Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber sells at auction for $200k George Lucas reportedly wonders why he even bothered with
"that prequel crap."

After
receiving critical acclaim for remake gems such as The Stepford Wives
and Bewitched, Nicole Kidman signs on to tackle a remake of Invasion of
the Body Snatchers.

By the power of gayskull, errr grayskull, the first 33 episodes of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe are coming to DVD on Oct  18th.

  Proving
once and for all that if you lose the carbs, you can lose it all,
Atkins
shows up in court eager to show off its new, slimmer self.

Unauthorized translation of Harry Potter hits stores in China for 10
times less
than what the official book sells for. Unknown if book is by
the same person who wrote "Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-To-Dragon"
in 2002.

Jennifer Aniston sends ex-boyfriends plans to sell toilet paper love note down the crapper.

 

The Real Laguna Beach

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From left to right: some girl, some girl, LC, Lo

If you’re a fan of the hit MTV show Laguna Beach like I am, then today’s your lucky day. Behold, Lo’s webshots photo albums.

With pictures with titles like "Oh wow drunk" and "wow were so hot," and an album titled, "me and my biatch" this is required viewing for all you LB fans out there. And LC fans too.

Check out sexybiatch101′s photo albums here. This post is Dunzo.

i like girls that wear abercrombie and fitch

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Abercrombie and Fitch has taken a turn towards the HILARIOUS! Step aside Urban Outfitters, now you have some competition in the "ridiculous novelty t-shirt" department.

These shirts are listed on the a&f website as "celebrity" tees, and boy, are they clever. Let’s start with the "Orlando makes me sweat" tee. Now, upon first glance you’d think "Oh, of course Orlando makes you sweat, it’s a city in Florida and it gets awfully humid down there." Right? WRONG! This is a play on words baby! If you’re wearing this shirt, what you’re really saying is Orlando BLOOM makes me sweat because he’s so damn hot! Yow! Or, if you’re a guy wearing this shirt, you’re saying Orlando Bloom makes me sweat because I’m pretty sure he’s into dudes and I’m afraid he might do something to me while I’m sleeping. But either way, it works.

Now, the "What is Scientology? No seriously" tee lets people know two things: 1) you’re sick of hearing about Tom and Katie, and 2) you’re really not a smart person. Perfect! Put me down for 5 of them!

Check out the rest of abercrombie’s celebrity tees here… and long for the days when their website was full of naked teenagers hanging from tire swings.

Burger King loves the Coq

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Sexual double entendres were removed overnight from Burger King’s new
website, CoqRoq.com, but the company claims it has received no
complaints from consumers or other outside groups, AdAge reports. The
deleted content included captions, under photos of young girls, that
read: "Groupies love the Coq" and "groupies love Coq."

Burger King just loves the coq.  What? too suggestive? they did it first! Don’t shoot the messenger.[link]

Afternoon Quick Hits

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Michael Bay says The Island flopped because Ewan McGregor isn’t a "big"
enough star.
McGregor responded in his beautiful singing voice with  "Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies…I guess Pearl Harbor sucked…just a little bit more than I missed you….."

Blondie and Dagwood to celebrate 75th anniversary by invading other comic strips, sure only to make them unfunny as well.

"The
other night I took an eighty-year-old taxidermied monkey, set it on
fire in the pool and filmed it from beneath with an underwater
camera…It was beautiful, like the Titanic, the Hindenburg and King
Kong all mixed into one." Marylin Manson continues to pretend he’s really creepy.

African official offers Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea’s
hand in marriage. Bill says he needs to up the offer by at least 30
chickens.

Billy Corgan storms off the stage like a little girl. The Smashing Pumpkins need to reunite even if it’s just to restore Corgan’s dignity.

Samuel L. Jackson hopes to cure Christina Ricci of nymphomania in her latest film role. He’ll be the first guy since Adams Family 2 who’s NOT trying to sleep with her.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Paris Hilton is complaining
that her finger hurts
because her 24-carat engagement ring is just too big. Oh yeah? Well, now your back’s gonna hurt, ’cause you just pulled Paris² mansion landscaping duty you ungrateful whinny fembot. Anybody else’s fingers hurt? I didn’t think so.(much love to Stiller)

Blind Teen uses the force to win at Mortal Kombat. Jedi Knights and ninjas surrender. Not impressed? Maybe this list of the 50 best portable games of all time will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Burt Reynolds
expresses how much he would love to place fluids on Jessica Simpson’s rear-end. Can…can I even say that? Please don’t fire me.

Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell…Christopher Walken enjoys tricking makeup artists for free cake
by pretending it’s his birthday and he’s all alone. "By lunchtime, a
cake is wheeled out with bottles of champagne, and we all have a lot of
fun".

Ask Alicia Keys anything and have your questions and her answers appear in the next issue of Blender magazine. I’m hoping my desert island question involving midgets or robots gets answered but chances are it will be a little bit too far off topic to make the cut. Pity. I have a feeling Keys is a fan of the midgets. I guess I’ll never know.

Osama tried to poison the US coke supply. Pepsi is unavailable for comment.Oh. Oh. You meant ‘coke’ the drug not the drink. Got it. I’m so not hip.

Owen Wilson likes to experiment. With women. Lots of women. This isn’t for science folks. This one is just for Owen’s private studies.

Kelly Osbourne just wants that ex-boyfriend of hers to Shut Up and if that approach fails to work there is always hope for another album to help express her anger or if that fails you could always bite off a bat’s head. That will show him.