Will Smith: The Intimidator

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BWE’s Paul Scheer is intimidated by Will Smith. I mean, can you blame him? The guy fights aliens and then makes a pop hit about it (Will does, not Paul.) That’s impressive.

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Will Smith intimidates me with his ultra rich lifestyle. We got get him back to singing songs like "Nightmare on My Street" and "Parents Just Don’t Understand." Songs we can all relate too. Right now I imagine his songs only appeal to Millionaires.

Don’t believe me let’s examine some of his lyrics, shall we? [click here to keep reading]

Friday Morning Quick Hits

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Geraldo Rivera continues to breed; wife’s vault isn’t empty.

Two Michael Jackson jurors now say he’s guilty. On a completely unrelated note, they both have book deals. What are the odds?

Metallica To Open for the Rolling Stones. Finally, fathers and sons can enjoy a concert together. Well, they’ll each enjoy half of it.

Hillary Clinton Presses Bush on Sex Offender Bill.  And yes, that’s the actual headline.

Reese Witherspoon, star of "Legally Blonde", wants to "throw daggers" over Jessica Simpson cashing in on stupidity. Jessica responds by saying, "At least I’m not the one who married Ryan Phillippe."

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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03tlc

Surviving members of TLC don’t want any "hoes" in their group. No word on scythes, rakes or wheelbarrows.

Serial rape, torture & killing of young girls just not festive enough for the festival. Montreal World Film Festival bans "Karla", a movie based on schoolgirl killers Homolka and Bernardo.

Japan invents high-tech vibrating movie theater seats. Bad: Seats debut at exceedingly unerotic "Return of the Sith".

Christopher Walken feels zombie movies need more Walken. The Zombies called and they totally agree.

Now, you can leave mom’s basement and win a walk-on part on Stargate SG-1.

George Lucas thinks your games should be better.  What a coincidence, fans think his writing should be better.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Tyson

Music video for the new "Rent" movie.  Just like the trailer, all gay content  removed.

Jessica Simpson states: "That’s my butt. I worked hard for it. I was sore for it every day." Echoes sentiments of every male in 18-35 age group stating their right hand is just as sore.

John Mayer finally admits he doesn’t know how to write songs, asks his fans to do it for him.

Lindsay Lohan: "I’m working out with a trainer and eating healthily. I want my boobs back." Everyone else: We want your boobs back too.

Chappelle’s Show is "Done" says Charlie Murphy. Millions of unoriginal fratboys ponder where they’ll go to steal jokes from next.

"If things go well, I’m gonna show her my K’O’ face." Is Mike Tyson to star in a porn film opposite Jenna Jameson? Experts predict he’ll take a pounding.

A new blog is created every second. That means since you read that sentence, three lonely midwestern teenagers wrote about the craaaaaaazy things that happened to them at school today.

Secret diary of Paula Hitler(Adolf’s sister) reveals wacky dysfunctional family life of future crazed genocidist. Soon to be a sitcom starring Ray Romano.

Paperboy.

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aPaperboyban

Yes. It’s the latest from Mega64. From the folks who brought Tetris,  River City Ransom,  Hitman,  Metal Gear and other video game classics to life comes their version of  Paperboy. I’m just going to go ahead and inform you all that I have hooked up the old NES in tribute after being reminded of one of the finest NES games around. Make this your must-watch-video of the day. [direct download]

To find more of their videos, check out  their website.

Best of Thursday Links

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Peekaboom


Peekaboom! – This game will destroy your whole day and maybe even your night. I wish I were joking but I’ve been playing this game for almost 10 hours and I have developed a love/hate relationship with it. Sure I’ve taken a few breaks but every time I come back to this computer I’m hooked. Friends don’t let friends play Peekaboom, so I suppose it’s a good thing we aren’t friends. [play now]

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Nike Shox – Instruments - A trio of joggers make sweet music.


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Unique Thai FoodsMaybe this site can interest you in some Roasted Big Crickets or Roasted edible Scorpions.

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Daily Show on Scientology"John Stewart and Steven Colbert tackle Scientology in a screamingly funny segment." (thnx to boing boing)


And now for the "Way Back Playback" link of the day:

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Prank Call Time: He’s Kidding! - Yes it’s the legendary Savage prank call. Every time I hear this, I crack up. Yes, It’s about 5 years old and I still laugh hysterically. I figure it’s a nice addition to everyone’s Thursday morning.

Rap Lyrics Translations

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Lyrics:


First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys

Dummies – playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money

Those the ones I like ‘cause they don’t get nathan’

But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation

Garbage, I turn like doorknobs

Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever

However, I stay coochied down to the socks

Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all
kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude
magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual
encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in
the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more,
unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am
extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual
acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to
my fancy and expensive jewelry.

I’m learning so much. I urge you all to educate yourself. This was part of a paper turned in by a student who translated Ebonics to English. See the link for more lyric translations. No diggity, no doubt.[link]

Link thanks to:
Cynical Smirk