Ashton Kutcher Demi Moore Wedding

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"Ashton Kutcher, 27, and Demi Moore, 45, reportedly wed at their Beverly Hills home on Saturday, September 24.   After weeks of speculation, OK! magazine
secured the rights to the exclusive wedding photos, paying an
undisclosed sum (reportedly $3+ million). The on-newsstands-now photo
spread reveals Demi wearing a white Lanvin gown and Ashton wearing a cream Brooks Brothers suit and a fedora."

I look forward to their divorce picture spread. You know, when Demi’s plastic surgery gets out of hand and Ashton still looks like a 16 year old boy.[Just Jared Picture Post]

Tuesday Afternoon Quick Hits

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In an effort to boost sagging poll numbers, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signs on for Terminator 4 and True Lies 2. Well, you can’t say he didn’t warn you he’d be back.

To increase security, banks in Colombia have implemented biometric fingerprint-reader technology into ATMs. Rush of sudden index finger amputations expected in near future.

Hobbit fossils found on Island with small miniature elephant bones have been found and now I can’t help but imagine little people with spears chasing little elephants around the island. Life is good.

Government
has secret team of ‘Ghostbusters’ that go into neighborhoods to detect radioactive material. Peter Venkman unavailable for comment.

Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Elizabeth Hurley wants permission from India to turn the Taj Mahal into a giant pink boobie, for breast cancer benefit. And why not…Who doesn’t love boobies?

Tribute band Nanowar do a gay version of Manowar. In other news the original band Manowar wasn’t gay???

Rodman gives the scoop on Carmen Elektra‘s jungle fever and the one in a million shot, Fuscilli Dennis style.

Wrestler "Hacksaw" Jim Dugin uses his 2×4 for leverage and flips purple school bus with news reporter inside.

Regis Philbin takes the Welch’s Grape Juice Spokesman title from Larry King in a 5-hour, 18-inning prune fest.

"This is your pilot speaking. Our speed is Mach 2, our flying time from Tokyo to New York will be 6 and a half hours."

Wallace, Gromit, Shorn the Sheep and Evil Penguin all perish in
warehouse fire
. Gumby, Pokey, David & Goliath to be pallbearers.

Kevin Smith Talks Back.

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It seems director Kevin Smith decided to take a break from watching Degrassi
High reruns and from filming his latest project, Clerks 2,to
reply to both his fans and haters
on his webpage’s message board.

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"Fan Comment":I didn’t hate Jersey Girl

by Brock Tune

Just found it extremely mediocre, not memorable in the least.

Kevin Smith’s response: Not so, sir: you remembered it was mediocre!

See Kevin Smith’s full post here.

Afternoon Quick Hits

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Little Richard returns half his concert fee, or $30k, to cash-strapped
community. In other news, it apparently costs $75k to get Little
Richard to show up, sing a couple songs, say Oooooh Shut Up, and leave.

Boy
George
institutes the "That’s not my cocaine sitting next to my
computer in my apartment" defense in drug case. Soon to be known as
Karma Chameleon defense.

Photographer
charged with battery after hitting five-year old with his camera,
pushing another out of the way in Disneyland to take pictures of Reese
Witherspoon
. Those Mickey Mouse ears are going to be real popular in
prison.

Vogue editor assaulted by PETA because violence is always the solution. Quite frankly, I think we all should be pelting pies at the readers of Vogue instead. No, I don’t need a reason to dream of such things.

"Seventh Heaven" is now officially the longest running family drama on
TV, despite the fact that you don’t know a single soul that watches it.

A Middle Eastern tv show about militant Islamists and moderate Islamists has drawn the ire of many muslims. It might be the
title…Bombs of our Lives, or was it 2 Arabs, An Infidel, and a
Bomb….or Bombs on a Plane…OR…