Please, Make More Brokeback Mountain Parodies

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Dear Citizens of the Internet,Brokeback_tothefuture

Over the course of the past few weeks, in the wake of the buzz surrounding the film Brokeback Mountain, there have been a flood of parody trailers featuring male characters from other recognizable films, cut together with the music and tone of Brokeback’s official trailer, thereby implying a previously non-existant homosexual relationship.  They’re hilarious, no matter how many times I see them.  In fact, you can find no less than TWENTY-THREE individual parodies at this site, all of which are ostensibly the same amazing joke, over and over again.

I come to you today with but a humble request: make more of these parody trailers, please!  Every time I hear those classic guitar notes, I am overcome with a feeling of warmth and comfort, for I know that I am about to be treated to two minutes of sheer hilarity.  The guys from Rush Hour, as gays?  You bet!  Matt and Ben from Good Will Hunting, but in a love story?  Yes, please! 

In order to help you out, here are some of my ideas for Brokeback Mountain Parody Trailers I would like to see:

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Oscar Week: The Nominees Before They Were the Nominees

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702_george_clooney_5Since it’s Oscar week, I thought you might like to learn a few things about the nominees for each category that they might not be so proud of. Today the category is Best Supporting Actor:

George Clooney

Matt Dillon

  • Turned down the role of Richard in The Blue Lagoon.
  • Failed to catch or even see a tarpon when he went tarpon fishing in Costa Rica.
  • Patrick Swayze was unimpressed with him while they filmed The Outsiders.

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Statistics on the Trailer For “Take the Lead”

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Takethelead3 Antonio Banderas has a new move coming out called Take the Lead. Based on the trailer, Banderas takes a challenging job as a dance teacher at a tough ‘urban’ school. While Banderas tries to keep the kids off the street with ballroom dancing lessons, it just doesn’t fly for these hiphop-loving kids. But I have a hunch he’ll get through to them, and he may even learn a thing or two about hip hop in the process. But that description barely scrapes the surface of this movie. So we had out statisticians breakdown of the elements in the trailer, to provide us with a better sense of what it’s really about. (watch trailer here)

Statistics on the Trailer for Take The Lead:

  • Teens holding basketballs/footballs: 2 
  • Students referring to Banderas as Mr. (first initial): 1
  • Teens using colloquial language that real kids don’t use (ex: "getting your flirt on"): 3

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LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Princesssuperstar
    Gorilla vs. Bear seems to be as smitten with Princess Superstar as I am. 
  • American Drunkard has a really nice group of live Josh Rouse tracks – be sure to grab "Feeling No Pain" and "Dressed Up Like Nebraska". 
  • You Ain’t No Picasso gives us his Nonsense Syllable Mix with all the la la’s, woo hoo’s and ooh ooh ooh’s you can handle.
  • Download an entire album from Memphis’ best kept secret – enigmatic singer/songwriter Harlan T. Bobo (then make sure to buy it when you realize how great it is).
  • MOKB makes a nice find with a few tracks from interesting newcomers Hot Chip.  Sounds sort of like a funkier, less techno version of The Postal Service
  • Fluxblog has a track that proves it’s possible to remix Radiohead without the result of sounding retarded.

Can We Trust Dave Chappelle?

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Chappellemovie_1

The website for Dave Chappelle’s Block Party has lots of good stuff: clips, trailers, photos, downloads (including IM buddy icons, music, wallpaper), and a poster contest. But a lot of them say "Coming Soon" when you scroll over them. How can we be sure he won’t bounce before he updates the website?

Don’t break my heart again, Dave.

Crotches of The Rich & Famous

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This morning on The Howard Stern Show, Joan Rivers announced that when she looks at her crotch she sees Willie Nelson. I’ll give you a second to digest that (not literally.)
Joan_rivers_4

Cityrag provides us with a disturbing image of what that might be like for Joan.

Of course, Joan’s statement got me thinking… if Joan’s crotch looks like Willie Nelson, does WIlie Nelson’s crotch look like Joan Rivers? And if so, do other celebrities have a similar problem? Like, for example, does Star Jones’ look like… say… Don King? Or does Nicole Kidman’s look like Tom Cruise? Or does Madonna’s look like Don Knotts? (too soon?)

I’m putting way too much thought into this. I need to stop. Now it’s your turn: what do you think of this possible phenomenon?

CINEMA’S GOLDEN ERA: Weekend Box Office Results

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Madea
Here are the top 5 films Americans spent their hard-earned dollars on this week:

1.  Young black male comedians dressed as cranky old black women seem to pretty much guarantee a large opening weekend, no matter how many times it has been done before – $30.25 million (yes, you read that correctly)

2.  Paul Walker sleds around Antartica and forms a touching bond with the dogs who pull him – $15.7 million

3.  Steve Martin desperately clenching on to his own relevancy – $11.3 million

4.  Not another stupid spoof movie – $9.2

5.  No one seems to be very curious about seeing George – $7 million

CENSORED: Drew Lachey’s Brokeback Moment

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By now everybody knows that Nick Lachey’s brother Drew won ABC’s Dancing With The Stars competition last night. The former 98 Degrees-er proved what I’ve been saying for years: Ex-Boy Band Members are much better dancers than professional wrestlers and aging retired football players. Finally, I have the proof I’ve been searching for.

The craziest moment of last night’s finale wasn’t Drew’s perfect freestyle, complete with a Dirty Dancing-esque leapfrog maneuver. Instead, it was his Brokeback Mountain joke… a joke that was deemed so "controversial" it was edited out of the West Coast feed. Want to see what all the fuss was about? Watch it here:

Scandalous! Check out some of Piper’s favorite Dancing With The Stars moments from this season after the jump.

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