Thursday Morning Quick Hits (Part 1)

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Charlotte Church has shoes stolen off her feet. Crowd decides to follow the gourd instead.

Further demonstrating why it is a nation to be admired, Canada bans Martha Stewart.

Eminem files law suit over ring tones. Will the real Slim Shady please answer your phone

Governor Schwarzenegger triples amount people can win if assaulted by paparazzi. Papa Smurf still free to do as he pleases.

Country singer who specializes in drinkin’ and cheatin’ songs is inspired to quit drinkin’ after learnin’ girlfriend is pregnant. Drinkin’ resumes after learnin’ girlfriend was cheatin’ and the baby ain’t his. The songs write themselves

Jason Alexander first heard about his newest show’s cancellation while thumbing through USA Today. Continues to comfort himself by crying softly into pillow made of Seinfeld residual checks.

Sh*ttiest Mixtape Boombox Blast video

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At a recent Crash Test, Aziz Ansari challenged his roommate Zach to see who could come up with the sh* ttiest mixtape.

Each contestant was to choose five songs. Their other roommate, Merlin, would act as judge.

The loser would have to walk around the city blasting all ten songs from a boombox.

Aziz lost the contest.

Azizctest

I can’t believe LFO made it on that tape.  Actually wait. Yes I can.

Watch the video here.

Project Runway 2 Designers

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Just Jared provides us with a quick preview of this season’s Project Runway victims and I have decided to place my bets for who I think will be the final three contestants…based soley on their headshots ( I figure my superficiality is quite fiting to the show’s theme). Why these three, you ask? Here’s the break down: Two of them are rather adorable and the other one looks sort of like jesus and I’ve learned not to mess with people who look like the buddy christ…they mean business.[Just Jared Post]

Nick and Jessica to Divorce

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Gawker has today’s ‘this s**t is bananas’ size scoop on Hollywood’s once Barbie and Ken couple. Quite frankly I don’t consider this all that interesting, unless Miss. Ashlee… sick of being in her sister’s shadow, realizes she has a once in a lifetime opportunity to make the front page again with more of a hoe-up than a hoe down. Ashlee, take a page from Paris Hilton’s memoirs and step up the evil a notch or two. If not for yourself, do it for the peoples![Gawker post]

Wednesday Morning Quick Hits (Take 2)

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Gerard Depardieu uses the ever popular Sean Penn technique to discourage photographer.Sacre bleu-arity ensues.

Dave Matthews Band, Foo Fighters and Switchfoot
want you to break CD Copy Protections. Want to know a better way to spend your time? Sit down and think about why on earth you would want to listen to
a Dave Matthews Band or Switchfoot cd.

Man arrested for falsely lighting emergency beacon.  "Oh, wicked, bad, naughty evil Zoot!", said man.

Today is the day the music died.  Martha Stewart in good ol’ gangsta fashion has decided to launch record label.

Anthony Hopkins to play the role of Ernest Hemingway. Overheard pondering, "vowels in or vowels out?"

Rabies, the musical.

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Everyone has RABIES!
RABIES RABIES RABIES!
RABIES RABIES RABIES RABIES RABIES!
Everyone has RABIES!

Check out "Rabies The Musical".[Link]

Wednesday Morning Quick Hits (Take 1)

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Drphil

Someone started a petition to keep horrible show "The Comeback" on HBO.
Signatures stall at the 3,200 level, as that’s the total number of people
who’ve ever watched the show.

Paris Hilton
‘s ex-fiancee calls her, "The most incredible woman I’ve
ever met in my life."
In other news, a study finds that billionaire heirs
are incredibly sheltered.

Like herpes, Jimmy Kimmel is probably going to be with us until we die

Peter Jackson officially moves onto much bigger rings as he will be producing the live-action Halo movie.  Frodo unavailable for comment, but agrees it looks like a Puma.

Lindsay Lohan suffered minor injuries in her car crash.  Airbags deploy and deflate… again.

Lawsuit filed by suckers bilked into buying into the "Dr. Phil Weight
Loss Plan
." Next lawsuit will come from those who bought all those
bottles of "Dr. Phil’s Super Miracle Grow Hair in a Bottle."

Dr. Phil and Shaq to appear together in Scary Movie 4.  There is nothing good about any part of that sentence.