How To Sleep In College

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BWE’s Pete Holmes is all about helping out. He’s that kind of guy. So if you’re in college and you have trouble sleeping, this is for you.

The most important thing I learned in college was how to sleep. I’m not even sure what my major was, but the sleeping skills I learned living in the dorms will stay with me forever.

Read the whole thing here. Hopefully Pete’s next column will focus on how to sleep with somebody in college. Just a thought Pete, just a thought. We’re listening.

Ben Seaver Thugs It Out

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After the very public ousting of Source Magazine’s CEO David Mays and president  Ray "Benzino" Scott, the embroiled magazine has settled on a new editor, Jeremy Miller.

Best Week Ever did a little digging into Mr. Miller’s past and discovered the new editor may have actually  played Ben Seaver on the long running sitcom Growing Pains. With the advent of this new editorial position that promises gang wars and violent feuds,  it’s clear that Miller– unlike co-stars Kirk Cameron and Chelsea Noble–has been Left Behind.

Today in Celebrity Conception

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On this day in 1925, Johnny Carson was conceived because his parents had no late-night television to watch. This was also the day that Carson’s father coined the phrase “Heeeeere’s Johnny,” which he said to his wife.

Also conceived today: Pele (1940), Michael Crichton (1942), "Weird" Al Yankovic (1959)

Are You Ready For Some Football?

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If you’re already gearing up for Sunday’s Super Bowl Big and Tall, click on over to SPN.com for "more than complete mega-coverage" of "all the latest in sports – so your friends don’t think you’re queer".

(via CRACKED)

“American Idol”: Twin Killing

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Terrell and Derrell are gone. E! has the story:

Fox has dashed Terrell and Derrell Brittenum’s dreams of becoming the next American Idols. The 28-year-old identical twin brothers were "uninvited" from the competition after their criminal records became public fodder, their lawyer said. "It was an amicable breakup," attorney Maurice Bennett said on an Atlanta radio station. "The guys understood why. It’s amazing how these things work."

It is amazing. Who would expect a little thing like being charged with using another man’s identity to buy a 2005 Dodge Magnum would get you kicked off the show?

“Did you know Bill Brasky?”

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It’s things like this that make me love the creators of Wikipedia.  Here a few fun facts about SNL’s mythical drinking buddy, Bill Brasky (as written by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay):

  • "I went camping with Brasky, his wife, and his daughter Debbie! Debbie Brasky. She’s 7-years-old, goes about 3’5", 55 pounds. So, I’m in the back of a pickup with Bill Brasky and a live deer! Well, Brasky, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I’m Bill Brasky! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth – "Billbrasky!" It wasn’t exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!"
  • "Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!"
  • "Did I ever tell you about the time I had breakfast with Brasky? Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, ‘All in all, I prefer gin!’"
  • "He’s a 10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby Shrimp Scampi."

For Your Consideration

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With the Academy Award nominations announcement coming up on Tuesday morning, Hollywood is currently bathing itself in fear, Xanax and delusion.  But who really cares about their glitzy back-patting party, when the only awards that truly matter – the Razzies – have begun taking their yearly inventory of Tinseltown’s most awful godawfulness?

Don’t just sit there – go vote for your least favorite movies and stars.  With the Razzies, you ARE the Academy!

In Case You Missed It: My Doorbell Remix

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I’m not a guy who likes cutesy things. I’m sorry, I’m not. When I see little Anne Geddes babies dressed up like flowers I don’t go "awwwwww." I run away. They freak me out.

Okay, now that that’s established I just have to say I’m sorry… but this is too cute. It made me smile, and I’m sure it’ll make you smile too. If it doesn’t, it can only mean one thing: You hate children.

Thanks to The Modern Age for the link. And to Little Jack’s parents for introducing the kid to The White Stripes at such a young age.

CORN FLAKES: Your Inessential Essentials

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Brittney Murphy: Jack of all trades

For writer Aaron Sorkin’s only one thing is worse than last weeks cancellation of The West Wing:  a hooker with a book deal

This weekend at the Box Office, Men in Fat Suits were the new Gay Cowboy

Last night at the SAG Awards, anything else was the new Gay Cowboy

American Idol doesn’t want their show stolen by twin criminals

America’s fate hangs in the balance after assasination of two TV presidents. First West Wing now, Woman Wing.

Reclusive Sly of the Family Stone may come out of hiding for his Grammy tribute. No word on whether Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton. Rachel McAdams or the rest of the Family Stone will be in attendance.