Where’s W?


prez plans.jpgWanna roll with the President of the United States? It’s easier than it might sound. Official White House Documents explicitly detailing President Bush’s traveling schedules, itineraries and staff were found discarded in the trash, unshredded, by a sanitation worker who also happens to be an ex-con. After digging a little deeper in the President’s trash, the garbage man (again, who used to be in prison) also found empty bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper Berries and Cream Soda, an old copy of FHM, photos proving the government was behind 9/11, and the suitcase that holds “the button” to authorize global nuclear warfare.

National Security is everything, folks!

While You Were Recovering from that Crazy Namibian Wedding



  • Britney may be planning a surprise divorce from Kevin. But first she has to fly in all his friends and family so he’ll really be surprised.
  • Andy Roddick posts his first blog entry. The first time is always awkward.
  • John Travolta demands silence in his hotel lobby. For the devout scientologist, entering a hotel is even more traumatizing then exiting the birth canal.
  • Lindsay Lohan’s mom Dina is sued by music producers over songs they recorded with Lindsay. But the real victims are the people who had to listen to the songs.
  • Top Model contestant has a fight with a TV guide interviewer. Nothing they can’t work out on the Tyra Banks show.
  • A pimp calls Charlie Sheen a depraved lunatic. In his defense, Heidi Fleiss thinks he’s a gentleman.

Smoking Gun’s Vanity Band Contract Riders


seagalThe Smoking Gun has the contract riders of your favorite actors in vanity bands. There’s Jared Leto’s band 30 Seconds to Mars, who demand tofurky and top shelf water; Dennis Quaid and his band The Sharks, who request the star be booked in hotels under the porno alias “Richard Powers”. But the best is Steven Seagal who’s on tour supporting his record “Mojo Preist”, an album hailed as the year’s best (by BWE panelist Paul Scheer.) In fact his music is so good, he demands a “boom box” in his dressing room, presumably so he can listen to his own blues ballads like Alligator Ass and Show Me Your Ass. We guess when he wants to watch his movies, he has to supply his own beta-max.

SIZZLER: Jamie Foxx, Fairweather Father


Jamie_Foxx_Tom_Crui_161524a.jpgJamie Foxx, Academy Award-winner and self-proclaimed “saviour of R&B”, is insisting that he is not the godfather of Suri Cruise, even though just a few weeks ago he accepted Tom’s offer for the role of “uncle” in the divine comedy known as The Cruise Family. While no one is yet resorting to DNA testing to determine whether or not Foxx is in fact the child’s godfather, you’d think he could have at least waited for like a week after M:I3‘s disappointing box office debut to wash his hands of the child and jump off the sinking Tom-tanic Cruise liner. Foxx sure seemed to love Tom back when the relationship was all fun and flirty, but now that reality sets in and things get a little rocky, Romeo is stealing off like a thief in the night. For shame.

SIZZLER: Brad & Angelina Already Married


L21p001A1.jpgIt’s time to stop speculating as to when Brad & Angelina will finally tie the knot in Namibia. According to Life & Style magazine, it’s already a done deal.

Life & Style has learned exclusively that the couple recently tied the knot in a traditional Namibian wedding ceremony. “She promised she’d marry him before the baby came, so she did,” says an insider close to Angelina. “Now no matter what happens, Brad can always say he was married to Angie.”

Man, those two won’t even allow Vince & Jen to be a hot story for a second.

Enjoy these Screencaps from the Life & Style story after the jump.
Read more…

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever



  • SKATTERBRAIN has a promisingly punk rock song from the forthcoming new album from The Walkmen.
  • The Pelican’s Perch has an INSANELY great mix of the some of the best new bands out there right now, including Band of Horses, Sunset Rubdown and Cold War Kids.
  • Sixeyes cracks open a Barsuk Records-themed six-pack, with songs from Death Cab For Cutie, Nada Surf and Smoosh.
  • Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands shares with us the wistful sounds of folk-rock duo The Weepies.
  • Ian the Iceberg has three really good new tracks from the lovely and soulful Camera Obscura.

Danny Masterson’s Career Choice


masterson.JPGAfter filming the series finale of his long-running seriesThat 70’s show, Danny Masterson is making plans for his career future. This summer, the TV star is shooting an independent movie in New York and he even has plans to direct. And with the help of executive producer friends Ashton and Wilmer he may even have a shot at creating his own series. But he still has to be strategic, and plan out his path to success very carefully. First thing on the agenda? Attack psychiatrists on behalf of Scientology. Preferably in conversation with Matt Lauer but barring that, on a t-shirt.
(via goldenfiddle)

ICYMI: Pac Man, The Movie


One of the hottest trends in Hollywood right now is giving the big-budget blockbuster treatment to what seems like every new video game that comes out. But what about the classics? What about…Pac Man?

It’s May 10th; Whats up?


tv set1.jpgOkay, I’m just going to come right out and say it– I don’t watch Lost. I’ve never seen an episode. I KNOW it’s the best show ever and I KNOW that I’d love it if I gave it a chance, but I feel like it’s too late. I missed the boat and I’m just going to have to deal with that. It’s not easy.

That being said, I need help. Scanning through the lineup, I realized that I don’t watch ANYTHING on Wednesday nights. I mean, I’ll probably check out the American Idol results show and I’m sure I’ll end up tuning into My Super Sweet 16 whether I like it or not, but that’s it. I need some guidance. What SHOULD I be watching on Wednesday nights? What are you watching? Vote now!

While You Were Having Morning Sickness



  • Kanye West is being sued for allegedly not paying the lease on his 2003 Mercedes. Wait, Kanyeezy drives a three year old Benz? And it’s leased? And he can’t afford it!?! I guess homey’s gold done got dug.
  • This week, Vanity Fair ran an exclusive interview entitled “The Dick Cheney You Don’t Know”. Apparently the Vice President revealed that he once “killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die”.
  • There have been shocking developments in the Knight Rider motion picture project – producers are indicating they’re not interested in OG David Hasselhoff, or his high-wattage box office heat. However, they could face a potential crew strike as KITT has flatly stated, “If The Hoff’s out, I’m out.” And judging by the motion of his red lights, he wasn’t joking around.
  • “Master of Illusions” David Blaine wants a do-over on the whole holding-his-breath-without-drowning thing. There’s nothing more impressive than when a magician is wrong about which is your card, then pleads to do the trick again.
  • If you’ve ever wondered what kinds of things movie stars who wannabe rockers require in their dressing rooms while touring in order to properly suck, check this out.