COOL MOM: A Maine mother was arrested for baking ex-lax cookies for daughters’ teacher, as revenge over a bad grade. (Drudge Report)
HUMILIATING JOB: Unclogging people’s toilets for a living is bad enough, but looking like you’re squatting on one while you drive is unforgivable. (Humping Frog via Smith Happens)
EXCUSE: A coyote broke into Mischa Barton and Rachel Bilson’s trailers on the set of the OC and ate all their food. (The Mirror)
PLAYLIST: Ashley Parker Angel’s. The pop star can turn you on to some really cutting edge bands you’ve probably never heard of like Third Eye Blind and Oasis. (ONTD)

Are Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Having The Best Week Ever?


scarlett.jpgScarlett Johansson’s breasts have been all over the place this week. Not literally, unfortunately.

First up, the sad breast news: It was reported today that Scarlett has refused to appear naked in her upcoming L’Oreal campagin. Some bigwigs are reportedly very upset about this. And by “some” I mean “most” and by “most” I mean “every single heterosexual male on payroll.” And me. Don’t forget about me.

Next, the nice breast news: Scarlett has been voted the “Best Celebrity Cleavage on the Planet” by People magazine. So it’s official– Scarlett Johansson has award-winning breasts. How many people can say that? That’s why I think Scarlett Johansson’s breasts are having the Best Week Ever.

PROPPED: Famous Babies


mbabies.jpgThe Muppet Babies was everyone’s favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up in the 80’s. But in the new millennium, the show’s been given a facelift by Liquid Generation. Props to Vandar02 dropping off “Famous Babies,” a cartoon featuring the newborns of celebrities in a Muppet Babies-style nursery. There’s Sean Preston–the baby from the hood; Moses Martin, the wise old baby; Brangelina Jolie-Pitt the trannie punk; and Suri, the whimsical mutant Martian. Sure they all look different, but they have a lot in common like crazy names, wacky parents and most of all f*cked up futures!

Drop off your own story or be a dear and prop some one else’s story.

“SIZZLER”: TomKat On the Rocks Again?


tomkat_grinsen1a.jpgThe Awful Truth took a “break” from blind-item guessing games to file this “report” from an unnamed “source” deep within Tom Cruise’s “camp” claiming that his “marriage” to Katie Holmes “won’t happen” and that the suspicious “couple” are determining a “respectable” amount of time to stay “together” following the birth of “their” child and blah blah blah…

At this point, Tom could publicly dump Katie and Suri on the side of a country road, then host a prime-time coming out special in which he had really, really gay sex with Clay Aiken on top of Liberace’s piano, and it would still be hard for me to care.

While You Were Holding Your Breath for 10 Minutes



  • Jake Gyllenhaal is dating an Olympic snowboarder. But he’ll always be a gay cowboy to us.
  • Tori Spelling may be pregnant. But she’ll always be a virgin to Aaron.
  • Katie Holmes’ parents meet Suri for the first time. Also introduced to ‘Kate.’
  • Hollywood’s hottest trend is having a baby before marriage. Making it the only trend to hit West Virginia first.
  • The View couch is not big enough for Rosie and Star. No seriously, is there another love seat or something?
  • The Dixie Chicks are some of the most influential people according to Time Magazine because of their political views. But Redbook would argue it’s all about their recipes.

Samaire Armstrong Is the New Jessica Alba


samaire1.jpgNow that Jessica Alba has been crowned ‘most beautiful’ by every magazine ever (okay, just all the different versions of People), her inevitable downfall as America’s Beauty Queen is imminent, leaving the spot open for a new starlet we can worship until someone better comes along. I humbly suggest The OC’s Samaire Armstrong, who recently set Stuff Magazine on fire. She’s got that good-girl quality you want to bring home to mom and dad, but something tells me there’s a hellcat hiding behind that smile.
samaire3.jpg samaire2.jpg

Jack Bauer Bumpin’ Bea Arthur


goldengirls1.jpgAfter noticing the music from House M.D. inexplicably playing during an episode of Prison Break, TVGasm asks the question “What would happen if TV shows accidentally played the theme songs from other TV shows in the middle of an episode?” The imagined mash-up answer is, in a word, hilarious.