Quick Hits

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Scarlett Johansson  said that director Michael Bay has “a lot of enemies.”  The majority of Bay’s enemies are reportedly “people who like good movies.”


Lindsay Lohan stood up Regis & Kelly but managed to appear on TRL.  Lindsay will soon learn that hard way you don’t f*** with Regis Philbin.


Marilyn Manson’s new wife Dita Von Teese is into erotic asphyxiation.  Ohmygod, Marilyn, you’re like totally freaking out right now aren’t you ohmygod you’re like totally freaking out.


Eminem is planning to remarry ex-wife Kim.  He needed some inspiration to come up with new ways to murder her on his next CD.


Rapper Foxy Brown is almost totally deaf.  Which explains soooooo much.


Mel Gibson is planning TV miniseries on Holocaust survivors. Don’t worry, it won’t be titled Lethal Weapons 5.


Valerie Bertinelli and her rock star husband, Eddie Van Halen, are divorcing after 24 years of marriage. Eddie plans on immediatley replacing her with Sammy Hagar.

The Frigid 50

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So, in order to help stifle all of that blistering hot air, we present to you our annual FRIGID 50, a top 50 list of the coldest, least powerful people in Hollywood.

Click here to find out who makes the cut.

I have to disagree with the inclusion of Tom Cruise, though. Tom, frigid? Did you SEE how warm he was on Oprah. He was so warm he was practically flaming.

Don’t sue me Tom.

Finally, Some Closure

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Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has confessed to urinating on stage during a recent concert.

The sexy singer said she had to douse herself with champagne in front of hundreds of Australian fans to disguise the evidence. [Keep Reading]

So there you go. We no longer have to speculate. She did, in fact, wet herself. Now it’s time to move on to the next Fergie issue: the eyebrow ring. It’s almost 2006, not 1996, it’s time to let it go Fergie. Enough is enough. I can tolerate the weak bladder, but the eyebrow ring is just too much. So if you lose the ring and go back to singing about your humps and all will be forgiven. Deal?

Link from Hollywood Rag.

Drink The Holidays Away

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Forbes pulls a Letterman and gives us Ten Reasons to Drink During the Holidays. They’re all there… well, every one except "Because it makes me forget the pain of every day life." What, was that one too depressing for your Forbes? Merry x-mas indeed.

Of course, this whole thing brings us to a much larger question: Do we really need excuses? Hells no. Bring on the eggnog!

Tis The Season

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I thought people were supposed to couple up for the holidays… not break up.

Nick & Jess, dunzo. Britney & Kevin, fighting. Elisha Cuthbert & her ugly ex-fiance, on a break. Richie Sambora & Heather Locklear, could be having problems. Brad & Jennifer, still divorced. You get the point.

Applegate

Well, today it’s time to add another celebrity couple to that list: Christina Applegate & The Guy from That Thing You Do. Citing "irreconcilable differences," the couple filed for divorce on Monday after four years of marriage. In the process, they broke my into into a million pieces / like they always do.

So it’s going to be a lonely Christmas for yet another Hollywood star. And The Guy from That Thing You Do. Awh.

When Britney’s Away…

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Now that Nick & Jessica are dunzo, the media has decided to focus their attention on breaking up Britney and Kevin. It was reported the other day that Britney threw Kevin out of the house because his "weedman" (that’s Feder-lingo for "drug dealer") was hanging around the baby. Now, throwing Kevin out of the house as "punishment" is kinda like suspending a kid from school for cutting class. "Wait a minute… you mean I have to go out? And not come back?? Awesome!" Actually, he wouldn’t say awesome. He’d probably say "Phat!" You get the point.

Britney also decided to teach Kevin a lesson by returning his Ferrarri to the dealership. But you know what that means? Now Kevin never has to be the designated driver. Score another one for the Federline!

I hope Britney decides to let the whole thing slide and allows Kevin to come back home. Because once those two split up, the media is sure to start going after Christina Aguilera and her new hubby… and they haven’t even got back from their Honeymoon yet! So please Britney and Kevin– stay together… if not for yourselves, and if not for your baby… do it for X-Tina. She needs you.

Big in ’05 indeed

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Catch the Big in ’05 Awards? Don’t worry, if you missed it I’m sure VH1 will replay it another 4,322 times before 2006 begins.

Perez Hilton was at Mekhi Pheiffer’s after party, along with Paris Hilton, Stavros Niachros and… Jaleel White? Huh??  Let’s hope for a sex tape.

Check out all the Perez Hilton goodness here.
And imagine a Paris-Stavros-Urkel threesome ending with Jaleel standing up, pointing at Paris and asking, "Did I do thaaaat?" Carl Winslow would be so proud.

Paul Scheer’s Thanksgiving Experiment

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On Thanksgiving, I asked people to Submit The Most Ridiculous, Racist,
or Obscure Thing That a Member of Your Family said Said at the Dinner
Table.

The Responses were Overwhelming.

The worst one?

"And P.S. there was no such thing as slavery! The blacks came here for the free welfare!"
-Scary Old Relative as she’s leaving our house.

Wow. Read them all here
.