Dear Dr. Weiss,
I’ve frozen myself in blocks of ice and buried myself alive. This May, I plan to float underwater for a week(see picture). So why do I still feel so unfulfilled? Please help.
I’m glad you made the choice to ask for help. But I’m afraid your latest stunt– a week in an underwater aquarium in New York’s Lincoln Center– is just another cry for help. (letter continues after the jump)
For all you religious types who like to celebrate the resurrection of the Messiah by hunting for creme-filled chocolate eggs left by an oversize rabbit, those crazy kids over at CRACKED have put together a really funny animation series about a little boy, his chocolate bunny, and the true meaning of Easter.
Tom Cruise– not only does the man love women (and believe me, he f’ing loves women)– but he loves pregnant women as well. Especially when they’re carrying a little Scientology fetus that he can mold and shape and someday send out into the world to do his evil bidding for him. There’s nothing he loves more.
Well, there’s one thing: Photoshop Contests. That’s why we’re holding a Tom Cruise: You Complete Me Photoshop Contest in honor of the soon to be baby Tomkat.
We’ve provided a cut out Tom below, now it’s up to you to put him wherever you want. You Complete Him, just like Renee Zellweger did in Jerry Maguire. It’s totally your call.
Email your submissions to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com. We’ll post our favorites every day next week, right up until the baby is hatched. I mean born.
So click the link below and get your You Complete Me Tom right now. Anything goes! Good luck!
If you watched last week’s Best Week Ever – and you better have! – you probably remember the segment we did about this awesome website where you can upload your picture and it will scan your face and tell you which celebrities you most resemble. Usually, I hate it when people tell me I look like a famous person, because a) it’s a completely pointless observation and b) I’m typically offended by who they’ve compared me with. But this site is complimentary to the point of flattery – at least it was for me. My top 3 were Mark Wahlberg, Jake Gyllenhaal and David Beckham. Yeah, I don’t really see that either…but I’ll take it! Anyway, play around with it and have some fun!
British rogue Hugh Grant is claiming that his role in the upcoming controversial film American Dreamz caused him to pack on the pounds. Grant who portrays a harshly critical judge on an American Idol-esque TV show, says during the filming of the movie, "I got fatter than I’ve ever been in my life…"
Based on this recent candid photo of Grant, fat’s the least of his problems. Somewhere, a Minnesotan soccer mom, is walking around wearing his dapper English suit.
Alex had the best night ever watching That 70’s Show, American Inventor, The OC, and Commander In Chief.
The past week saw the return of tons of ideas- gas prices, celebrity babies, etc- and a couple new ones, like…oh, who am I kidding? It’s all the same old ones.
HEADLINE: University Ninja Ambushed by Feds On Way To Dining Hall (MTV News)
BLOG THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY KNEW WAS COMING: Baby Cruise: The Story of TomKat, as told by their soon-to-be-born alien baby. (Baby Cruise)
BORING TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT: The Boredoms are touring North America, Europe. (Pitchfork)
THE "932 COMMENTS AND COUNTING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" MOMENT: The Banker from Deal or No Deal has a "blog." The one entry consists of the Banker saying "everybody is stupider than me." Nearly a thousand people respond, essentially with a "No you’re not!" Wow. (Deal or No Deal via Pop Candy)
SPAZ: American Idol’s Taylor Hicks was offended when Simon asked him if he was drunk. Can anybody say anything without it being offensive anymore? Morons. (uh-oh) (TMZ)
MUCH APPRECIATION ON BOTH ENDS: Today some people were writing about Kylie Minogue because she’s an inspiration having beat cancer. Others were writing about her perfect ass. We happen to think that she’s beautiful from top to… bottom. (Egotastic & The NY Post, respectively)
I love Punk’d and not just because the show’s success allows Viacom to write me a check each week, but also because I get to see how truly despicable my favorite celebrities really are when they think no one’s watching. Unfortunately, some celebrities like Ryan Phillipe, Edward Norton, and A-Rod are so despicable, they won’t let the show air their segments. (Check out this list of punk’ds that will never air here. )
Meanwhile, in a perfect world, where celebrities don’t have to sign release forms, these are the Punk’d scenarios I’d like to see:
- Sarah Jessica Parker gets her poofy skirt caught in a shredding machine.
- Tom Cruise is caught looking in the mirror when he thinks he’s alone
- Katie Couric goes to a party where some one younger and prettier than her is wearing the same outfit
- Anything that will cause Zach Braff to assault a little kid again
Now it’s your turn. Tell us what punks you’d like to see. Maybe some one with power at MTV is reading this, but we doubt it.