According to the National Ledger, country music star Keith Urban has been hard at work on a new song, attempting to describe how he feels about fiancee Nicole Kidman. Through our shadowy network of operatives, Best Week Ever has managed to get our hands on an early draft of the song’s lyrics. Check them out:
Baby, I’m just a simple man
Doin’ what I can
To hold on to a star like you.
I make a livin’ singing country
I don’t know scientology
but I’ll never make you worship Xenu.
For some reason, Court TV has tons of games on its website. There is one, Bucky’s Magic Case Predictor, that ties in with Las Vegas Law. It’s basically like a Magic 8 Ball, but it answers what will happen in any impending legal case you might be involved with. Sample answer: "Lawyer was drunk." Don’t forget to play "Whack a Ghoul" while you’re there…
Now that you all know what a Chicksdigger is —a female celebrity who women love and men loathe–it’s time to introduce you to another term: The Chicksdiggim. Described by some as the inverse of Sarah Jessica Parker, these are men that women want to score and men want to beat the sh*t out of.
The classic Chicksdiggim pairs dandy ties and form fitting blazers with ultra expensive sneakers. He may look casually stylish to the ladies but men know he spends a fortune on his look. Mostly sensitive singer-songwriters and stars of film and TV, the Chicksdiggim uses his strong jawline to balance out his adorable dimples or puppy-dog eyebrows– to create a look that’s both threatening and cuddly to women.
But all men see is a bulls-eye. The Chickdiggim may not know the extent to which he is in danger of getting his ass kicked, but he does know enough to avoid all physical confrontation due to his own limpid arm muscles diguised in layers of cool band t-shirts. On a rainy day, he may suggest you put makeup on him or he may even have his own eyeliner after the positive reception he got from women on past occasions. A classic example of a Chicksdiggim is Maroon 5′s Adam Levine. More possible candidates after the jump…
A man builds a cloning device to live out his ultimate dream: a house full of Cosbys. It’s a hilarious video, and it’s been the #1 rated movie on Channel101 for months. It also happens to be the one thing that Bill Cosby doesn’t want you to see.
Cosby’s lawyers are trying to pull the video off the web, going as far as to send cease and desist letters to several sites, including Channel 101 and Waxy.org. Yesterday the Wall Street Journal picked up on the story. You can read it here.
I’m shocked that Dr. Huxtable wants this video taken down for two reasons. 1) It’s hilarious, and 2) as Waxy points out, everybody else parodies Cosby with no problem. The Simpsons, South Park, The Boondocks. It’s just not right. So do your part. If you’ve never seen it before, watch the video here. It’s the best way to support free speech, and have a good laugh in the process. Take that, pudding man.
Now that the Academy has realized that hip-hop exists, I think it might be time for them to acknowledge some other developments in our culture, the Internet and the screen crawl. They could use these two together to get rid of all those thank-yous that bog down the telecast. Here’s my proposal:
Each nominee from every category gives the Academy a list of all the people they want to thank. The lists would then be posted on the Internet, and during the telecast, while the winners give their speeches, their thank-yous will be on a screen crawl below them. This way everyone gets thanked and maybe the winners would have the chance to make speeches that would be funny, touching, embarrassing, etc. and we’ll have something to talk about the next day other than how boring the show was.
Now this is dedication. Check out this SIUC cheerleader who continued cheering during her school’s fight song as she was taken off the court on a stretcher. Truly one of the best In Case You Missed It moments you’ll ever see.
Are you sitting down? I’m about to break some shocking news: young, fashionable, NYU student and superstar, Ashely Olsen, is a smoker! Tabloid investigators got the scoop first hand after witnessing what appeared to be a cigarette in her left hand. While we knew that twin sister Mary Kate had some issues, we figured blonder sister Ashley was far too proper, polite, eco-friendly and socially-motivated to even consider the habit. While we’re very disappointed in Ashley, we take comfort in the fact that young girls still have a chaste and sober role model like Lindsay Lohan to look up too.