The Friday Five

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The Onion AV Club has posted another "Random Rules", in which they ask a (pseudo) celebrity to shuffle their iPods and post the first 5 songs that come up, no matter what they are.

This week, their guest is the uber-funny comedian Patton Oswalt, of Comedians of Comedy and King of Queens fame.  He’s one of the funniest mofo’s I’ve ever seen, but is his music any good?  Read the article and find out!

As always, when you’ve finished reading, shuffle your iPods and post the results in the comments section.  Just to keep you honest, I’ll post mine first:

1.  Hope of the States – "Black Dollar Bills"
2.  Elliott Smith – "Angeles"
3.  Stereolab – "Lo Boob Oscillator"
4.  Bravo Silva – "400 Days"
5.  Magnolia Electric Company – "The Dark Don’t Hide It"

Blondie Meets the Doors

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Check
out the new video for "Rapture Riders," a mashup of
"Rapture" by Blondie and "Riders on the Storm." (Read the story of the song here.) Debbie Harry and Jim Morrison would have made one hot couple, don’t you think?

SIZZLER: Eva’s Threesome

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Eva Longoria, on Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes and Jessica Simpson:

They’re my crushes. I have intense love for these women.

In the past, Eva’s discussed her secret desire to have a threesome. Hmm. So my only question: who would be left out?

From HotOnlineNews.

Dance Party USA II

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A lot of people have joined our YouTube group, and they have put up some great videos. Here’s my favorite these days: It’s a stunning achievement in the "lip-synch with interpretive dance and calisthenics in a dorm room" genre. (Thanks to vivaciousvalerii.)

Got something you must share with the world? Join the group! (Oh, and we welcome nondorm videos as well.)

Bonds Is 2 Legit 2 Quit

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In the wake of the Barry Bonds steroid abuse scandal, there have been a lot of different emotions flying around.  From outrage to disappointment to denial to apathy, pretty much everyone seems to have weighed in with their opinion on what this means for baseball, Barry and his chase for history.  But finally, we’ve found the one and only opinion that truly matters: MC Hammer’s

From his blog:

Barry,

you deserve to be the all time greatest homerun hitter in baseball history. The hounds, they deserve the dog pound.

And there you have it.  Case closed.

RELATED: Are Barry Bonds and MC Hammer actually the same person!?!?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: The Presidential Playlist

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When the President of the United States needs to hunker down on tax reform, he turns to the musical stylings of Reggie, Jughead, Archie and the gang. Find out the other musicians on the President’s I-pod playlist affecting global policies. (thanks ONYD)

WHILE YOU WERE GOING TO THE BADA-BING

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  • The first episode of The Sopranos is "amazing, instantly re-addictive" "shocking" and "as good as TV ever gets." I can’t wait until Sunday! (First time I’ve thought that in a while.) 
  • NBC Universal is paying more than $15 million to HBO for the cable rights to Six Feet Under. And then NBC Universal died alone in its kitchen after choking on a sandwich.
  • Kim Cattrall has signed on to Elton John‘s TV show which centers on a gay British rock star and his manager (Cattrall), a role originally written for a man. So now instead of a ladies’ man playing the field, the manager will be known as a tramp.
  • Michael Jackson was ordered to close his Neverland Valley Ranch and was fined $169,000 for failing to pay his employees or maintain proper insurance. I’m starting to think there might be something wrong with Jackson.
  • David and Victoria Beckham have settled their libel suit against the British tabloid News of the World over allegations their marriage was a sham. In the tabloid’s defense, they meant to write "shame." (Because they’ve got a crush on David.)
  • David Lee Roth of spent "four hours yesterday telling his bosses where they could stick their ideas" because they want him to copy Howard Stern. There’s no better way to separate yourself from Stern than dissing your bosses.

…OF THE DAY

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Bowie1 FIND: David Bowie Comics. Some lucky collector dug up this rare comic that features David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust as a cartoon. Still just as cool as the original. (found objects)

BLOOPER REEL: Presidential bloopers video. Watching powerful people make fools of themselves never gets old! (SmitHappens)

MISTAKE: The cubicle. It was reported today that the inventor of the cubicle regretted the day he ever conceived of the soul-sucking set-up. A lot of good that does us now.  (CNN)

EMPLOYER: Michael Jackson. It’s a day off for 69 employees at Neverland Ranch who won’t go into to work until Jackson pays worker’s comp. Maybe the Llamma can run the Ferris Wheel in the meantime. (smoking gun)

PETA SPOKESPERSON: Morissey. He received the Linda McCartney Memorial Award from the animal activist organization for his classic Smiths album Meat is Murder. Maybe they never heard Suedehead.(peta)

LYRIC: "Why don’t you swallow my gift". That gem courtesy of Russell Crowe and his 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. We’d love to swallow your gift, Russell, but shouldn’t we unwrap it first? (Perez Hilton)

BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT: Joy Behar bringing up Chloe Sevigny’s oral sex scene in Brown Bunny as a testament to her acting. Very subtle.(BWE)

While You Were Learning to Have a Sense of Humor

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    MGM has greenlit a follow-up to Steve Martin’s mediocre Pink Panther film.  Because the only thing America loves more than sequels and remakes are sequels TO remakes!
  • Joan Rivers is apparently looking for love on Match.com.  Ugh, I don’t think there is enough time left in Dr. Phil’s life to counsel someone through the horror of a date with her. 
  • Lindsay Lohan to be the new face of Louis VuittonKate Moss to (once again) be the new face of ChanelBuried deep in my hands to be the new place for my face.
  • Scott Stapp manages to avoid charges in his recent arrest for public intoxication.  Funny how no one gives a sh*t when something good finally happens to the poor douche. 
  • As we reported yesterday, Sharon Stone is offering to "kiss just about anyone" in order to bring peace to the Middle East.  Looks like she’s already got one taker
  • Mischa Barton dumps the Cisco Kid for a new cowboy.