Are Nannies Having The Best Week Ever?

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First, Tom Cruise’s former nanny debuts her tell-all expose, "You’ll Never Nanny In This Town Again," which reveals her former boss’s CIA-worthy contractual demands.

Then Jude and Sienna reportedly split, making it possible for nanny Daisy Wright to enjoy more passionless, needy sex with the British dandy. And if that weren’t enough,  Wright may even get to relish in bed while Jude takes an immediate post-sex self-disgust shower.

Finally, Nanny McPhee, a British romp about a Nanny that changes one lucky family’s lives, premieres in theaters this week, to the delight of every ruddy-cheeked orphan from Londontown with narry a tuppence to his name.  Most American kids, however, don’t give a s***.

What Is Reebok Up To?

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Maggie Gyllenhaal is the next Christina Ricci: She’s doing ads for Reebok. According to a "spokesperson," Gyllenhaal is "a great representative for our brand, which is about promoting individual style." This is the first time I can remember a sneaker company trying to confuse people into buying their shoes.

Isn’t life grand?

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Life is just a little more comfortable for that charming clan of i-pod sporting vespa owners. Upon hearing that the 100-strong group, was moderatley inconvenienced when shuffling from french bistro to member’s only spa, a  brand called Scooterworks  created a device that allows scooter owners to charge and listen to their i-pods while breezing through their utopian city of choice. (Thanks Engadget)

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Meet Me At The Max

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I’m not sure why the folks over at SmitHappens put together a Kelly Kapowski video gallery. Is it ironic? Are they trying to showcase her bad acting? Are they trying to remind us of a simpler time? Do they really love Saved By the Bell that much? Do they want to make us fall in love with Tiffani-Amber Thiessan all over again? I have no idea.

Try not to overthink it. Just enjoy. Just enjoy.

The BWE Guide to Great PR

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Lesson #132: "Using SNL to Make Fun of Yourself, So People Will Stop Making Fun of You"

So you’re a celebrity.  And so you’ve very publicly done something dumb and/or embarrassing, and you’re getting endlessly railed on every time you open a magazine or turn on the television.  Something must be done to reverse this potentially career-damaging negative press – and fast!  Thank goodness for a little program called Saturday Night Live.

You see, ever since Lorne Michaels’ seminal late night comedy program decided to stop being funny and start being Access Hollywood, celebrities have been given the wonderful opportunity to appear on the show, lightly parody themselves and their latest hi jinx, then be absolved of any sort of wrongdoing or scandal in the public eye.  It’s a strategy that works, over and over again. 

1.  Drew Barrymore – After appearing bra-less on the Golden Globes (the "least supported actress", as it were), Drew Barrymore knew that she was facing a lot more than the catty comments of viewers who caught her performance on the show.  What better way to combat the endless "worst dressed" lists and tabloid criticism than by taking the offensive and inexplicably showing up in the middle of Weekend Update with big, floppy boobs as if to say, "Yes, I realize I should stop being such a hippie and start using a bra next time I’m going to be broadcast to millions of viewers.  Leave me alone." 

2.  Mike Meyers – When Kanye West abruptly shared his opinion of President Bush with the world during a live telethon for Hurricane Katrina, a genuinely shocked Meyers stood silently, wearing an expression of sheer helplessness and confusion.  People talked about his lame reaction almost as much as they talked about West’s bold statement, so in order to make up for his surprising lack of humor, Meyers showed up at SNL a few weeks later when Kanye was on the show to re-live the moment once again. 

3.  Paris Hilton – At the height of her sex tape scandal, Hilton appeared on Weekend Update to do a bit where Jimmy Fallon ostensibly calls her a slut.  Actually, this didn’t do much to repair her reputation, she just likes being on TV. 

4.  Paula Abdul – After being accused of having a "conflicting interest" (that means they were doing it) with an American Idol contestant, Abdul showed up on Weekend Update to make fun of herself.  The scandal was subsequently forgotten, and millions of people continue to tune in every week to watch the "fair judging of legitimately talented performers". 

5.  Lindsay Lohan – With seemingly endless tabloid reports of her hard-partying, anti-eating ways, LiLo showed up to do a "Teen Mentoring" segment with Amy and Tina on Weekend Update.  By the end of the bit, she’s managed to convince the audience that she’s actually a virginal health-nut who enjoys quiet nights at home reading before her 9pm bedtime.

And these are just a few examples of how SNL isn’t a comedy show so much as it is a Celebrity Public Image Repair Shop.  Coming soon: Tom Cruise’s appears on Weekend Update and has a threesome with Amy and Tina. 

Tom Cruise Doesn’t Want to See Katie Holmes Naked

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According to Page Six, Tom Cruise nixed a nude scene from his upcoming wife’s upcoming movie, Thank You For Not Smoking.

In the flick, based on the best seller by Christopher Buckley, Holmes, who plays an investigative reporter, and Eckhart, who plays a tobacco lobbyist, enjoy a randy romp. But while that scene was still in the movie when it debuted at last year’s Toronto Film Festival, it has vanished from the Sundance screenings, causing some to wonder if Holmes’ fiancé, Tom Cruise, used his staggering showbiz clout to kill the footage. A spokeswoman for Fox Searchlight didn’t seem to know what happened: "It’s never been altered," she said of the finished film. "It will absolutely be released with that scene. We don’t know what happened, but we’re looking into it."

So relax, all you fans of The Gift, help is on the way.

In Case You Missed It: Skating With Celebrities

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Some random thoughts that went through my head while watching Skating With Celebrities last night.

  • Coulier_and_kerriganIs that Bob Odenkirk (from Mr. Show) announcing? Oh no… it’s Scott Hamilton… and I think he’s doing an impression of Bob Odenkirk doing an impression of Scott Hamilton. My head already hurts.
  • Critics, take note. Skating with Celebrities is nothing like American Idol. Yes, like AI there are 3 judges, and yes there’s a ditzy optimist sitting in the middle, and yes there’s a surly British guy…HOWEVER SwC has a gay dude instead of a black dude. THERE’S your diversity baby.
  • My favorite team is the Dave Coulier – Nancy Kerrigan team. Do you think Nancy is just walking around after the show thinking, "Wait a minute. I won 2 Olympic gold medals. I was a national icon. I hosted Saturday Night Live. And the ‘celebrity’ I’m skating with is Uncle Joey from Full House??? What???"
  • The theme of tonight’s episode is "The Decade of the 70′s." Coincidentally, that’s the last decade any of these people were actually considered celebrities. Zing!
  • I bet this show is big in Canada. (I told you, random thoughts)
  • Todd Bridges said he’ll do whatever he has to in order to win. Um… everybody be careful- this dude shot a drug dealer in ’89 after a 4-day coke binge. If he says he’ll do whatever it takes in order to win: duck!
  • Everytime they say the words Jillian Barberie and "groin pull" I smile just a little.
  • By appearing on the show, Debbie Deborah Gibson has finally completed the Fallen Star Trilogy: Big in the 80′s—Playboy spread—bad reality TV show. We salute you Debbie Deborah. Tiffany has some catching up to do.