Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Madonna has slammed Paris Hilton for using Kabbalah as a fashion accessory. Because you know, she thought of it first.

Chris Klein doesn’t blame Tom Cruise for his breakup with Katie Holmes. He blames Rollerball.

Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas said she’s never had cosmetic surgery, but she’d consider having Botox to improve her sun ravaged skin. She’d also consider songwriting lessons to improve "My Humps."

Howard Stern was suspended for a day after promoting his move to Sirius on the air. I guess the executives at Infinity didn’t want the word to get out that he’s moving to Sirius. So they suspended him. And now it’s being reported everywhere that he got suspended for mentioning Sirius. You know, the satellite radio service, Sirius. Way to keep it on the down low guys. Siriusly.

Ben Stiller is being considered to star in a new "Ghostbusters" movie. Who’s he gonna call? Probably Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and Will Ferrell.

Philadelphia Phillies’ pitcher Ugueth Urbina was arrested and charged with attempted murder in Venezuela. Philadelphia fans declare that he’s still not as bad as Terrell Owens.

SNL Jeffrey’s skit

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"Hilarious skit with Will Ferrell, Sean Hayes, Horotatio Sanz, and Jimmy Fallon and they all crack up hysterically by the end!"

No! No! This may be the funniest skit where Jimmy Fallon messes it up and you don’t even care. Enjoy this classic SNL skit.[Smit Happens Video Post] 

Family Guy’s F.C.C. Song

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In case you didn’t catch last night’s episode of Family Guy or if you just gotta have your fix again, Screenhead has the F.C.C. song links you require. Comedy gold is only clicks away folks.[Screenhead Post]

Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Yoko Ono apologizes to Paul McCartney for calling him a bad songwriter,
still doesn’t take responsibility for breaking up the Beatles.

Times Square theater accidentally shows beginning of film with graphic
suicide
instead of Chicken Little; offers angry parents coupons for
free movies and fires Tyler Durden and here you thought that even a hummingbird couldn’t catch Tyler at work.

Hong Kong man sentenced to three months prison by the Ministry for the
Control of Bad Movies after sharing online "Daredevil" and "Miss
Congeniality".

Lindsay
Lohan
and her boyfriend, Jared Leto, set to make movie about the murder
of John Lennon
. Tentative titles include "You’ll want your $9.50 back"
and "A straight to DVD production".

Johnny Rotten wants to perform to the people of Iraq despite fearing they could stone him to death. If we could only be so lucky.

  In
order to make a better work place, company bans people being grumpy.
Doc, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Happy, and Bashful praise the decision.

A Bruised And Subpoenaed Paris Hilton

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"This time, however, you can blame over-ardent fans, says Hilton
consultant Elliot Mintz. "She’s very slender and can bruise easily,"
Mintz explains. "And that’s what happens when too many people are
coming at her and bodyguards are trying to move her around." Mintz said
Paris was in Las Vegas recently when she got mobbed. "You can say it
was frenzied fan overreaction," he said — and the bruises are
"absolutely, positively not" caused by her muscular new lover, Stavros
Niarchos."

…and just when you thought the life of Paris was taking a vacation from the press….BAM!… Subpoenaed Paris Hilton. subpoenas are the new pink.[A Sociliate Life Scoop]

Nicole Richie: Has O.C. Fever

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"Nicole Richie could be moving to The O.C. The fourth series of The Simple Life has been dropped and Nic is eager to get her face back on TV. Now the starlet is best friends with O.C
star Mischa Barton, the actress is pushing for executives to cast
Nicole as the new girl in town. "FOX loves Nicole," the insider says.
"Since
The O.C. also airs on FOX, Nicole could easily be added to that cast. Nicole is a huge fan of The O.C. and she loves Mischa. She’d love to join that show."

Playing an drug loving anorexic evil fembot should come naturally for Ms. Richie. So I applaud and encourage FOX’s decision. In fact, I think the show needs its very own "Brenda". Now if they could just get a Peach Pit to the O.C., the show’s ratings could finally take off. Perez Hilton (who may never leave California) has the scoop.[Perez Post]