Google Search: The Bachelor’s Moana Dixon

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Moana

After last night’s thrilling 2 hour episode,  it’s down to two lucky ladies vying for the heart and the manly meatiness of Travis Stork. Now it’s a toss up between kindergarten teacher Sarah Stone and LA hispter Moana Dixon. While Stork and Stone share as much chemistry as a 6 year-old and a bowl of fiber-enriched nutri-grain cereal , Moana seems poised to take the (beef)cake. But after a quick google search and the discovery of Moana’s My Space page, we now think otherwise.  After the jump, we investigate Moana’s page for signs of heartbreak.

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What Happens When You Get Shot by a Sitting Vice President

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The Corpus Christi Caller Times (they broke the story) has a reenactment of the Cheney shooting. George Gongora, an "avid shooter" fired at a paper target 30 yards away. Here’s the result:
"We can pretty much see that at least over 200 BBs have touched this area right here," [George] Gongora said, motioning to the face and torso area of the target.

There’s video too! (No lawyers or Republican donors were harmed in the making of this film.)

While You Were Ordering Take Out

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  • Pop stars Robbie WIlliams and Shakira have prompted rumors of an unlikely romance. People are deeming it unlikely because she happens to be of Columbian decent, while he happens to be gay.
  • Bode Miller was disqualified for straddling a gate today. When reached for comment, Miller slurred, "The gate was asking for it. Anybody want to go to a diner and get some cheese fries?"
  • Sienna Miller says "Stay single." She’s expected to practice what she preaches for at least a couple of hours until she finds somebody else in Hollywood willing to put up with her.
  • Saddam is going on a hunger strike. Which I’d imagine is must easier to do when you’re eating prison food.
  • Chris Penn’s death was an accident. And for the record, so was his involvement in Corky Romano.

Total Winter Olympics Coverage

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Now that the time is once again upon us when we have to pretend to enjoy "sports" such as curling, bobsledding and cross-country skiing, you might find CRACKED’s Guide to the Winter Olympics helpful and informative when trying to maintain coherent conversations with your co-workers about last night’s biathalon matchups.

Go USA!

BEST NIGHT EVER

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With the Olympics, the Westminster Dog Show, Skating With Celebrities, and 24- Monday night really was the Best Night Ever. Don’t believe me? Watch the video.

See? Now what are you waiting for, join our YouTube group NOW.

Hooray for Vajayjay Day!!

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Happy Vagina Monologues Day!! In the past few years, the provocative play has been staged at college campuses, old folks homes and dinner theaters across the country in an effort to make women comfortable with their hoohas.  But more importantly, it’s allowed local reporters to write the innocently crass headlines we have grown to love. Here are 2006′s top three headlines about the Vagina Monologues from around the country.

3. Taking a Crack at the Vagina : This is from a local paper in Alberta Canada. The clever reporter made sure the oft neglected backside wasn’t left out of this V-day celebration. The only thing that could have made this headline better was a negative review (it stinks!)

2. Vagina Warriors Conquer Monologues: This Cal State Polytechnic newsletter takes the ferociously feminst approach, depiting the show as a battle between woman and monlogue. Sure woman beats monologue but doesn’t beat packed screening of The Wedding Singer playing across the hall.

1. Old Vagina Finds Good Body: I have no idea what this means which makes it the best headline ever. Ohio State University’s "student voice" publication apparently finds the play dated or perhaps the performance just isn’t tight enough.

Celebrity Blog Watch: Guess Who!

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Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I figured now’s as good a time as any to check out some celebrity blogs to find out what they have to say about love. And life. And vaginas.

I pulled this quote from a celebrity blog; you have to guess who wrote it. The answer will be after the jump. Okay? Here we go:

Someone told me that women are having their vaginas rejuvenated. That’s
right, rejuvenated and reconstructed and revirginized even. I thought
they were kidding.

Your choices are:

a) Gene Simmons
b) Anderson Cooper
c) Rosie O’Donnell
d) Fred Durst

Who wrote about revirginizing vaginas? Click below to find out.

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An Intervention: I’m Worried About Kelly Clarkson

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It’s been inspiring to see Kelly Clarkson‘s rise from wannabe to Grammy-award winning pop superstar. But recently, there are some disturbing signs that she is turning the corner into some unfortunate territory: Divaville. Here’s why I’m worried:

  • She just sold her old house, which was a modest little number in Mansfield, Texas. It’s fine that she’s selling her house, but watch out if she ends up in a Hollywood mansion with a pool shaped like a microphone.
  • She broke up with her boyfriend, Graham Colton, reportedly due to their "busy schedules." Once again, this is okay. But she needs to be careful that she doesn’t end up with a Hollywood boyfriend or worse, be caught making out with Colin Farrell.
  • Finally, there is the American Idol double whammy: She didn’t want to let AI use her music on their show and she didn’t thank the show when she won the Grammy. Okay, maybe she wants to make a break from the show, but she has to at least acknowledge its role in making her famous. OF course, she’s free to say mean things about Simon.

Kelly, we love you because you’re one of us. Please don’t become one of them.