LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Axl_1 Chinese Democracy! It’s finally spreading!!!

After over ten years of waiting for the next Guns N’ Roses album, it’s impossible to hear the words "Chinese Democracy" without thinking about Chinese Democracy. And without thinking about how bat-s*** crazy Axl has gone, and without thinking about that dude who joined the band that wore a KFC Bucket of chicken on his head.

But anyway, all signs are pointing to Axl Rose FINALLY unleashing Chinese Democracy onto the general (American) public. First up there was a rumor that it was going to be released this spring. Nobody got too excited though, because just like leap year that rumor pops up once every four years. No big deal.   But then today… today we took another step closer to Democracy. Two previously unreleased tracks leaked onto the internet today, one of which you can find HERE (for the time being, at least).

Download it and let me know what you think. Are you glad they’re back, or would you have been content just listening to the new Velvet Revolver?

TomKat Down Under

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This morning, Tom Cruise was attending media mogul Kerry Packer’s funeral alone. Katie planned to stay behind to avoid the 14-hour flight so late in her pregnancy. But now, popsugar has pictures of the happy couple in the land down under.

While we understand how important it was to be there for Tom during this difficult time of media skepticism, we’re not sure if it was the best idea. 

According to WebMD: "Pregnant women should avoid air travel after their 36th week….Frequent flying is not recommended as it is possible for you to exceed the cosmic radiation limit considered safe during pregnancy."

On the other hand, cosmic radaition is how Katie got pregant in the first place.

DAILY DANZA

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Tony tries very hard to explain what a buzz-by is. This is by far our best Daily Danza yet!

Oh, don’t forget to sign our Save Danza petition so he doesn’t get canceled!

Ugly Kid = Big Star

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Movie stars, rock stars, and rappers. They’re the beautiful people now, but Barbie Martini asks, "Which celebrity was the ugliest kid?" Of course, I can’t answer that because I believe that all children are beautiful in their own way.

Is Cheney An Unfaithful Dick?

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It couldn’t just be a hunting accident, could it? Of course not! Check this out:

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Sirius radio’s Alex Bennett just broke a rumor that the delay in
reporting the news that Cheney shot an old man in the heart was due to
an effort to hide or spin Cheney’s female companion.

Bob Cesca takes it a step further by asking: Was Cheney Hiding His Lewinsky? To that, I have just one thing to say– STOP IT! Dick Cheney is 65-Years-Old! The woman in question looks like my grandmother! The last thing I want to think about today is the Ambassador to Switzerland giving the Vice President of the United States a mouth hug. Sorry. It’s a little too much to take (no pun intended.)

In other news, Steve Martin reports: Cheney Shoots Three Presidents In Oval Office Mishap. I find that less disturbing.

Great Moments in TV Criticism

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According to this review, there’s a great new show on the horizon:
"[It] gives [Sex in the City] devotees a show with a similar tone, attitude and storyline structure. The promise of the comedy is it could be a sweet, clean follow-up to both Sex and the book He’s Just Not That Into You….  With a film actor, a good one, in the lead, it’s not beyond reason the show will get the financial and staff support to build into a reliable, well-shot comedy."

Excited? Find out what the show is after the jump!

Read more…

While You Were Planning Your Happy Hour

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  • Kid_rock
    Kid Rock
    has a sex tape coming out with a couple of women… and Scott Stapp from Creed??? The soundtrack is expected to suck.
  • This Just In: Researchers have discovered that Titanic is the most successful romance movie of all time. Really? They just figured that out now? What the hell have they been doing for the past 8 years?
  • Madonna has been treated for a hernia. Many assume it’s the first time Madonna’s pulled something since getting married.
  • Slugger Sammy Sosa is expected to announce that he is retiring from the game of baseball. Wants to devote more time to doing steroids.
  • Chris Martin fuels speculation that Coldplay is splitting up. I suspect the guys who were doing that Titanic research are extremely concerned.
  • Bryant Gumbel says that the lack of blacks at the Winter Olympics makes it look like a GOP Convention. Republicans respond, "See, I told you there something wonderful about the Winter Olympics!"

You’ve Got Junk Mail

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I
just got junk mail from someone named "Sebastian" offering me "meg
ryan NAKED PICS." I love my Meg Ryan and all, but are there really that
many people so desperate to see her naked that they would open junk mail? What
was the matter, they couldn’t get their hands on any Meryl Streep naked pics? On
second thought, I might actually open that one. But you get the idea.

Good Career Move/Bad Career Move

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Best Week Ever takes a look at celebrities’ upcoming movies to determine whether or not they’re making good career choices.

Jessica Simpson

Next Project:  Employee of the Month, 2006

Synopsis:  Two slacker Costco workers vie for the honor of dating hot girl. Costars Dax Shepard and Dane Cook.

Career Move: Bad. Between Dukes of Hazard, and the Pizza Hut commercials, Jessica Simpson is securing a target audience of 14 year old boys. And as 14 year old girls know, they’re a fickle bunch. Oh, Shannon Elizabeth knows this too.

Read more…