Hollywood’s sexiest Namibian-nesting couple have finally set a date… to have their baby. It looks like the little f*cker just doesn’t want to come out. So if he doesn’t budge by June 3, he will be forcibly removed
by induced labor by us.
It all started with Brandon Davis calling Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch and it all ends here. Meet Juanita, a 20 year-old Los Angeles student and Lindsay Lohan fan/protector, who stood outside an LA nightclub and verbally destroyed Brandon Davis (watch footage here). Her killer lines like “No wonder Mischa left you” and “What does your own sh*t taste like?” have sent Brandon into Osama-style hiding.
So we tracked down Juanita and asked her over Instant Message how the whole thing went down: i just saw him and was like “hell no”
And if she has anything else to say to him: i wish i would have told him to grow some balls
Watch out Brandon, that’s just the beginning…Read our complete Instant Message Interview with Juanita aka Brandon Davis’ worst nightmare, after the jump.
If you didn’t catch Ellen this morning (or if it’s not required viewing at your work), you missed one incredible musical number by Jack Black. The entire show was supposed to be a musical and every guest performed a song. But Jack Black’s number will go down in history. He sings, he dances, he’s hilarious. So grab your lunch and take a few minutes enjoy a number that will knock your socks off.
Thanks to dalsie83 for Dropping this video of what’s sure to be the greatest Dog Vs. Man movie since Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch— Karate Dog. What makes it so special? Well, can you think of another movie that features a computer generated karate-chopping dog AND Academy Award winning actor Jon Voight? Didn’t think so.
Watch the video by clicking here now, then head over and Drop a link of your own. Oh, and set your TIVO for Karate Dog before you forget. You know Angelina Jolie will.
Last week on the subway I saw the very first ads for Comedy Central’s newest original series, Dog Bites Man. I’ve got to say, I’m not the biggest fan of the network that brought us comedy gems like Blue Collar Comedy and Mind of Mencia, but this show looks really funny. First of all, the cast includes the under-appreciated comedy genius that is Zach Galifianakis, who thus far hasn’t achieved any real breakout success despite being one of the funniest human beings on the planet. From the producer of Da Ali G Show, the mockumentary-style show lampoons a hapless local news team portrayed by performers from the Upright Citizen’s Brigade and Stella. While these folks don’t have the most successful TV-ratings resumes in the world, the ingredients for original, irreverent comedy are definitely there. Dog Bites Man doesn’t premiere for a couple weeks, so in the meantime check out a video preview here.
Buried a few paragraphs into Blender magazine’s otherwise pointless interview with 80’s hair metal godess Tawny Kitaen, is this interesting little nugget of gossip regarding Laguna Beach’s 15 minutes-of-famer Kristin Cavallari:
“I owned a store called Tawny K. We were painting on a Sunday and I get this call from these four girls from Laguna. Theyâ€™re begging me to please just let them see the store. So I did. When they start to leave, I get this feeling somethingâ€™s wrong. My boyfriend stops one girl and sheâ€™s got merchandise in her purse. The three other girls start hauling ass. I call the cops and when the girls come back, theyâ€™ve got pants, underwear, tops. They take them to jail, handcuffed, the whole thing. I donâ€™t press charges. Cut-fade, two weeks ago, thereâ€™s a split picture of Jessica on one side and this girl, Kristin, from Laguna Beach, on the other and my daughter is like, ‘Oh my God. She was the one who stole from your store.’ And now sheâ€™s this big thing.”
Let that serve as a warning to all boutiques, jewelry stores and Abercrombies in Laguna Beach – now that Kristin is realizing she’s not going to be the famous movie star she’d hoped, her fingers might start to get pretty sticky again…
We’re in TV purgatory right now. The shows we’ve been following all year are over. The summer shows haven’t started up yet. And tonight, the networks are running scared thanks to the final episode of American Idol. So what else do we have to choose from? Not much. TV Land is airing a show about our favorite TV Cars (I’m voting for KITT), Dr. Phil has another prime time special on CBS titled Escaping Addiction II (I’m voting for Addiction), and Top Chef is finally picking a winner (I’m voting for avoiding it). So that’s it. That’s all that’s on tonight. Those shows, and Idol.
Oh yeah, and some show called Lost. What, you thought I forgot?
Two other things to pay attention to tonight: Jennifer Aniston on Letterman and Gnarls Barkley on Conan. So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
During times of tragedy– be it 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, or 2004’s tsunami– one question people tend to ask themselves is “Where was God?” Well, now we have an answer: He was helping Pat Robertson work on his quads.
According to the Christian Broadcasting Network’s website, Pat has developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients, that allows his 76-year-old ass to leg-press 2000 pounds. Unbelievable! To give you a point of reference, Jesus only leg-pressed about 800 pounds. That’s a big difference.
Clay Travis over at CBS Sportsline has challenged Pat to prove that he’s not full of it. Robertson– who speaks with God regularly and recently announced that a tsunami will hit the US this year– will undoubtedly take him up on this challenge, because if there’s one thing Pat Robertson has it’s integrity.
You can view the ingredients of Pat’s magical shake by clicking below. Surprisingly “creatine” is listed, but “prayer” is not.
Brandon Davis seems to have started a firecrotch that just won’t go out. You HAVE to see this hilarious paparazzi video in which MTV2 funnyman Andy Milonakis imitates Davis’ infamous tirade on his way out of some Hollwood nightclub. I’m not always the biggest Milonakis fan, but this sh*t is pretty funny.