- Britney Spears is worried she’ll die the same way Princess Diana did: Married to Prince Charles.
- Heath Ledger wants to play George W. Bush on the big screen. He just can’t get enough of those gay cowboy movies.
- A recent study shows that ugly people are more likely to commit crimes. And more likely to own Metallica T-Shirts.
- Simon Cowell says he doesn’t keep in touch with past American Idol winners. Meanwhile, Paula Abdul continues to insist that she doesn’t have sex with past American Idol losers.
- The British act Elbow will perform a show with 100 children later this month. Michael Jackson wonders out loud, "Why didn’t I ever think of that?"
Mazal Tov, Danza!
Survivor "reality star" Jonny "Fairplay" Dalton got into a real fight the other night in LA, and really got his ass kicked, for real. Check out the video here!
CNN has a video report with the following headline: "Fast food ice found dirtier than toilet water." My cat, Sophie, will be so excited! (She loves toilet water.)
You know, when the Kid Rock-Scott Stapp sex tape showed up yesterday and took the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway) by storm, it seemed like every blogger in the world had some kind of sarcastic, "Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth" reaction to the preview clip. Your first thought might even have been something like, "Gross, I don’t want to see this!" That would be a big mistake.
Personally, I happen to think this has the potential to be the greatest Celebrity Sex Tape yet. I mean, not since Pam and Tommy’s Love Boat have we heard anything as undeniably genius as Stapp’s turning to the camera and unironically declaring, "It’s good to be the King".
You know, as the lead singer of a Christian band, maybe this is Scott’s way of emulating Jesus’ controversial decision to hang out with Mary Magdalene, a Biblical woman of ill repute. Though I definitely don’t remember any Bible verses where Jesus says, "It’s good to be the King of Kings."
Anyway, this got me thinking about other Celebrity Sex Tapes I’ve seen, and things I’ve learned from them…
Star Magazine is worried about Jennifer Aniston. Yes she’s too skinny, but she’s also getting old and she doesn’t have a man!
In this week’s issue, the magazine is just reminding the actress that she’s almost 40. It’s not bad enough that she’s now "living in a small rented beachfront home in Malibu, Calif." They also want her to know people have talking about her. I mean some one even said, "She’s almost 40, and she has no husband, no baby and no Oscar. I think it’s a scary time for her."
Look, Star is just worried about her that’s all. And would it kill her to pick up the phone and call sometimes?
Katie Holmes got $5 million and a career boost in exchange for 5 years of servitude and one kid she’s forced to raise in an undisclosed location.
Debbie Rowe got $5 million, a Beverly Hills mansion and a $900,000 a year salary in exchange for two kids who she’s not allowed to see.
So who do you think got the better deal?
Not only is she a great actress, a beautiful woman, very smart, and apparently a good mother, but Julianne Moore can talk basketball with Samuel L. Jackson! Plus, she loves American Idol and even called in to vote during the first season! (Yes, I’m watching The View.) By the way, she totally ruled in The Ladies Man. You should check it out.
And Halle Berry presents " The Reason You Rented Swordfish from Blockbuster last weekend."
(Pic courtesy of the fantastic Egotastic!)
Vice President Dick "Buckshot" Cheney kept his word to the inmates at California’s maximum security Folsom State Prison. He played a one hour set with his band "Dickie and The Trigger Happy Birdie Killers". The set received a luke warm reception until Cheney launched into his new, as yet unreleased, single "Go F***Yourself". During the guitar solo the Vice President thrilled the assembled audience by producing a rifle and opening fire. "He seems angry. Very angry" one inmate said "I mean, I always thought that the American people didn’t like to vote for angry people but…Man, that dude is angry!" I managed to obtain a tape of the performance and am proud to present it here….
Okay, I realize I’ve posted a lot about Dick Cheney this week… some might say I’ve made more bad Dick jokes than Jay Leno… but cut me some slack, it’s not every day the Vice President shoots a man in the face. At least, I don’t think it is. We’ll never really know.
Well, this is my last Dick Cheney post, I promise. It’s a good one. Click the link and listen to the song.