DENIAL: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE STATEMENT REGARDING TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES AND LIFE & STYLE MAGAZINE Los Angeles, CA (February 14, 2006) – In reference to a forthcoming cover story in the tabloid magazine Life & Style about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, it should be known that the story is 100% false. Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child. Despite the malicious fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family.
BROKEN HEART (TIE): Hunter Shot by Cheney has Minor Heart Attack (CNN) & Tomkat is Over!?!? (BWE)
REASON TO GET WASTED TONIGHT: Bode Miller Disqualified (Chicago Tribune)
PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS READY FOR DEMOCRACY: Chinese Democracy to drop March 6? (Product Shop NYC)
WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN LAME VALENTINE’S DAY: Check out these poor souls (PostSecret)
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We’ve got a new clip of Dave Chappelle on Inside the Actor’s Studio. He dances with James Lipton and does a lot of other stuff too!
You spent the day working, we spent the day working for you! So here’s our summary of everything that happened today in the world of pop culture:
- Alex is worried what the breakup of TomKat will do for the universe.
- Bob gave you all the highlights from the international competition everyone’s talking about: the Westminster Dog Show. And other stuff, too.
- Can you tell what happened on the Bachelor at MySpace? Piper says yes!
- Photographers don’t take pictures of everything, but they’ll tell you about anything.
- "V" is for Vajayjay.
- Isaac Mizrahi has designed the costumes for a revival of Barefoot in the Park. Especially the panties.
- An episode of Two and a Half Men with Charlie Sheen faking epilepsy has epileptics angry. They wanted Ducky to be the one with epilepsy.
- March 21 has been set as the release date for LL Cool J’s album, "Todd Smith." Ladies love cool Todd.
- Leo DiCaprio to play Teddy Roosevelt? It’s no bull(moose).
It’s no surprise that Tom and Katie didn’t last. But what may throw you for a loop is who ended it. While Tom kept is baby-mama in a comatose state of obedience, judging from last month’s series of events I think it was Katie who put an end to this much-maligned relationship.
Lets take a look at what might have happened:
For more disturbing, sick, but still really funny cards, go to i-mockery. I wonder which one Tom is sending Katie today? I’m guessing it’s this one.
First, New York magazine told everyone in the world what these wonderful "blogs" are. Pretty good. Then the Vice President of the United States shot someone in the face (but didn’t tell anyone, then said it was a flesh wound, then said the guy had a heart attack). Writes itself. And now TomKat is a thing of the past? Pure gold.
Now, I know I’m biased, but I think bloggers might just be having the Best Week Ever!
(Click on pics for EXCLUSIVE blown-up screen grabs of the full story.)
Holy Couch-Jumping Heterosexual Thetans, Batman!!!
Life & Style Weekly is running a cover story on the demise of the (literally) star-crossed relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes! The ramifications of this news are unthinkable – our very existence might be hanging by only a few fragile threads of sensational tabloid fodder!
Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tomâ€™s saying: â€œTheir relationship is basically over.â€ Another friend adds: â€œThey both agreed that the marriage wouldnâ€™t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.â€
The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their babyâ€™s birth this spring.
Could it really be true? And if so, why in the name of Xenu do we have to find out about this on VALENTINE’S DAY???
UPDATE: We’ve got footage of Oprah telling Tom she’s mad that he lied.
Well, the Swimsuit Issue is up on SI’s website, and after looking at it for several hours, I realize there is something wrong here. No body paint pictures? No, they’re there. Topless group pictures of all-star models? They’re there too. Kid Rock video? Of course it’s there as well. What’s wrong is the Maria Sharapova gallery. She looks great, of course, but what makes her so attractive to people is not only that she’s pretty but that she can play tennis better than just about anyone. It’s her skill that sets her apart.
I think it’s nice to celebrate the beauty of athletes, but if you take them off the court and put them in bathing suits like the rest of the models, they just look like regular people (well, really attractive people). Of course, I could be wrong, so I better go do some more research.