LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

by

Billyprestoniwroteasimple252404

  • Nine Black Alp’s "Behind Your Eyes" reminds me of a smoother Love Spit Love(remember them?) Anyhow this angsty riff sure is purdy. (thanks stereogum)
  • Soul Sides just made my day with 1970′s soul spliff Backed Up Against the Wall by Steve Parks.
  • Sexy beast Jack White has a new band-The Racontuers- and a new kick ass website circa 1981. Click on media and then type  ’2′ to listen to Store Bought Bones. It’s almost as hard as directing the turtle (anyone?).
  • If "Burmese garage rock and Southeast Asian insect electronica" is your thing, take a gander at Choubi Choubi courtesy of tenthousand
  • Oh crap, I think i just ‘John Henry’ed in my ears after I listened to this sick Billy Preston song. Earfuzz is not f-ing around with this soulful supergroove.

EXCLUSIVE SIZZLER: TomKat Is Over!?!?

by

Tomkat2

Tomkat1_1

(Click on pics for EXCLUSIVE blown-up screen grabs of the full story.)

Holy Couch-Jumping Heterosexual Thetans, Batman!!!

Life & Style Weekly is running a cover story on the demise of the (literally) star-crossed relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!  The ramifications of this news are unthinkable – our very existence might be hanging by only a few fragile threads of sensational tabloid fodder!

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring.

Could it really be true?  And if so, why in the name of Xenu do we have to find out about this on VALENTINE’S DAY???

UPDATE: We’ve got footage of Oprah telling Tom she’s mad that he lied.

SI Swimsuit Issue Gets It All Wrong

by

Maria_sharapova_008_1

Well, the Swimsuit Issue is up on SI’s website, and after looking at it for several hours, I realize there is something wrong here. No body paint pictures? No, they’re there. Topless group pictures of all-star models? They’re there too. Kid Rock video? Of course it’s there as well. What’s wrong is the Maria Sharapova gallery. She looks great, of course, but what makes her so attractive to people is not only that she’s pretty but that she can play tennis better than just about anyone. It’s her skill that sets her apart.

I think it’s nice to celebrate the beauty of athletes, but if you take them off the court and put them in bathing suits like the rest of the models, they just look like regular people (well, really attractive people). Of course, I could be wrong, so I better go do some more research.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Daily Show on “Duck Hunt” Cheney

by

When I first heard that Vice President Cheney accidentally shot one of his Republican cronies in the face while hunting, my thoughts and prayers immediately went out to…Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, asking that they might handle such an extraordinary event with the wit and brilliance of which they are capable.  Those prayers were answered.

Google Search: The Bachelor’s Moana Dixon

by

Moana

After last night’s thrilling 2 hour episode,  it’s down to two lucky ladies vying for the heart and the manly meatiness of Travis Stork. Now it’s a toss up between kindergarten teacher Sarah Stone and LA hispter Moana Dixon. While Stork and Stone share as much chemistry as a 6 year-old and a bowl of fiber-enriched nutri-grain cereal , Moana seems poised to take the (beef)cake. But after a quick google search and the discovery of Moana’s My Space page, we now think otherwise.  After the jump, we investigate Moana’s page for signs of heartbreak.

Read more…

What Happens When You Get Shot by a Sitting Vice President

by

P1cheneyc0214_d_1

The Corpus Christi Caller Times (they broke the story) has a reenactment of the Cheney shooting. George Gongora, an "avid shooter" fired at a paper target 30 yards away. Here’s the result:
"We can pretty much see that at least over 200 BBs have touched this area right here," [George] Gongora said, motioning to the face and torso area of the target.

There’s video too! (No lawyers or Republican donors were harmed in the making of this film.)

While You Were Ordering Take Out

by

Shakira

  • Pop stars Robbie WIlliams and Shakira have prompted rumors of an unlikely romance. People are deeming it unlikely because she happens to be of Columbian decent, while he happens to be gay.
  • Bode Miller was disqualified for straddling a gate today. When reached for comment, Miller slurred, "The gate was asking for it. Anybody want to go to a diner and get some cheese fries?"
  • Sienna Miller says "Stay single." She’s expected to practice what she preaches for at least a couple of hours until she finds somebody else in Hollywood willing to put up with her.
  • Saddam is going on a hunger strike. Which I’d imagine is must easier to do when you’re eating prison food.
  • Chris Penn’s death was an accident. And for the record, so was his involvement in Corky Romano.

Total Winter Olympics Coverage

by

Olimpics_spec_front_1
Now that the time is once again upon us when we have to pretend to enjoy "sports" such as curling, bobsledding and cross-country skiing, you might find CRACKED’s Guide to the Winter Olympics helpful and informative when trying to maintain coherent conversations with your co-workers about last night’s biathalon matchups.

Go USA!