Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Superman_will_get_his_revenge_damnit

Nicholas Cage names new son Kal-El. Yep…Kal-el Cage. Child will inevitably kneel before Zod.

Macon, GA stuck with bill after Little Richard concert. When asked for
a statement Little Richard responded with, "What? Shut up. Ooooooooooo."

Who knew? James Bond movies promote unsafe sex and fornication.  Pussy Galore, Plenty O’ Toole and Dr. Holly Goodhead are wanted for questioning.

Men
Are From Mars
… author, desperately attempting to hold on to even
minor relevance, states that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were doomed
from the start
. Also points out that the sky is blue, water is wet, and
President Bush is goofy.
 
William Shatner
, on behalf of PETA, tells Louisiana governor she MUST… SAVE... the animals.

Germans have drank less beer at this year’s Oktoberfest. In other news, the Irish are drinking more whiskey at this week’s soccer game.

Oh and before I forget, you too can own Kylie Minogue’s boobie-holder for just $7,560.

*craptacular photoshop courtesy of moi.

Golden Shower

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Fix_023

It’s a steamy love affair but like any relationship they have their hot and cold moments but they always work as a team to iron out their problems. Those of you who are unfamiliar with Sean Klitzner should take some time out of your busy interweb slacking schedule and catch up on Sean’s ‘fixes’.[ watch now]

Teletubbies In Cocaine Bust

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Teletubbies

"While we knew that Tinky Winky was gay, TSG was unaware of the
Teletubbies cocaine connection. When federal officials in New York
yesterday announced the arrest of 22 members of an international drug
cartel, they revealed that cocaine shipments seized by Immigration and
Customs Enforcement agents were labeled with a sweet portrait of the
colorful cartoon quartet. The below photos, snapped by ICE
investigators, show the ring’s distinctive branding of its product. "

Do you think they are all in on it? Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po? Tinky Winky and Dipsy are the obvious suspects here but Laa-Laa is now on my radar. Don’t think your fooling anyone missy, we have all heard your version of Pat-a-cake.[Smoking Gun link

Matt Blanc gets a purrrrfect tattoo

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Leblanc

Panther_tattoo_small

It seems that the press has gotten word of Matt Leblanc having a ‘Panther’ tattoo on his buttocks after a night of drunken antics with a friend. So naturally like any geek, I googled ‘Panther Tattoo’ and I foudn the image you see here. So I’m just going to go ahead and assume my googling skills are totally (totally) awesome and that this tattoo (and that buttocks)is the property of our former ‘Friend’.  That’s some plaid skirt you got there, Matty. [Female First article]

Monday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Mybestfrd

Tara Reid wants us all to know that she’s really a great actress, she
just can’t get roles. Please pay no attention to the "Alone In The
Dark" behind the curtain.

Italian
fashion designer Valentino is on a role these days first calling Paris Hilton ‘nothing’ and now dissing  Cameron Diaz and Julia Roberts for
gallivanting about town looking "like bag ladies and homeless people." People you know what this means,it’s time for a WALK OFF.

White
Stripes
to release "The Denial Twist" as a single. Good news for the
600 people who buy singles, Bad news for the people who are against
hearing the White Stripes new single 25 times a day.

Paris Hilton
gets caught with her pants down again only this time it involves a whole ‘crew’ of men. In other news, why is it we can get videos of Kate Moss snorting lines of coke but when Paris has to go #1 and a whole ‘crew’ of people present, we get jack s**t?

‘Chick flick’ and ‘bikini wax’ are 2 of the 15 new words to enter the latest edition of Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary. The whole world has gone to hell, but how are you?

O.J. sure has a lot of f’ing pulp…

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Oj1776801

The 10th anniversary of O.J. Simpson’s acquittal on the double murder
charges of his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman is upon
us. O.J. celebrated by selling 95 dollar autographs at "a Los Angeles area comic convention."

Only a man with the nicknames of my least favorite breakfast drink (3rd only to Coffee and Apple Juice) would sink this low. Coffee would at least take a more upfront (infomercial?), honest, in your face approach about it.[I don't like you in that way post]

Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Philton1

American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino reveals in her new book that she’s illegiti…illici…she can’t read. In related news Reuben Studdard releases high impact fitness video.

Having not seen her name in the news for 48 hours, Paris Hilton breaks off engagement.

Enrique Iglesias voted sexiest bachelor. Uhh..Yes, nice to mole you. Meet you! Nice to meet your mole. Don’t say mole. I said mole.

Xena discovered to be orbited by Gabrielle. Scientists insist they are just good friends…Nerds everywhere snicker.

Santa Claus receives $5k for fly-by death of reindeer. In other news, Santa exists and has a checking account.

Melissa Etheridge is developing ABC sitcom. This groundbreaking sitcom will feature Etheridge in a role destined to open America’s eyes to homosexuality as a single gay woman named Melissa…just trying to live life, her way. My magic mirror says this show will last half a season only to pave the road for a hit morning talk show called ‘Melissa’. Think of the morning talk show ‘Ellen’ but with Ethridge’s notorious sense of humor…

Well, somebody has to pay dearly for Jen’s happiness…

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387_1_1

Here is your shot to buy the once happy home of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and it will  only cost you a measly $28 million.  But there is no guarantee Brad Pitt will have a night of confusion, only to stumble into your bedroom, drunk, wanting forgiveness and guilt free sex. Not again anyway.

Pfft. For $28 million you think you could at least get his wax figure and a few finger nail clippings. What? Too freaky? He’s dating a  woman (granted a super hot woman) who used to wear a vial of blood around her neck for god’s sake. I think he can handle some wax and dead skin.[Real Estate Listing ]

Link thanks to:
The JJB