Tabloids + Tats = Trouble

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Some dude tattooed Maddox Jolie Pitt onto his right arm.  People, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – do not read "US Weekly" while under the influence of alcohol.  One minute you’re flipping pages and making catty remarks about people’s dresses, the next thing you know you’re pants are off, your house is on fire, someone has taken out a restraining order against you and you’ve got an adopted third-world child tattooed on your forearm.  I’ve seen it a million times. 

THIS DAY LAST YEAR

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These were the big stories on this day last year, dug up from a time capsule we buried underneath a fig tree in Brooklyn:

  • Angelina Jolie:
    The globe-trotting actress juggles tabloid tales, single parenting and relief work  Some things never change!
  • Hilary Swank:
    The actress gives props to Hector Roca, the boxing trainer who made her buff, which makes Mr. Miyagi jealous.
  • Update:
    Baby Spice no more, Emma Bunton grows up with a new album. Everybody remembers where we were when we heard this news.
  • Hot Spot:
    When Lindsay Lohan wants to party in New York City, she heads to Marquee. Now she prefers the ER.

I Want Your Sex (Soda)

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A soda that supposedly sexually arouses the person drinking it will soon be available in stores.

Doctors have already warned that the drink is not for everyone.
Children, pregnant women and people with high blood pressure and
diabetes should avoid the drink, according to the report.

The drink has already banned in Denmark and France. And in my refrigerator. Because the last thing I need is for another beverage to make me want to get some action. Isn’t that what beer is for anyway?

Check out the whole story here.

CORN FLAKES: Your Essential Inessentials

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  • A fake Paris Hilton caused a major buzz at NY’s Fashion Week.  Apparently you can now become a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity who became a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity.
  • John Mayer says his next album won’t have the "pop sweetness" of current radio hits.  Instead, its gonna be all the hard-rocking, totally shredding metal badassedness that has become synonomous with "John Mayer".
  • Flavor Flav has a crush on Paris Hilton.  Someone please tell him that their coupling is an existential impossibility that would inevitably result in the immediate annihilation of all space and time as we know it. 
  • Nick Lachey speaks out against criticism that his new single "What’s Left of Me" is a cynical attempt to cash in on his highly-publicized split from ex-wife Jessica Simpson.  Lachey insists that the song just "sounded classier" than his other idea, "I f#cked Jessica Simpson and All I Got Was This Stupid Former Miss Kentucky".
  • King Kong star Jack Black claims to have grown up in a sex cult, which is pretty gross but explains a lot.
  • Brittany Murphy claims she didn’t kiss her fiance until after they went on 17 dates. Upon hearing the news, movie studios immediately greenlight new crappy Brittany Murphy movie titled "17 Dates."
  • Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley NUDE!!! That should help out our google referrals.
  • B.B. King will give you a signed guitar if you find his lost dog. He’ll also give you a signed guitar if you buy him a hot dog.
  • Gwenyth Paltrow wants Apple (the daughter, not the fruit) to have an American accent because she hates the way Brits pronounce "basil" and and "pasta." We, meanwhile, hate the way she pronounces Anthony.
  • Busta Rhymes may be questioned in relation to the shooting of his bodyguard. But don’t worry, he’s got us all in check.
  • Ashlee Simpson insists that her father is not a control freak. She then looks over her shoulder and mouths "Help me… please… he’s watching us."

Paradise Found

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A lost world has been discovered in the Indonesian mountain jungles, CNN reported today. Bustling with undiscovered plantlife and tropical birds, one scientist reports "It’s as close to the Garden of Eden as you’re going to find on Earth."

Call 1800-Perillo-Tours to book your family vacation today!