Games: Sweet Smarts

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Everyone has their strengths. Some people are good at quantum physics, others pottery. If you haven’t discovered your special calling yet, consider chocolate bar indentifcation.

In this game, you have to name that candy bar just by seeing its insides.

Are you a candy prodigy?

This Day in Celebrity Conception

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On this day in 1969, Nancy Kerrigan was conceived. The blessed event might have begun with Nancy’s parents going to their local cinema for a matinee, maybe even the Brokeback Mountain of its time, Midnight Cowboy. On the way home, they could have gotten themselves in the mood by listening to the number one R&B song that week, "I Can’t Get Next to You" by the Temptations. At the house, they likely saw the news that the Soyuz 8 had been launched, then caught Marcus Welby, MD, before retiring to the bedroom to create the future Olympic silver medalist and partner of Dave Coulier. (The Russian judge gave her father’s performance a 4.7.) Well done, Kerrigans. The world thanks you.

Also conceived today: Sammy Hagar (1947), Paul Simon (1941), Marie Osmond (1959), Ashanti (1980)

Paris Hilton: Pee Diddy?

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According to Female First, there’s a Hawaiian taxi driver who says that Paris Hilton was "too drunk to notice she’d wet herself" when he picked up her and her boyfriend. The driver says he cleaned up the mess with a towel and plans to use it as DNA evidence. Guy, you’ve got Paris Hilton’s pee-stained towel: forget the DNA and go straight to ebay!

I Wish I Could Quit You

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Paul Scheer has been on fire lately. If you love Lost, King Kong, or 24 you must check out his blog. You must.

I love this movie poster. It’s probably the only way Kong would get into the Academy Awards this year.

Chuck Norris Does It All

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You can’t go anywhere these days without hearing the name Chuck Norris. The Random Fact Generator is probably the best thing to ever happen to his career (besides Sidekicks.)

I’m not sure how old this video is (Livejournal people), but it’s new to me. And it’s phenomenal. Watch Chuck Norris sing Meatloaf’s "I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)" here.

Gorillamask. They’ve done it again.

Absolut Kravitz

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ABSOLUT is proud to announce the launch of ABSOLUT KRAVITZ – a new music project which sees Lenny Kravitz creating an exclusive new track based on his interpretation of the ABSOLUT brand.

I can’t believe Lenny sold out. This is utterly shocking! I mean, for the guy from the Gap commercials to go and sell out… is nothing sacred?  [Absolut Kravitz]

From Stereogum.

The Seed of Gallo

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Director Vincent Gallo is selling his sperm on his website. Just like Steven Spielberg does!

Hoping to offend as many people at one time as possible, here are a couple of lines from the description.

  • There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases.
  • Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.
  • Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.
  • If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.)

Unfortunately for Vincent, I don’t think anybody’s seen The Brown Bunny.

So come on people, who’s going to step up and buy Vinnie’s sperm for $1 million? Any takers? (no pun intended)

It’s A Bad Day For The Mastersons

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Today FOX cancelled Malcolm In The Middle and That 70′s Show. Tomorrow, FOX plans on sending a big bucket of crap to the guy standing in between Danny & Chris Masterson in that picture.

On the cancellations, FOX’s programming chief said, "We don’t want to see these shows crawl to their endings." Um, sorry, but have you seen That 70′s Show this season? Yeah, neither have we. Exactly.

So now that Chris (the one from Malcolm) and Danny (the one from 70′s) are out of work, I think we all know what’s next. One word: Celebreality.