What if this happens:
A couple meets on The Bachelor. They have their wedding on Wedding Story. They have a child on Baby Story. Then they do an episode of Wife Swap. That causes problems in their marriage, so they see Dr. Phil. They can’t work it out, so they go Divorce Court. The husband doesn’t like the settlement, so he kidnaps the kid and is on America’s Most Wanted. He’s caught and his trial is on Court TV. He mysteriously dies in prison, and his case is featured on Autopsy. Finally, the couple’s life is made into a Lifetime movie.
Did I miss anything?
Ah, the click of the mouse, the neurotic checking of the standings, the sweet, sweet pleasure of bragging obnoxiously to your co-workers. That’s right, folks – it’s Fantasy Baseball time again. But take a break from crafting your sure-fire killer team and join us in pontificating a much greater, much more important question: who would you pick as your starting line-up if you could only choose characters from classic Nintendo games?
I’ll post my line-up after the jump – put yours in the comments!
God, I miss the pre-Brad-and-pre-adopting-half-of-Africa Angelina Jolie. Check this out:
I want to start out by saying I’m Bi-sexual but this happened in a
straight bar. I was in the ladies room of an L.A.bar when two girls
came in and were fooling around in the next stall. Then there was
shouting and one of them left. The other girl was crying at the sink
when I came out. She was VERY intoxicated. She was also one of the most
beautiful, exotic women I had ever seen before or since.
The story gets very Penthouse Forum from there. Not that I’ve ever read Penthouse Forum… I’m just assuming. Read the rest of the not quite safe for work Angelina Jolie story here. The woman sharing the story withheld her name and her location, so there’s really no way of ever finding out if this is true or not… but you know what? In my mind- it is. And that’s all that matters.
Link via Gawker.
By now you’re well aware that Isaac Hayes has left South Park (we’ve mentioned it a couple of times.) In the words of Eric Cartman, Hayes got sand in his vagina over a November episode of the show that poked fun at Scientology.
What was so bad about the episode that poked fun at Tom Cruise, John Travolta, R. Kelly, and L. Ron Hubbard himself? Well, see for yourself:
You can download some clips here. Or, if you really have time to kill, watch the whole damn episode here.
So what do you think? Is Chef over-reacting, or is this episode really the worse thing to happen to South Park since Mecha-Streisand? Your call.
When Office Space came out in the mid 90’s it was way ahead of its time. Humour about the mundane was trumped by Quentin Tarantino-esque pop-violence. Well imagine how successful the sleeper hit would have been if they packaged it as a crime thriller. Ron Livingston would probably be headlining a 16 Blocks by now. (via daily sixer)
QUOTE: "Years ago I asked my dad for a boob job and he said it would cheapen my image, and he’s right." –Paris Hilton (Egotastic)
KISS OFF: Isaac Hayes tells Matt & Trey to suck on his chocolate salty balls– Chef quits South Park. (Yahoo)
ANNOYING TIMEWASTER: Hum along to just about every TV theme song from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s… just try to stop yourself. (Retrojunk)
‘FULL HOUSE: THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY’ MATERIAL: Dave Coulier goes wild. (Cityrag)
CATCH PHRASE: Gotsar a malenka. (or whatever the hell it is Uncle Junior is saying in this clip.
BARGAIN: Michael Keaton is willing to work for $100/day. And who said Jack Frost killed his career? (CNN)
TIVO ALERT: Howard Stern on Letterman tonight. Sorry Les (don’t fire me.) (CBS)
If you’re as big a fan of Tyra Banks as we are then being a guest on her life-changing show would probably be a life-changing dream come true. We visited the life-changing Tyra website to see what kinds of shows they’ve got coming up and to our surprise, the producers are planning a show about Tyra! They’re looking for guests that feel passionately about the talk show host:
Are you Tyraâ€™s number one fan? Do you dream of one day meeting Tyra face-to-face? Have you been inspired to accomplish a dream or overcome great odds because of something that Tyra said or did? Have you done something wild, or even embarrassing, hoping to get the chance to see or meet Tyra? Do your friends and family love to tell funny stories about how much you admire Tyra?
While the Best Week Ever family loves to tell funny stories about Tyra, she already knows how we feel about her. This is your chance to give back; you owe her that much. Be a guest on the show!
You’ve probably never heard of Haldis Gundersen, but once you hear her story, you might want to get to know her so she’ll invite you to her house:
By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the [Big Tower Bar] in Kristiandsund, western Norway…accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen’s apartment. "We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."
The beer was flat, but I still think that deserves a full-throated "Dude!" and Gundersen has to be considered a candidate for Best Week Ever status.