Two security guards were shot at a Kanye West show in England, by a fan trying to get in without a ticket. Just what Kanye’s ego needs – the knowledge that people would commit murder to see him perform.
- Sex symbol Jessica Alba is reportedly threatening to sue Hugh Hefner for giving readers the idea that she appears nude in the issue of Playboy on whose cover she
posed forwas featured (Ed. note: Thank you to the veritable Deep Throat of the comments sections for this important clarification). Imagine that, people thinking you might be naked when you’re on the the cover of Playboy!
- Lindsay Lohan claims that she "has no celebrity friends". Probably because they’re all her lovers.
- The success of Brokeback Mountain has apparently "made gay okay" in Hollywood, which for so long been has been known only for its raging heterosexuality.
- Sorry guys, but PoweR Girl and totally desirable babe Lizzie Grubman is off the market. Guess you’ll have to look elsewhere for the vapid, soulless succubus of your dreams!
- If you have as much trouble keeping up as I do, click here for a handy
trainwrecktimeline of Pete Doherty’s wasted life.
In the past few seasons of the Real World, I’ve noticed an increase in frat guy meat-heads per capita on the show. Where as there used to be one token frat guy, in the past few seasons there have 2 per house ( Philly’s MJ & Landon, Austin’s Danny & Wes). But in last night’s premiere of the new Real World in Key West, the producers have distilled the power of 10 frat guys into one protein-shaking, beer-funneling, Adidas flip-flopping, bro-calling super-duper frat guy: Johnny Bananas.
stealing the name Semtex from the Czech
company Explosia. Semtex is the name of one their best-known explosive. I knew
that name would blow up in her face. Or, if you like, this is Madonna’s biggest bomb
since Who’s That Girl.
Madonnais accused of
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- PARENTAL CHALLENGE: Brad Pitt’s issued to his mom. He is reportedly demanding that she choose him and Angelina Jolie or ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.
- FORMER SQUEALER LIKE A PIG: Ned Beatty. He has won the Master Of Cinema Award at the upcoming RiverRun International Film Festival in North Carolina.
- GENDER-BENDING TEACHER: Lily McBeth, 71. Ms. McBeth used to be Mr. McBeth at Eagleswood Elementary in New Jersey.
- QUESTION THAT TAKES A WHOLE BOOK TO ANSWER: Why is Michael Jackson weird? Answered by Margo Jefferson, author of On Michael Jackson.
- PICTURE PERFECT VACATION: TomKat in Tahiti. They sure look happy!
- SECRETARY OF STATE WORKOUT TIPS: Condoleeza Rice‘s. She will be sharing her fitness regimen on the Today show.
- FORMER HOOTERS WAITRESS: Oscar nominee Amy Adams.
- THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY HEADLINE: "Bird Flu Is Found in Cat in Europe, a First"
Paris Hilton is convinced she’s going to be going up against Charlize Theron for movie roles. But only if House of Wax 2 has a potential Oscar winning female lead written in, naturally.
- 15-year-old Emma Watson has been photographed kind-of drinking beer. Corona doesn’t actually count as beer, does it?
- Elton John is throwing a lavish Oscar party. In a related story, Elton John is still gay.
- John Travolta is writing a romantic comedy. Kelly Preston, Xenu being eyed as possible love interests.
- Jodie Foster will deliver this year’s Commencement Address at the University of Pennsylvania. Her advice to the class of ’06? Rub the lotion on your skin or else you’ll get the hose again.
- There was a black-out on the set of Regis & Kelly today. And no, it has nothing to do with Regis or alcohol. This time.
- Eva Longoria is ready to have a baby. Which works out perfectly, because I’m ready to be a father. Call me.
Yes, jokes about President Bush’s inability to properly communicate are getting a little old, but comedian Andy Dick’s short film about this Presidential Speechalist is still pretty goshdurn funny.
- Jen and Brad want to move on so bad they lowered the asking price of their Bev Hills mansion to just $24.9 million. Come on, it’s a bargain.
- Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are reportedly pregnant. We’ll refrain from making a joke here–that baby’s got enough problems.
- Britney Spears at Mardi Gras takes a break from nursing baby, to nurse some beads.
- Lindsay Lohan says she’s not so close to Paris or Nicole. But you know they’d so be there for each other if any of them ever needed anything.
- Vince Vaughn is having second thoughts about relationship with Jennifer Aniston. Has nothing to do with the nose job/ liposuction reports, why?
Tyra gets the "scoop" from Queen Latifah about whether she cleans up after her dog.
For four and a half seasons now, Jack Bauer has outsmarted every single one of his enemies on the hit show 24. Habib Marwan? Dead. Nina Myers? Also dead. Dennis Hopper? He died too… why do you think you haven’t seen him since? The point is, no matter who Jack Bauer has gone up against, he’s always ended up on top. Until this week.
Last night, Jack came face to face with perhaps the greatest force he’s ever had to deal with: Robocop. Okay, actually it was the guy who played Robocop, Peter Weller. But that’s close enough.
Does Jack have what it takes to bring Robocop down? You remember the opening scene of the movie-- Weller gets absolutely destroyed but he manages to live through it. Do you think Jack Bauer is capable of delivering a greater beating than that? The answer:
Well, yes. He can. And in all likelihood he probably will. So that’s why I think Robocop’s having the Best Week Ever. He’s back in the public eye, he’s getting the upper hand on Jack, and chances are he doesn’t have too many weeks left to live. That has "Best Week Ever" written all over it.