Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Singer k.d. lang files suit against her former manager, alleging fraud
and theft of millions of dollars, and capital letters from her name.

Martha Stewart
claims she "cannot be destroyed", goes on to add "Luke, I am your father".

Lead singer of the Darkness buys copy of his own album, later demands refund.

Ozzy
to perform for Queen Elizabeth.  Grand finale expected to include biting off Prince Charles’ head and riding his Horse.

Kobe Bryant to be a dad again, claims sex was consensual.

Lindsey Lohan
about to elope with Jared Leto. Because Paris Hilton ran
off with an Olsen twin ex-boyfriend? No, really. May also hit head,
catch amnesia, solve murder, and be replaced by someone else next season.

New mayor elected in Hillsdale, MI. First items on platform include
‘losing virginity’, ‘finding a prom date’ and ‘moving out of mom’s
house’.

Paris Bangs

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TMZ.com captured video of Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos involved in an accident outside L.A. hotspot Element early Wednesday morning around 2:30 a.m. Also in the car were Kimberly Stewart, Rod Stewart’s daughter, and Talan Torriero, star of MTV’s “Laguna Beach.”

Watch the video here. (From Celebrities.com)

I’m no drivers ed instructor, and I’m not sure how people drive in Greece, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a good idea to attempt to drive while covering your head with a jacket. Especially after a couple of drinks. Come on Talan, you went to Laguna… you should’ve known better than to get in the car with that dude.

Defamer Link

Perez Hilton Link

Christian Finnegan Interview

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"Comedian Christian Finnegan won’t reveal his age, but his humor displays a boyish willingness to go wherever the laughs take him, whether that means kissing a chimp for a photo op or turning childhood bullies, vacation fights, or buying a vibrator into onstage material. Even though he’s a fixture on the alternative comedy circuit in New York and performs at clubs across the country, the stocky, Boston-bred Finnegan is best known for his television roles as "Chad" on Chappelle’s Show and his recurring gig as a pop culture commentator on VH1′s Best Week Ever. Finnegan proves that his comedic talent isn’t lost in translation as he emails Gothamist about hecklers, crowd work, and embracing his inner "jock asshole."

Gothamist’s very own Rachel Kramer Bussel interviews Best Week Ever‘s Christian Finnegan. Check it out![Gothamist interview]

–FOR PANELISTS–

Download ang_lee_gets_cut_off.mp4

Download crest_white_strips_award.mp4

Download in_the_west_skeet.mp4

Download old_lady_mosh_pit.mp4

Download george_lopez.mp4

The Baby Review

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"once watched Madison’s father stumble out of a dive bar with a leathery
old whore so he could sodomize her in the back seat of his Jetta. Back
then, I thought I was witnessing the final, sordid aria of my friend’s
operatic downward spiral, but what I could never have predicted was
that his true denouement would be less Icarus, more common animal dying
in the woods."

Your source for informed, insightful evaluations of recently disgorged humanity.[the baby review]

It’s that time again folks: Paris loses her digital camera

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"Paris doesn’t shed tears over people. They’re like spilled milk, ya know? But losing one’s
video camera at a club, now this
is call for waterworks! But yo! Earth to Planet Paris–what the hell
are ya doing trotting around a damn recording device at a club?

She enlisted the help of fellow revelers to find her device, to no
avail. "She was very anxious and crying for some time," said a
tear-witness."

Uh Oh! Isn’t it about time for Paris’s album to break out? It appears that  Ms.Hilton can’t hold on to anything (ever) …first she lost her very 1st sex tape…followed by her sidekick…her friends…then her dog…and now it’s her digital camera that will surely be found with more scandalous footage. Hmm. Will it feature one of her Greek boys?  Time will only tell…and I’m sure this wasn’t planned at all. Not. At. All. Well, at least she will always have her Paris…wait…scratch that.[E! story]