This Day Last Year

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This day last year, Janaury 25th, 2005:

Harvey Weinstein made a bad decision worth $7.5 million when he purchased "The Matador" starring Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnon at Sundance, while Pam Anderson and half-pint hottie Stephen Dorff caroused in Park City. And back in the City of Angels, Sigourney Weaver got charged with driving under the influence. All in all, a pretty sh**ty day for our celebrity friends.

Milk Gone Wild

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There is a rather unsettling spoof of "Girls Gone Wild" here. It involves udders and is not recommended for the lactose intolerant.

Do the Badr-Man

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The Simpsons are going to the Middle East! Except their names will be the Shamshoons:

The Simpsons fans in the Middle East reacted with skepticism when MBC, an Arabic satellite channel, announced it would begin showing culturally modified, Arabic-dubbed versions of the iconic animated show. The Arabic dialogue laid over existing shows is actually fairly faithful to the original script. Nothing seems censored, but episodes such as those featuring Homer’s gay roommate or the visit to the Duff brewery are unlikely to be chosen for translation. And many of the more American inside jokes are simply glossed over.

Ned Flanders, the devout Christian neighbor, is now merely annoying — with no hint of religion. And needless to say, the relationship between Mr. Burns and his assistant, Smithers — make that Salmawy — has become strictly professional.

Some other changes:

Bald, chubby underachiever Omar Shamshoon works each day at the local nuclear power plant owned by vulture-like millionaire Mahrooey Bey. Every evening, Omar comes home to a family that includes his blue-haired wife, Mona, hyper-smart daughter, Beesa, and troublemaking son, Badr.

Now that’s winning hearts and minds.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Rocks-Rolls

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The indispensable Goldenfiddle reminded us that Jada Pinkett-Smith’s metal band Wicked Wisdom is playing Letterman tonight. Here’s a little description of the group:

There she was fronting the Wicked Wisdom, an otherwise all-male group of menace-rockers. Smith takes pains to present the band as a collective, but make no mistake, the actress-singer-wife commanded the attention. In fact, the audience of young men — few nancy-boys among them — were slightly taken aback by the sight of her.

Her eyes bulged like Jack Nicholson. A black muscle shirt revealed formidable triceps, which were taut like the rest of her. She did the devil-horn thing with her fingers, and her demonic tongue-waving would trouble even Linda Blair. Here could be the distressed, bastard hate-child of Henry Rollins and Diana Ross, I kid you not.

In the words of Paul Shaffer, “Yeah!”

Michael Jackson, Happy Homemaker

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According to Star Magazine’s sighting, Michael Jackson is becoming quite the everyday soccer mom. He was spotted carting his kids to Mall (in Bahrain), while sporting conservative suburban fashions(a black abaya robe traditionally worn by Bahraini women and a veil hiding his face), all while monitoring the safety of his kids (wrapping scarves around their faces.)

Who wants to bet that after their shopping spree they picked up some ice-cream sundaes(dippin dot’s and Elmer’s glue), piled into the minivan (the oscar myer weiner-mobile) and went to catch a movie(End of the Spear).

Kate Moss: Rehab by the Book

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Breaking news in the world of literature:

British supermodel Kate Moss, at the center of a scandal last year after being filmed apparently snorting cocaine, has agreed to publish her autobiography. Will Whitehorn, a right-hand man of Virgin Group founder Richard Branson, said Moss had agreed the terms of a deal with Branson, although there was no indication of when the book would appear on the shelves.

That coke scandal could turn out being the best thing that ever happened to her. Are you paying attention, young models?

Today in Celebrity Conception

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On this day in 1960, Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg, AKA Jean-Claude Van Damme, AKA the Muscles from Brussels, was conceived. Also on this day, there was an earthquake in Belgium, and the epicenter was traced to his parents bedroom. (The maximal intensity degree was V, in case you were wondering.) Finally, it’s almost too good to be true, but around this time the song “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head” was also conceived. Learn more about Van Damme at his incredibly awesome website.

Also conceived today: Chuck Berry (1926), Peter Boyle (1935), Pam Dawber (1951), Wynton Marsalis (1961)