Best Year Ever! Tonight @11

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From TomKat to Brangelina. From MJ to R. Kelly. From Paris to Lindsay and from Nick to Jessica, 2005 was THE BEST YEAR EVER.

Tune in tonight at 11 a nd all weekend long to find out who had THE BEST YEAR EVER! Hey, maybe it was you.

Comedians on 2005

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In preparation for Last Laugh ’05, CC Insider has asked a bunch of comedians to talk about the year that was. Our own Pete Holmes had this to say about his favorite video of the year.

"I have to give it up for R. Kelly’s unintentionally hilarious ‘Trapped in the Closet,’ specifically the part where a pie-eating midget poops his little-person purple pantaloons. My favorite thing is that ‘midget’ is an offensive and outdated term, but R. Kelly uses it freely, presumably because it rhymes with ‘Bridget,’ the midget’s not-so-little secret lover. I guess it’s because nothing rhymes with ‘Little Person,’ except maybe Elle McPherson or ‘Brittle Person.’

Read the rest of Pete’s take on R. Kelly, as well as pieces by Sarah Silverman and Lisa Lampanelli here.

And here’s Part I of Comedians on 2005. What a year. What a year.

What’s Wrong With Mariah?

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Ohmygod, is Mariah okay? I mean, she has somebody holding a cup up and putting a straw in her mouth, surely something’s wrong. Maybe she’s severely injured. Maybe she’s paralyzed. Maybe she’s… oh wait.

The singer — famous for her outrageous demands — stunned fans by being too lazy to lift the cup herself. A brunette assistant had to perform the task at
regular intervals while the singer signed copies of her album The
Emancipation of Mimi.

Okay, nevermind. Everything’s fine. Mariah’s juuuuust fine. Nothing wrong with her at all. Carry on.

The Superficial

Rest of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving

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 SAN FRANCISCO – Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion’s share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa’s poor. [Continue Reading]

I know everybody already checks out the Onion every week for their hilarious stories. HOWEVER, in case you were slacking, I felt like I had to link this one. Man, will the Onion ever stop being funny? I really don’t think so.

Everywhere You Look….

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Have you ever thought, "Man, you know would make for a great trip? Going everywhere that the Full House open was shot and taking pictures of the locations! That’d be the BEST!"

Well, I haven’t either. But somebody did. Check out the pictures here if you’re a big Full House fan. Or if you’re really, really, really, really, really bored. Or if  you’ve been harboring a secret crush on Kimmy Gibler. Come on. Just admit it.

Flaming!

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Hot on the heels of yesterday’s Mike Ditka rap video we have yet ANOTHER sports-music video. Some say sports music– even worse than rap-metal. Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

So this is the 1987 Calgary Flames of the NHL. You see, back in the 80′s we had a sport called hockey, and these guys were hockey players. The Flames’ slogan that season was "You Can’t Stop A Flame When It’s Red Hot." I will not argue that.

So watch the video here. And be thankful that the White Sox didn’t make one of these after they won the World Series.

Quick Hits

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Scarlett Johansson  said that director Michael Bay has “a lot of enemies.”  The majority of Bay’s enemies are reportedly “people who like good movies.”


Lindsay Lohan stood up Regis & Kelly but managed to appear on TRL.  Lindsay will soon learn that hard way you don’t f*** with Regis Philbin.


Marilyn Manson’s new wife Dita Von Teese is into erotic asphyxiation.  Ohmygod, Marilyn, you’re like totally freaking out right now aren’t you ohmygod you’re like totally freaking out.


Eminem is planning to remarry ex-wife Kim.  He needed some inspiration to come up with new ways to murder her on his next CD.


Rapper Foxy Brown is almost totally deaf.  Which explains soooooo much.


Mel Gibson is planning TV miniseries on Holocaust survivors. Don’t worry, it won’t be titled Lethal Weapons 5.


Valerie Bertinelli and her rock star husband, Eddie Van Halen, are divorcing after 24 years of marriage. Eddie plans on immediatley replacing her with Sammy Hagar.

The Frigid 50

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So, in order to help stifle all of that blistering hot air, we present to you our annual FRIGID 50, a top 50 list of the coldest, least powerful people in Hollywood.

Click here to find out who makes the cut.

I have to disagree with the inclusion of Tom Cruise, though. Tom, frigid? Did you SEE how warm he was on Oprah. He was so warm he was practically flaming.

Don’t sue me Tom.