- Jennifer Aniston called into Monday’s episode of Oprah to address rumors about her and Vince Vaughn’s
imminent wedding. Aniston confused viewers when she kept referring to Oprah as "Miss
Cleo", and repeatedly demanded to know whether or not "this one really loves me".
- Kevin Federline says he loves his ‘pimp image’. You know, nothing says "pimp" quite like asking permission to use the ATM card so you can run out to buy more Pampers.
- Paris Hilton has announced her new line of mobile phone video games. Sources are saying one of the games is just like Super Mario Bros, except instead of saving the Princess at the end of the level, you videotape yourself f**king her.
- The bodyguard in charge of Brangelina’s Birth Fortress of Solitude has told the press that if he catches any paparazzi taking pictures, he’ll put them into the hospital. Sounds like somebody forgot the first rule of Fight Club.
- Michael Jackson’s latest child molestation case has been dismissed. For those of you keeping score, that’s Michael Jackson: 82, molested children: 0.
I’m just going to shut up and let you enjoy these. The words "Scarlett Johansson in a bikini" may be the only ones I like more than "Snakes on a Plane." Maybe.
Thank you BlogNYC. Seriously, thanks. Oh, by the way, the dude in the second picture is Scarlett’s boyfriend Josh Hartnett, star of Pearl Harbor, 40 Days & 40 Nights, Hollywood Homicide and Wicker Park. Sometimes life isn’t fair.
UPDATE: Here’s another phrase I had the pleasure of hearing today– "take the Scarlett Johansson pictures down." Interesting. Well, they’re gone. But if you really want to see them, I’d advise you head over to:
- A Socialite’s Life
- Pink Is The New Blog
- Dana’s Dirt
- The Superficial
- I Don’t Like You In That Way
Honestly, the list is endless. Happy hunting!
In an effort to further endear himself to the American public, Tom wants to paint a prettier image of the upcoming birth of his baby Tomkat. Now, we all know that Katie will give birth in silence, but the question was "What’s Tom going to do during/after labor?" Well, now we know:
"Iâ€™m gonna eat the placenta, too.
I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. Iâ€™m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.â€
Next up– Tom’s plan to start eating brains, like the trained freaky horror-movie zombie he is.
In the meantime, Viceland has a couple of reciples for placenta that Tom can check out. I can’t wait to see him on Celebrity Cooking Showdown!
We mentioned yesterday that Angelina and Brad’s bodyguards were getting tough in Namibia, in order to ensure a private birth for the superstar couple.
Today, their security boss Mick Brett has issued a statement If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will f*cking smash someone to pieces…I’m not joking. I’ll f*cking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."
Isn’t having a baby the most magical, wondrous experience in your life?
Bob Castrone had the Best Night Ever watching Prison Break,24 and Celebrity Cooking Showdown.
LONG OVERDUE COMBACK: Jolt Cola. Red Bull’s predesessor is being relaunched in a new ‘battery’ bottle for a new crop of pre-teens looking for stimulants. (Adfreak)
SIGN THAT AMERICA’S OBESITY PROBLEM IS ONLY GETTING WORSE: A guy in Indiana is selling burial caskets that are 52 inches wide, twice the size of normal caskets. (D-Listed)
MOMENT CHILDHOOD ENDS: Witnessing the Easter Bunny attack a women at a Florida Mall. It really happened though some kids who saw it were convinced it was only a dream. (Smoking Gun)
PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS: Heavy rains in Mexico has caused filming of Mel Gibson’s Mayan epic Apocalypto to be delayed. (ONTD)
REASON PIPER WEISS IS A GREAT NAME: Because it translates to "Wisteria Bramble of Willowbottom" when you put it in the Hobbit Name Generator. (Barbie Martini)
Check out this recent footage of Britney Spears in dancing to her own upcoming single To My Sister. But while Britney gets swept away in the magic of her own swan-like movements paired with this heartfelt ode to sis Jamie Lynn, some woman in the background tries to inconspicuously leave the room. No doubt the woman was moved to tears and simply running to the bathroom to collect herself. (Link via IDLYITW)
Brace yourselves. I’m about to do something I haven’t done in years– I’m about to defend Lindsay Lohan.
Some of my favorite websites (like Gawker) have been ragging on Lindsay today for her fake-cake-eating on this weekend’s SNL. If you watch the clip, you’ll see that Lindsay repeatedly brings the spoon up to her mouth to "eat" but never actually does so.
Now, it’s easy to make fun of Double L and call her anorexic for not scarfing down on the chocolate cake, but I’m going to stand up and say that Lindsay was just playing it safe so she didn’t get caught with food in her mouth on live TV. From a guy who choked on a muffin on stage during his middle school production of Oklahoma, I’m just going to come right out and say that eating on display isn’t nearly as easy as it seems.
Wait a second. I meant to say if I appeared in my middle school production of Oklahoma I bet it wouldn’t have been easy. It was a… hypothetical. Shut up, leave me alone.
Imagine being the governor of Namibia. I’m sure that’s something you’ve done in the past, but I want you to take a second to imagine it again. Okay. Let’s move on.
Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma is the governor of Namibia, and this week he’s taking a break from dealing with actual problems and issues to focus on something much more important: protecting Brangelina in their glorious quest to have a baby without the paparazzi bothering them. So not only do Brad and Angelina have lions protecting them, they have Samuel and his threat to arrest journalists if they enter his country without proper work permits. Thats a one-two punch that you’re not gonna get up from. Take that, People.
So with the added star power, the glowing endorsements (Angelina "loves Namibia") and the last name with 3 ‘u’s in it, all signs point to Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma having the best week ever. In Namibia, at least.