AWESOMEWATCH: Be Kind Rewind, Fool



  • Jack Black is set to star in director Michel Gondry’s Be Kind, Rewinda new movie about a guy whose magnetized head accidentally erases all the VHS tapes in his friend’s video store, forcing him to remake the classics himself. He coulda just gone to Best Buy and bought DVDs, but I guess that’s not as entertaining.
  • TV Land has greenlit a new reality show starring Mr. T called Pity the Fool. The network is comparing the show to Dr. Phil, the main difference being that if they don’t listen to the homespun self-help advice, guests will be beaten within an inch of their lives by an angry black man.
  • The new trailer for the next installment of Pirates of the Carribean is online. It’s the best Captain Jack available, except for the contents of my coffee mug.
  • Coming Soon: Your Battle To Order A Coffee Without Being Passively-Aggressively Corrected On the Proper Use of a Non-Existant Java Language By a Smug Starbucks Employeethe Movie!
  • A supporting performer from the film on Snakes on a Plane! They used “realistic” rubber snakes!

Real World Vs. Tan World


svetlanaToday’s New York Times takes a sobering look at the ethics of reality shows with respects to Real World: Key West’s anorexic castmate Paula.

Meanwhile this month’s FHM takes a sobering look at Real World’s other castmate Svetlana and her string bikini. While Paula reveals to the Times the status of her delicate body issues, Svetlana tells FHM, “I have big boobs, and it’s good to show them off.”

Sure the producers of the Real World grappled with allowing Paula to remain on the show in light of her illness. But that’s nothing compared to Svet’s recent blog fight with her Tanning salon boss. Sure Paula still suffers from emotional issues, but Svetlana still suffers from the fact she wasn’t picked to be the tanning salon manager.

PROPPED UP: Where Is Your Mind?


prince-prince-debut.jpgThis one comes to us from reader uncletupelo1. If you’ve ever wondered what it would sound like if Old Blue Eyes had covered The Pixies classic “Monkey’s Gone”, if The Bee Gees had taken a stab at “Wave of Mutilation”, or best of all, if Prince had given the royal treatment to “Hey”, check out this dude’s MySpace page.

Who says MySpace isn’t punk rock?

It’s May 2nd; What’s Up?


tv set.jpgYou know people, there’s more to life than American Idol. Especially tonight. You have the one and only Steve Guttenberg guest starring on Veronica Mars.There’s the season finale of Teachers, the season finale of Hope & Faith, and the season finale of According to Jim. Thief is wrapping up. You know what, actually, maybe there’s not more to life than American Idol.

What are you watching tonight? Vote now!

While You Were Conversing By The Water Cooler


  • Tom Cruise has designed a workout program to help Katie Holmes lose her baby weight. He’s calling it the “Stop Wearing The Phony Pregnancy Suit” diet.
  • Liam Gallagher of Oasis has conceded that his band is no longer the biggest band in the world. He then admitted he thought OJ was innocent, and followed that up by wishing everybody a happy 1996.
  • The Black Eyed Peas call their upcoming Johannesburg Stadium show their “gift to South Africa.” South Africa wants to know where they can go to exchange it for something better.
  • Teri Hatcher announced that the title of her autobiography, Burnt Toast, is a metaphor. Which is sad, because I bet reading about actual burnt toast is more interesting.
  • A teacher has been arrested for trying to kill a student. Geez. Whatever happened to the good old days when they just tried to f**k them?
  • Bruce Willis believes he will die alone. I, for the record, still think he willl Die Hard.

POLL: Who Will Paris Date Next?


paris_hilton.jpgSo Paris Hilton and her wealthy Greek boyfriend Stavros Niachros have split. After a year of dating and a string of surprise birthday parties all over the Western Hemisphere, the couple have decided their romance has run its course. Hilton was rumored to have originally stolen Niachros from the tiny arms of Mary Kate Olsen, who previously dated the Greek heir. We know Paris likes to date guys, like Stavros, who’ve been tested by like-minded starlets. So we’ve compiled the top five passed-around guys she could date next.
1)Cisco Adler (currently dating Mischa Barton, formerly with Kimberly Stewart)
2)Scott Sartaino (currently dating Jamie Lynn Siglerformerly with Ashley Olsen)
3) Wilmer Valderamma (currently dating no one, formerly with everyone)
4) Jared Leto(formerly with Lindsay Lo, Scarlett Jo, and Ashley Olsen)
5) Brett Ratner (currently dating Lindsay Lohan, formerly with Serena Williams)
Factoring in looks, former girlfriends and financial status, who will Paris conquer next?

Best Night Ever: Monday, May 1st


It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, May 1st! Bob Castrone is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including The Insider, Wife Swap, Texas Rancher House, and 24!

…Of The Day


    jessica alba.jpg
  • REMAKE: A remake of 1984’s classic film Revenge of The Nerds is scheduled to start shooting this summer. And yes, they’re still a threat to our way of life. (CNN)
  • GAME: Test your Nintendo trivia by naming the game based on the box cover. I’m a “Nintendo Noob” (I can’t believe I didn’t do better…) (Destructoid)
  • GOOD CAUSE eBay AUCTION THAT YOU’D RATHER NOT WIN: Lunch with Bon Jovi (Pop Candy)
  • ESSAY THAT MAKES EATING PIZZA SOUND INTERESTING: Chuck Klosterman’s “One Slice With Extra Meaning” (NY Times via ProductShop)
  • REASON TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS: Jessica Alba is hosting the show. She was obviously chosen thanks to her impeccable comedic timing, of course. (A Socialite’s Life)

While You Were Wishing You Were Stephen Colbert



  • The US Supreme Court ruled in favor of Anna Nicole Smith in the case of The Power of Her Large Wonderful Breasts vs. Their Ability To Think Rationally About the Issues at Hand. They ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold-digger.
  • Shaquille O’Neal and his wife welcomed a new daughter into the world. The baby, who weighed 187 pounds and was six and half feet long, has already taken its first steps, signed its first endorsement deal and tied the NBA record for rebounds in a single game.
  • Hacky director Brett Ratner got totally busted by Lindsay Lohan when she showed up unannounced and found him in bed with girlfriend Alina Puscau. Guess someone didn’t tell Lindsay that After the Sunset this Family Man and his Red Dragon like to have The Last Stand during a Rush(ed) Hour of sex with the model girlfriend he forgot to mention. Puns are awesome.
  • Rush Limbaugh, arrested this weekend on drug charges, is becoming the Pete Doherty of conservative radio talk show hosts.
  • Speaking of Pete Doherty, the troubled singer is claiming the recent photo depicting him injecting a needle into the arm of a passed out woman was “staged” and a “misunderstanding”. Yeah, media – did you guys ever stop to think that when he’s not getting high on smack, Pete spends his time giving free blood tests to people on kitchen floors? Huh?

Sharon Stone Is To Orangutan As Russell Crowe Is To…


russell crowe.jpgNormally I’d be all for making fun of Sharon Stone. But there’s something about Russell Crowe doing it that makes me want to jump to her defense. Check out what Russell said about the falling Basic Instinct 2 star and her forever-youthful look:

“A lot seems to have changed. When are you not you any more? At what point do you have to get a name change too? You can end up looking like a startled chimpanzee. The eyes are gone, the lips are like rubber tires – or more like an orangutan that has been kicked in the a**e.”

I’m not going to let Russell get away with this. So here’s my question: If Sharon Stone resembles an orangutan, what does that make Russell Crowe? I think I’m going with Manatee. What about you? Any living creature in the animal kingdom is fair game. Throw your answers in the Comments!