Friday Morning Quick Hits

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Elizabeth_banks5

Steve Carell relieved to finally break out of his "idiot newscaster" typecast. Oh yeah? Well…

                                …  I love lamp?

Microsoft sees three "critical" security flaws, which most fourteen year-old hackers knew about months ago.

College students get their own ‘Deliverance’ experience on float trip.  The banjo music should have warned them.

Jennifer Lopez blames media for lame roles in movies; complete lack of talent apparently not good enough reason.

Kids
get to keep $98K they found in field. Parents ruin the happiest moment
of their kids lives by saying it is to be used for college.

Keira Knightley lists a few things she looks for in a man. Gentlemen, the way to Keira’s heart is having "good shoes", you don’t even have to be good looking.  This announcement was sponsored by Nike. Just do it.

French psychic leaves crystal ball in window. Sunlight hits crystal
ball, starts fire, burns down apartment. How did he not see that coming?

 

Best of Friday Linkage!

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Video_thumbs_scotch


Scotch and Soda
"Eugene Mirman’s hilarious short film, in which a bitter, dried-up
druggie lays down some simple truths to the next generation over a
couple of fine beverages."
You can find more of Eugene’s videos here.(link thanks to Screenhead)

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Leslie and the Lys: "Beat Dazzler" - 
"The Gem Sweater girls are back in a new video
you’ll only find on AtomFilms. They’re out of the studio and stirring
things up in suburban America in a new video that absolutely defies any
kind of rational explanation. You can’t beat the Beat Dazzler!"


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Kennedy: "Who’s Lovin’ Your Mama?" - "You’ll forget all about Stacy and her mom once you
hear this ultimate hot mom song. Need we say more? How about the
catchiest refrain ever: "Nobody loves you, like your mama loves you but
who’s lovin’ your mama? I am."


Snape


Snape too sexy for Milan? - This one is for the Harry Potter fans.


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Living With Ridalyn - "Ridalyn is a 12-year-old kid on a constant sugar
high. Join him and his best friend on a frantic summer’s day — playing
chicken in a busy street, dominating video games, confronting a bully,
and suffering massive slurpee brain-freezes at "Sevee Levee." Say it
with us now: "Sweeeeeeet!""
[link]


Batman15



A Critical Analysis of the Super Friends
– "The Super Friends somehow stayed alive for 10 years by hiring people
who could talk to fish, match a cape to their underwear, and turn into
a bucket of water. They fought everyone from supervillains to dolls
from space to insane altruists who decided that making giant
unstoppable mutant fish and running the Earth into a comet was the best
way to solve our "food shortage.""
(link thanks to GM)

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Robertevans

Oliver Stone says the pot belonged to a Cuban hired by the CIA.

Da Vinci Code
movie to omit references to religion. Will end up being "a great car chase movie."

Study shows 1 in 25 of fathers are not the biological parent of "his" child. Insert red-headed stepchild joke here.

Hollywood just now beginning to acknowledge 9/11. Apparently it takes four years for news to travel 3,000 miles.

Robert Evans forgotten Hollywood Rule #1: Always marry someone younger than half your age.

Physics teacher uses extraordinary tactics to open his students’ minds. Refreshingly, sex isn’t one of them.

Heidi Klum to host German version of Next Top Model. "Your currywursts are nice, but you need to shake your schnitzel more".

3 crooks nabbed while sleeping in car at intersection. Found with guns
on their laps, drugs and cash in the car. Complain their mothers never
told them to get a good night’s sleep.

A stripper’s apology to Matty..err… Matt LeBlanc

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So perhaps you read Matt LeBlanc‘s apology to his wife and daughter concerning his recent visit to a strip club but have you read the stripper’s apologetic letter to Matt? Didn’t think so…

Charliesangels062703

Dear Matty,

I just wanted to send you a formal apology for making that horrible assumption that a man in a strip club wanted to see my naked body. My bad.  I’m so-so-SO-sorry I continued doing my job when you arrived on the scene and made matters worse by rubbing my girly parts all over your body.

I mean, you’re absolutely right. I was WAY OUT LINE. Taking advantage of a client who is paying good money to look at my superior dancing skills and stripping techniques shouldn’t feel like a victim. You know, unless they wanted to feel like a victim…because I can do that too…for a small fee of course. *tee hee* But I’m getting off topic. I just wanted to apologize and thank you for being such a good sport about the whole thing. I mean, you didn’t even want to be at the club, yet you didn’t want to hurt my feelings so you continued to make me feel special by stuffing 100 dollar bills into my g-string. Wow. Just wow.  Your wife is a lucky woman. Once again, I am sincerely sorry for putting you in such an awkward position. My bad.

Anyyyyywhoooo, no hard feelings and if you do ever decide to come back to the VIP room, I promise to make it up to you with a free lap dance and happy ending, for both you and your wife.

xoxox

Kitty

Ricky Gervais Writes “Simpsons” Episode

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Rickgersimpson

These are the first glimpses of
how Gervais will look in the forthcoming episode of The Simpsons
entitled ‘Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife’, written by Ricky himself.

This might actually be a reason to start watching The Simpsons again…[link]