Friday Quick Hits: They Come From the Land Down Under

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Dundee

Sweden is gearing up to celebrate Greta Garbo’s 100th birthday, despite her passing away 15 years ago. Meanwhile, we here at Best Week Ever would like to wish Louis XIV a happy 367th birthday today!

Adraiaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!! Rocky to lose his wife in Rocky VI. It’s expected to be his biggest loss since he lost his dignity in Rocky V.

Nicole Kidman has been named the richest young Australian celebrity. Paul Hogan scrambles to make Crocodile Dundee 4.

Some guy has broken the Guinness record by watching TV for almost 70 hours. Those Laguna Beach marathons have a way of sucking you in, don’t they?

Nintendo has unveiled their revolutionary one-handed controller. Now that gamers have a free hand, Tomb Raider sales are expected to skyrocket.

Are you sick of your "In Da Club" ringtone? Check out Bliptones, the world’s first "indie-only ringtone webstore." Be the first kid on your block with a Clap Your Hands Say Yeah ringtone… and then, the first one to dismiss them as being "so over!"

One of these things is not like the other

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Renee Zellweger denies marriage problems

"I’m happily married but I don’t talk about it because I want to keep my precious things precious." 

Renee Hits Back At Marriage Claims

Kenny and Renee Still Happy

Zellweger Denies Marriage Is On Rocks

Zellweger Cites ‘Fraud’ in Chesney Split

Once again, credible news sources like Us Weekly, Star, and In Touch are… well… right. Kenny and Renee are calling it quits after four months.

Now all Kenny has to do is lose his truck and his dog and he’ll have a whole album’s worth of new material. Go get ‘em Kenny!

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Rachaelraycollandersmall

Donald Trump to make appearance on a Soap Opera, his comb-over holds out for more money and it’s own trailer.

Marky Mark claims lots of men follow him into the john to check out his
johnson. Patrons at the Man Hole and Blue Oyster are unavailable for
comments.

Swiss Death Metal band Almagortis releases "Chainsaw Ass Massacre,"
raising question of which is funnier: "Chainsaw Ass Massacre" or "Swiss
Death Metal."

Gwyneth Paltrow is teaching her daughter Apple to speak Spanish. Preparing her for a life of being called Manzana.

Okay. Try to read this story without cracking a smile. I double dog dare you: Paul McCartney’s wife loses her leg after attempting to crash a J.Lo
fashion show
when she tried to preach to Mrs. Lopez about the evils of wearing fur only to be kicked out by security before reattaching her leg.

TV chef Rachel Ray is now engaged. This means she can finally start eating what she cooks.

Indian girl weds lover’s brother to beat the law. Looks like call centers aren’t the only thing Arkansas is outsourcing.

Zookeepers
install seven-ton treadmill to keep isolated female elephant
from getting fat. She will likely just use it to hang the clothes from her
trunk.

Therapy Films

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Therapy_films

Here is a small collection of hilarious short films for your viewing pleasure, courtesy of Therapy films. They are short and not all that sweet.[link]

Supermodels never learn

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"THE Daily Mirror today reveals shocking pictures of supermodel Kate Moss snorting a fat line of cocaine during a debauched drugs and drink session with junkie lover Pete Doherty."

Five lines of coke in the space of 40 minutes, you say? Not the former heroin sheik model Kate Moss who so happens to be in healthy and happy relationship with a ‘rock star’? Not again! I guess that $30,000.00 stomach implant of Naltroxene she bought her man was sort of a waste of money. Imagine the coke she could have bought with $30,000.00.  She could have built a house with that much cocaine… and then you know, snorted it down in only five "fat" lines.[Mirror article] [gigawise article] [gawker article]

Added: Well, the picture has surfaced.

The Couch Trip

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5terminal 

"Two guys and a couch see a little bit of the city; 35-freak laden NYC
blocks, in fact. Check out this photo journal in which porn, pizza, fat
guys in Hummers, and an accordion slinger all glide past as a humble
bit of furniture has a night on the town. Includes some great pictures,
a few short videos, and for some reason a person freely choosing to eat
at a Domino’s Pizza in New York City."

A completely reasonable way to spend an evening in New York.[Screenhead link]

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Richard Branson’s latest adventure: starting an anti-snob wine operation that uses screw-top lids.

Paris Hilton cell phone hacker gets 11 months in a juvenile facility, job at Microsoft upon release pending.

Home Shopping Network launches new reality show. Participants to lie
about ugly overpriced jewelry and attempt to convince old ladies into
buying it.

Surreal Life producers begin drooling like dogs as arrest warrant issued for Dennis Rodman.

James
Brown’s wife
flees with their child, currently in hiding; said she’s
tired of the drugs and abuse, needs to jump back, kiss herself.

Sex Pistols to be honored on London’s Walk Of Fame. God Save The Queen.

98 Degree singer is not giving up on political career. He returns to studio to continue a ‘music’ career he should give up on.

Shanghai
resident told to learn to speak the English more goodly so visitors confuse they don’t at 2010 Expo of World.   uh….

I can see the FOX reality TV show now: When good sea lions go bad.

China hoping to make condom use as common as eating cabbage.  In other news, eating cabbage is  known to be historically difficult in China.

image thanks to:
The Cobra Snake