Tuesday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Voltitle

Paul McCartney gets by with a little help from his friends – claims George helped him write a song from beyond the grave.

Christian critics say Jessica Simpson video is "too sexy". Claim they were just watching it for "umm…research".

Voltron is coming to the big screen.  No word on the Sven vs Alura blue lion controversy

Was Owen Wilson the key to the Wes Anderson phenomenon? Personally, I believe every movie should have a little bit of the O factor.

Terrell Owens will show up to training camp but will not be happy if he fails to get a new deal. In other news, Terrell Owens leaves a trail of slime that glows in the dark.

Mel Gibson to write, direct, produce new movie in Mayan language.  Hollywood surrenders.

Trying to remain relevant, TV Guide changes magazine’s format . They just couldn’t keep up with writing a synopsis of all 19 million shows on 5000 channels.

Sienna and Orlando sitting in a tree…K-i-s-s-i-n-g?

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Sienna Miller strikes back with a vengeance with that dude who played an elf and a pirate in training, Orlando Bloom. She doesn’t cancel the engagement, but instead gives Jude Law a quick and very public taste of his own medicine. The Sun was there, of course, to capture what could be revenge– or just a friendly snuggle session that we will fully blow out of proportion.

Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Missy Elliott wants to give Michael Jackson an extreme
makeover.
“I would give him some thugged-out braids, a wife-beater, a
pair of jeans, and penny loafers”.

Sith

"Law & Order" creator Dick Wolf looking forward to producing yet
another series
. "Law & Order: Beating a Good Thing into the Ground"
due out this fall.

Final Star Wars flick on DVD Nov. 1 – and then again every six months thereafter with a super secret special edition.

Goodbye my baby, Goodbye my honey, Goodbye my ragtime doll Warner Brothers has fired Michigan J. Frog.

Man found guilty of forging Cameron Diaz’s signature to sell her topless photos. If that’s wrong, who wants to be right?

Miller Brewing Company celebrates 150 years of making horse urine fit for human consumption.

According to Courtney Love, it’s Dave Grohl who’s been taking money
away from her daughter
all these years; and in other news, the words "drug habit" demand a
recount.

 

Stuck between a Rock and an Ugly place

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So this guy made a list of who he considers to be the 9 ugliest rock stars alive. Click here to check them out with commentary.  Here’s the list for those too lazy to check:Dolores

  1. Keith Richards
  2. Patti Smith
  3. Timbuk 3
  4. Ric Ocasek
  5. Noel & Liam Gallagher
  6. Thom Yorke
  7. Adam Duritz
  8. John Popper
  9. Dolores O’Riordan

Okay, now… is he KIDDING??? First of all, let’s think about who he’s missing here. Has he ever heard of Shane McGowan of the Pogues? How about Mick Mars of Motley Crue? You’re telling me the Gallagher brothers are uglier than Steve Perry? Come on!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the inclusion of Dolores O’Riordan. Come on now. She may not be Shania Twain, but she’s definitely better looking than Janis Joplin.

I’m sorry, I’m getting heated. Who else deserves to be on this list? And who shouldn’t have been included? Please, I need to know.

Afternoon Quick Hits: Van sex and train wrecks

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P. Diddy will host the 2005 VMA’s. His opening monologue is expected to be one part Chris Rock and two parts horrifying train wreck.

Brittany Murphy has signed on to star in ads for Jordache jeans. Finally, a role she can handle.

Jane Fonda is taking a cross-country bus tour to oppose the war in Iraq in a bus fueled by "vegetable oil." Um, seriously? Does that actually work? If so, I think we’re two seconds away from declaring war on Wesson.

Teri Hatcher likes to have sex in a van parked in her driveway. Man, that is one desperate housewife. Get it? Get it? Desperate housewife? Get it? Kill me.

More and more video game developers are creating titles for Christian gamers. Next up: Grand Theft Auto: Nazareth. Meanwhile, Jewish gamers are still stuck playing their old Sonic The Rabbi games.

Kevin Federline missed his son’s first birthday. But don’t be mad, he was really, really busy that day. He had to um… tan. And, um… watch TV. And uh… hey! Nachos are done!

A guy who claimed he had a summer romance with Jennifer Aniston in 1984 is auctioning off her old love letters, notes, pictures, and other memorabilia. It’s all part of his plan to discourage women everywhere from having premarital summer sex ever again.

Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Huey_lewis

Charlotte Church is the latest star to fall for Scientology. Edna Garrett always seemed so wise, too…

Brad and Angelina to wed in September. Plan to adopt all of Africa soon after.

Ricky Martin wants to end Arab stereotypes. Ironically, Arabs want to end Ricky Martin.

Many war veterans think the "Wedding Crashers" website isn’t funny. The world takes note. Next up: their opinion on farts.

All my Cyberpunk fiction fueled nightmares are coming true: it’s raining ads.

Huey Lewis is set to join the cast of "Chicago." And the news? They’re still unemployed.

The scientist who found a link between smoking and lung cancer died Sunday, at the age of 92. Investigators suspect foul play… or the fact that he was 92.

Maytag hesitant to let Whirlpool see its books. Critics deny money laundering may be involved. *zing!*

Bill Gates continues to strive for global dominance as Microsoft takes on the world with their own version of Earth. Think Google maps only more suckage. On a serious note though, while I’m still a google maps fan, you have to admit the click and drag compass feature is a pretty nice touch. *cough* Microsoft sucks *cough.* what?    what?

who’s having the best week ever?

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Well, there’s your hint. Maybe. I’m not sure. Actually, I’m a little confused.

I guess you’re going to have to tune in tonight at 11 and all weekend long to find out. Have a good one.