Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Next,
on this week’s episode of "Cletus & Britney" he wants to name
their baby "Vegas"
and give him a traditional Christian upbringing,
while she’s pushing for the Kabbalah faith.

Rod Stewart gets paid $2 million for casino gig he never played. Casino owner says it was the best money he ever spent.

Japanese movie theater
offers discount tickets to outspoken nerds. Just say "one ticket for a geek" at booth, and you’re in.

Two naked women swim up the set of "Lost", requesting jobs. Apparently no one felt it necessary to FILM this event, even though there were cameras probably everywhere. Perhaps a few cell phone photos will surface tomorrow. In the meantime, I smell something fishy about this…

Radiohead and Pulp combine to form wizardly super-group Weird Sisters.Well there goes Hermione Granger’s academic career. 

Turkish novelist could face three years in prison, after being charged
with "insulting national character."
And yet Oprah still roams free. .
.

For
some reason, a movie about kinky sex, lesbian orgies and vampires
bathing in virgin blood has managed to run afoul of the Conference of
Catholic Bishops
. Note to self: See Eternal.

The entire 4th season of 24 will be on A&E during a two day marathon starting this Sunday. Guess it’s time for you people to clear your TIVOs.

Police shut down stripper auction. Strip club visitors will have to go
back to the old method of buying the girls overpriced drinks.

Scarlett Johansson tells the press that she finds Woody Allen sexier than her current boyfriend Josh Harnett. Sorry Scarlett, you’re about 8 years too old for Woody.

“OMG!!! Jassica No More??”

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We’ve had to deal with a lot of high-profile celebrity breakups, but few have been as rough as the heart-wrenching demise of Laguna Beach’s
very own Jason and Jessica, also known as Jassica (or Jesson, whichever
you prefer). I know what you’re thinking. Are they really over and
done? Is there such a thing as love at first TRL appearance anymore? If
they can’t make it work, what hopes do the rest of us have?

It was a sad day of television when Jason and Jessica  of Laguna Beach parted ways but thank goodness TVgasm is here for us with a tissue…and some laughs…at their expense. Enjoy.[link]

Wednesday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Schwarzenegger museum to close due to financial problems.  Don’t worry:  it will be back. Maybe. Okay… Probably not.

Journey keyboardist and his appendix go their Separate Ways. Band tells
Pittsburgh The Party’s Over, but hopefully We Will Meet Again.

The BBC gets into the slow news day spirit by interviewing four online game addicts.

Academics plan Springsteen symposium. Papers include "Marxist
Perspective on ‘Darkness on the Edge of Town’", "The Boss and the
Bible", "Dancin’ In the Dark: The Whitest Dance Moves Ever Captured On
Film".

Sex
and the City
writer feels guilty that she only has 60 pairs of shoes.
Imelda Marcos scoffs, says wake her up when amateur hour is over.

Hulahoop Ninja

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This guy deserves his very own post. I don’t know about you people, but I want this dude at my next party. He’s the hulahoop master.[link]

Is Gwen Stefani still a fat dork?

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Gwen Stefani
says she can’t consider herself a sex symbol because she still
thinks of herself as "fat little dorky kid." 
I was not aware that dorky fat kids were comfortable enough to showcase their stomach at every public event. Well, I just didn’t know that until TODAY. Thank you Gwen. Thank you for showing us the light. You are an inspiration to  dorky fat kids everywhere! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go grab a dingdong because it’s obviously working wonders for you.

“Chick” by Nicky Hilton Fashion Show

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I’m not a fashionista but I’m pretty sure that’s not a dress. I see where her knees start  and I see where that skirt ends and I’m thinking it’s more bedroom attire than clubbing wear. Shockingly, even with that being said the rest of Nicky‘s fashions look as if they will be hitting  K-mart this fall, a store I’m sure Nicky doesn’t even know exists.[link]

Naomi Campbell, super-bitch strikes again!

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Notoriously super-rude supermodel Naomi Campbell smacks around another woman. You know, if you people had done your research you would have known she is acting this way because her serotonin levels are down. Sit her down, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman alive (lying is just part of the job), give her a cookie and a glass of milk and she’ll be back to her super sweet self in no time.[Perez Hilton scoop]

The Sh*t Hits The Fans

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Toilet

"You know, I’m not even sure where to begin this week. To be honest,
after finding out the truth about what went on behind camera (or in
some cases, in front of the camera but never aired) on Kill Reality
it kind of makes watching people whack potato chip bags around seem
kind of dull. For those of you who aren’t aware, I am referring of
course to the article from Radar magazine mentioned here yesterday in which it describes the off-screen antics of our reality stars."

Continue reading over at Tvgasm.