CORN FLAKES: Your Essential Inessentials

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  • A fake Paris Hilton caused a major buzz at NY’s Fashion Week.  Apparently you can now become a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity who became a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity.
  • John Mayer says his next album won’t have the "pop sweetness" of current radio hits.  Instead, its gonna be all the hard-rocking, totally shredding metal badassedness that has become synonomous with "John Mayer".
  • Flavor Flav has a crush on Paris Hilton.  Someone please tell him that their coupling is an existential impossibility that would inevitably result in the immediate annihilation of all space and time as we know it. 
  • Nick Lachey speaks out against criticism that his new single "What’s Left of Me" is a cynical attempt to cash in on his highly-publicized split from ex-wife Jessica Simpson.  Lachey insists that the song just "sounded classier" than his other idea, "I f#cked Jessica Simpson and All I Got Was This Stupid Former Miss Kentucky".
  • King Kong star Jack Black claims to have grown up in a sex cult, which is pretty gross but explains a lot.
  • Brittany Murphy claims she didn’t kiss her fiance until after they went on 17 dates. Upon hearing the news, movie studios immediately greenlight new crappy Brittany Murphy movie titled "17 Dates."
  • Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley NUDE!!! That should help out our google referrals.
  • B.B. King will give you a signed guitar if you find his lost dog. He’ll also give you a signed guitar if you buy him a hot dog.
  • Gwenyth Paltrow wants Apple (the daughter, not the fruit) to have an American accent because she hates the way Brits pronounce "basil" and and "pasta." We, meanwhile, hate the way she pronounces Anthony.
  • Busta Rhymes may be questioned in relation to the shooting of his bodyguard. But don’t worry, he’s got us all in check.
  • Ashlee Simpson insists that her father is not a control freak. She then looks over her shoulder and mouths "Help me… please… he’s watching us."

Paradise Found

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Zanzibar

A lost world has been discovered in the Indonesian mountain jungles, CNN reported today. Bustling with undiscovered plantlife and tropical birds, one scientist reports "It’s as close to the Garden of Eden as you’re going to find on Earth."

Call 1800-Perillo-Tours to book your family vacation today!

Britney Spears: Go Baby Driver

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There are pictures going around of Britney driving with her baby on her lap. Here’s her side of the story, from People:

A source close to Spears explains that the singer drove to Starbucks with her bodyguard in the passenger seat and son Sean in his car seat in the back. When the bodyguard went into the store to get the drinks, Spears took Sean out of his car seat and held him in her lap while she waited. Photographers approached the car, says the source, and became aggressive. Once her bodyguard climbed back into the car, Spears drove away while still holding her son.

Sometimes I think that photographers don’t always have their subjects’ best interests in mind. But then again, if that baby didn’t want to be photographed, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to be born.

(Picture from Egotastic.)

Fun With Target Audiences

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Media

In this brain teaser, you must match the television show with product advertised during it’s programming. Enter your answers in the comments section.

A. Nuetrogena Anti-Wrinkle Cream                       1. Showtime at the Apollo

B. Mercedes Benz                                                   2. The View

C. McDonalds                                                          3. Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie   

D. Hallmark Greeting Card                                    4. The Gauntlet          

E. The Army                                                             5. 24

F. Men’s Warehouse                                               6. Girlfriends

G. Jacoby and Meyer’s Personal Injury Lawfirm  7. Six OClock News

(answers after the jump)

Read more…

Today in Celebrity Conception

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February 6 is a very newsworthy day in the history of celebrity conception. In 1931, Dan Rather’s parents got more riled up than a three-legged cow in a milk jug, conceiving the future CBS anchorman. And one extremely early morning in 1950, the local weather for Jane Pauley’s parents was fertile. Happy conception day, Dan and Jane!

Also conceived today: John Keats (1795), John Candy (1950)

GAMES: More Fast Food

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If Piper’s McDonald’s Sim game didn’t satisfy your appetite for online fast food fun, maybe this will.

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Remember that creepy Burger King commercial last night where women wearing Whopper-ingredient-costumes all piled on top of one another? Well, if you go here you can make your own Whopper sandwich featuring the Whopperettes.  I honestly can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

I’m not sure what the best part of this site is. Brooke Burke. The King dancing on the side of the screen. The Send to a Friend option. Seriously. If a friend of mine ever sent me an online video of a sandwich he designed, we’d have to have a looooooooong talk.

Free Chibi-Robo!

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From boingboing:

After logging about eight hours on Chibi-Robo in the last four days, my eight-year-old daughter has decreed it to be the best title ever for the Nintendo GameCube. Chibi-Robo is a four-inch-tall domestic cleaning robot, a gift to a young girl from her father, an out of work roboticist. Besides attending to tasks like scrubbing up muddy dog prints off the floor with a toothbrush (and accumulating "Happy Points" for doing so), Chibi-Robo explores the house, learning snippets of a meta-story involving a no-good robotics company out to harm the family.

I feel sorry for Chibi-Robo. Couldn’t they at least give it a mop?