Friday Morning Quick Hits

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1020barbie

Tonight Show bandleader Kevin Eubanks thanks LA Firefighters for saving
his home
. Firefighters in turn ask Eubanks to save them from Jay Leno.

Miss America 
pageant still looking for home. Organizers would like to inform you in advance that "your lap" isn’t large enough. Pfft. Men.

Heavily-armed clowns rob donut store in Everett. Police looking for two
suspects described as having white faces, red noses and wide grins, may
be driving a teeny-tiny little car.

Upcoming ‘very special episode’ of Extreme Home Makeover to include a
$500k home for a convicted armed robber
. Ty: "You had me crying at ‘two
DUI convictions”.

Michael Jackson moving to Bahrain after successfully mastering Arabic
phrases inlcuding "Hello", "I am well, and you?" and "How much for the
little boy?"

Just because you’re dead in your car in a mall parking lot doesn’t give you the right to park there for as long as you want.

Google‘s quarterly profit sends shares up 10%. Al Gore waiting for royalties.

Mattel set to revamp Barbie’s Ken in effort to make him cool and hip to
young girls.
Ken crosses his fingers for "Extreme Makeover: Genitalia
Edition".

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Michaeljackson67pict

Sensing a backslide into irrelevance, Jon Bon Jovi tosses verbal  jab at Madonna’s mothering skills. Considers insulting her  acting skills as well, but thwarted by the enormous glass house
he lives in.

Burt Bacharach writes anti-war song. To be covered by  upcoming American Idol contestants in a medley with "Wishin and Hopin", "Raindrops Keep Falling" and "Say a Little Prayer".

Michael Jackson called for jury duty. Expected to giggle like a schoolgirl when asked if he can be fair and impartial.

You can argue all day long about legalizing marijuana, but if your throw a pot plant over a fence where it lands on a passing cop you basically deserve whatever you get.

A&E Gets Sex-Change-tastical!

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Alexis_arquette_carloalegri


"The brother of Courtney Cox’s husband David Arquette, actor Alexis Arquette, is to become a woman in two months. He will be filmed as he goes through therapy sessions before having
hormone injections and then the operation. His brother David and sister
Patricia will also appear in the recording. He has already received the
go-ahead from psychiatrists to proceed with the operation."

A&E you say? I thought this was more up FOX’s alley. Regardless, I will watch and be delighted that television has given birth to a new all time low of bad reality tv programming. What will they think of next? [softpedia article]

Roses have thorns

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Rose

This is by far my favourite Rose. I just wish it wouldn’t do things like date Marylin Manson or you know go and get arrested at a Tmobile party.[CityRag Scoop]

Top Ten Best and Worst Shows for family viewing on prime time broadcast television

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Familyguy_evilmonkey_door



"Each
year, the Parents Television Council rates the best and the worst shows on
primetime television on the seven major broadcast networks. The PTC Best and
Worst list measures series’
appropriateness for family audiences from a content perspective. The seven
broadcast networks included in this listing are ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC, ITV, UPN
and the WB.  Primetime refers to 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. (ET/PT), when the largest
television audience is available."

Well, it looks like I’m hell bound, as four of my favourite shows are listed in the "worst" column.. I guess my mother didn’t raise me properly because the idea of watching "Dancing with the stars" is comparable to the pains of eating brussel sprouts. Maybe… I would reconsider if it came with cheese.[Top 10 List]

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Hasselhoff_loves_puppies

According to this shameless puff-piece, John Travolta is 30 years old,
was the top choice to be the next James Bond, and is about to play
Captain America
. Also, his crap is rainbow-colored, flecked with
24-karat gold, and jasmine-scented.

HBO will air a series about a polygamous Mormon family. All your wives are belong to us.

Paris Hilton
denies having a one-night stand with Tom Sizemore, resulting in the one and only time nobody disputed a claim made by Paris Hilton.

Time Magazine’s list of "five new things that will blow your mind". In other news, "Five New Things That Will Blow Your Mind" movie due to be released from Warner Brothers.

  David Copperfield plans to impregnate woman on stage without using his magic wand.

NYC company offers "customized reality adventures" replete with "executive kidnappings". Michael Douglas not available for comment, as he is trapped in a box in South America.

Birthday Rolex from Marilyn Monroe to JFK sold at auction for $120k. Bidder disappointed to discover birthday song, dance, BJ not included.

Minutes after Fox cancels "The Simple Life", Paris and Nicole realize the world isn’t paying enough attention to them, decide to make up.

Charlize Theron lauded for her immersive research as a coal miner for upcoming movie. Was equally diligent for upcoming role as Aeon Flux, working in Hoover factory, learning how to suck.

Unlike Madonna, Courtney Cox has no problem with her kid watching TV. Protective services threatens to intervene if the child is exposed to any of her dad’s movies.

David Hasselhoff flattered and thankful that hackers use his image to deface web sites. No-no David. Thank you.

The Nintendo Entertainment System turned twenty yesterday, still plays video games in parent’s basement.