NOT FOOLING ANYBODY: Jane, instead of Jennifer (Aniston). (New York Daily News)
- AVOIDANCE OF THE WORD NERDY "Unconventional." As in, "Comic-Con draws on the unconventional." (USA Today)
- IRONY: Brokeback parodies. So there are 800,000,000 out there, all of them make straight characters look gay. But what’s ironic is that the original trailer for Brokeback Mountain made the gay characters look straight. (Yahoo!)
- CONTRADICTION: We said we wouldn’t do it, but here’s another Brokeback parody: Brokejack Palance. It’s just that good.
- MOST BELIEVABLE HEADLINE: "Clooney Denies Barr’s Genital Claims" (Contact Music)
- GEORGE WHO ACTUALLY TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS MISTAKES: George Michael, who said of his arrest that it was "my own stupid fault, as usual." (People)
- MOE SZYSLAK MOMENT: Moe takes a lie detector test. (Gorillamask)
- CHRISTIAN WEIRD-HOBBY HALL OF FAME: Christianitytoday.com‘s, starring Duct Tape Artist Melody Williams, Skunk Enthusiast Brittany Miller, and plastic-spoon collector Betsy Coblentz.
- BAD LYRIC: "I understand you been running from a man/Who goes by the name of the Sandman." America, "Sandman." (Granneman.com)
Male haircuts have been through it all. Remember the butt cut of high school days — made popular by the Furlongs and Leo Dicaprios of our youth? or the razor-friendly Kid n’ Play fade? How about the George Clooney circa ER Cesar cut? We took it and ran with it. Well thanks to Patrick Dempsey, 2006 welcomes the next male haircut : the flop top. The loose, messy, but still greased-up look signals both sensitivity and smoothness. A good flop top is wavy all over, long enough to be lustrous, but short enough to be non-confrontational It pairs nicely with facial stubble and engenders a kind of femininity not commonly found in past hair fads. If the metro-sexual haircuts of the early 2000′s signaled a breed of men who relied heavily on hair products, this new look only reinforces that sensibility. Requiring at least two quarter-sized scoops of pomade, this flowy man-look proves it’s okay to be more beautiful then the women you date as long as you’ve got a smug smile to go along with it. Here we christen the flop top with a handful of serum and a photo gallery after the jump….
Bruce Willis is courting model-slash-tsunami-survivor Petra Nemcova. It’s believed he won her over with his "You think you had it rough, you should’ve seen the reviews for Hudson Hawk" line.
- A street in Bakersfield, California has been renamed to honor Korn. The road is said to be fairly contrived, but still a favorite amongst aggressive 15-year-old pubescent males.
- Vice President Dick Cheney expected to retire within the year. Wants to devote more time to shooting people in the face.
- George Clooney swears Roseanne Barr never saw his genitals. That can only mean one thing: they must have done it with the lights out.
- The new Star Trek movie that Trekkies have been waiting for has been cancelled. Sad emoticon usage on the internet skyrockets to record new heights.
- The surviving members of Alice In Chains are reuniting for a series of gigs this summer. One guy in Oregon wearing flannel is stoked.
- Dancing With The Stars fan-favorite Master P will stand trial on felony gun possession charges, proving that the "P" does stand for "Possession" after all.
Bex Schwartz’s idea of the Best Night Ever involves The Simpsons, Dancing with the Stars, Grey’s Anatomy, the long-awaited ending of those goshdarn Olympics.
The potential new cast of Celebrity Fit Club 4 was leaked on several blogs today. While the new crop of dieters will bring their own baggage, based on the past 3 seasons, the producers have already type-cast each candidate. Here’s our guess as to which role each character will fill.
These old commercials feature what must have been the most unfortunately named product of the 1980′s. Before you get offended, be advised that these are REAL commercials, not just a tasteless joke. (Thanks to Lindsay for the tip!)