Make Your Own Oscar Speech

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USA Today (scroll down to "related item") has an
amusing feature that allows you to create your own Oscar speech. You choose
levels of gesture, emotion, catch phrases, political content, and thank yous,
and then an animated microphone(!) delivers your speech. Sadly, there’s no Sally
Field
, Roberto Benigni, Cher costume, or streaker level. I know my speech would include a streaker.

Are Dumb Kids Having The Best Week Ever?

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I’m just going to come right out and say it: Dumb Kids are having the best week ever. And no, I’m not even talking about the dumb college kids in New Orleans lifting up their shirts for beads and Midvale
ultimately appearing in Girls Gone Wild. I’m talking about the REALLY dumb kids.

Like the 7-year-old girl who brought 18 bags of cocaine to school yesterday and shared them with her friends. What was she thinking? You can’t just go handing out freebies, how do you expect to ever make your money back? Come on kid, do the math.

Or how about the 12-year-old boy who stuck a piece of gum to a $1.5 million painting in Detroit? He smeared his wad of Wrigleys Polar Ice gum onto Helen Frankenthaler’s "The Bay," which doesn’t make any sense at all. If you’re trying to ruin a piece of art work, why not hold out for something more recognizable? Like "The Scream" or "Water Lilies"?

Finally, Dumb Kids are getting the recognition they deserve this week thanks to Adrianne Frost’s new book "I Hate Other People’s Kids." You know, after reading those two stories, I don’t think she needs to elaborate on that. It makes sense. Dumb Kids are having the best week ever.

While You Were Working Out with Nick Lachey

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  • TMZ uncovers footage of boy band 98 degrees that’s been buried for years. Well by buried they mean taped over.
  • What’s big and orange and has no front teeth? The new James Bond.
  • Lindsay Lohan walks the runway for Oscar fashion week protected by a red bracelet. Homeless man walks city streets protected by a blue thermos.
  • George Clooney hearts Terri Hatcher. Terri Hatcher hearts botox.
  • Patrick Dempsey reveals troubled past as a dyslexic on tonight’s Barbara Walters special. Also Matthew McConaughy reveals little league heartbreak.
  • Olympic star Athletes Sascha Cohen and Shaun White finally meet. Unfortunately people stopped caring about them on Tuesday.
  • Nick Lachey wants to spot you.

Oscar Week: Get to Know Your Best-Actor Nominees

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Here’s one interesting fact about each Best Actor nominees that you probably don’t know:

  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
    Was a "celebrated athlete," playing baseball and football and wrestling until he had to quit because of a neck injury that forced him to quit. But as you know, he still keeps in shape.
  • Terrence Howard
    (Hustle & Flow) Has a degree in Chemical Engineering. If he’s so smart, then why was he in Glitter?
  • Heath Ledger
    (Brokeback Mountain) Taught himself to dance, and choreographed a "60-strong Guildford team to the first all-boy victory at the Rock Eisteddfod, a national competition." I know what you’re thinking, but we don’t do jokes like that anymore.
  • David Strathairn
    (Good Night, and Good Luck) Went to Ringling Brothers Clown College and worked as a clown for six months in a traveling circus. I wondered why his Edward R. Murrow did so much juggling.
  • Joaquin Phoenix
    (Walk the Line) Is the brother of the late River Phoenix. That’s a BWE Blog exclusive!

Detachment From (Virtual) Reality

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You HAVE to check out this guy’s hilarious, highly-infomative post on the phenomenon of fantasy gamers using their REAL MONEY to buy VIRTUAL GOLD for games like EverQuest and World of Warcraft.  In fact, based on the US dollar values of their currency, the World of Warcraft‘s "virtual economy" ranks right between the REAL economies of Russia and Bulgaria. 

At one point reaching 65 cents to the dollar, this new "fools gold" actually became so valuable that businessmen began hiring low-paid workers to play the game in order to "farm" gold that would later be sold to more serious gamers, unintentionally driving down the prices of the virtual gold they were trying to sell.

So here’s your BWE investment tip of the day: buy online gold that doesn’t exist while prices are still low!

CAPTION THIS!

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Nicole Richie: Eating for 1.

Don’t worry people, this picture was taken during the taping of the new season of The Simple Life. We have nothing to worry about. Yet.

Anyway, now it’s your turn. Caption This! and leave it in the Comments.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Lindsay’s Nip Slip

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Lohan_6I’m pretty sure 2005 was the year of the nip-slip.

Sure, Janet Jackson’s nip-slip heard ’round the world happened early in 2004, but it took some time for others catch on. By 2K5, everybody was doing it: Jessica, Lindsay, Tara Reid. They all hopped onto the NipSlip train to stardom.

I was worried that the trend was over. I was worried that the start of 2006 would mark the end of the modern celebrity nip-slip as we know it. For the first two months of the year… sadly… I was right.

Until today.

Thank you Lindsay Lohan. Thank you for doing your part to make sure the nip-slip doesn’t go the way of Snap Bracelets and Ugg Boots. You’re a true American hero.

And speaking of heroes, thank you WWTDD for posting these hi-res pics. You should be awarded a purple heart. Or better yet, a purple nip… okay, nevermind. I’m not going to go there.

Have Mardi Gras At Your Desk!

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If you’re stuck inside of a cubicle with the New Orleans blues again, head on over to Cams Central to voyeuristically participate in all the Bourbon Street revelry you’re missing. 

Choose from several different camera experiences, including the Bourbocam, the Paradecam and (my favorite) the Beadcam.  All you have to do now is pour a Hurricane into your coffee mug (the boss will never know), heat up some jambalaya in the break room, and scream "show me your boobs!" to nearby co-workers while throwing beads at them. 

It’s the next best thing to actually being there.

Google Search: Amazing Race’s Tyler MacNiven

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If you watched last night’s premiere of the Amazing Race 9, you’re probably wondering what those two wild n’ crazy guys are doing in the game. "Best Friends" BJ Averell and Tyler MacNiven love the irony of Hawaiian shirts and over-sized Elvis glasses. But it turns out there’s a serious side to MacNiven, the blond half of the dynamic duo that just might win the pair the million dollar prize.

A Google search shows that Macniven actually walked across Japan-about 2000 miles-just to impress a girl, oh and to make a documentary about his journey and put it up on Google video. If you couldn’t get enough of his wacky in your face antics last night and have an hour and half to spare , you can watch it here. With that kind of dedication he might just win the million dollar prize. Find out why he might not win after the jump…

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