Afternoon Quick Hits

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Moulinrouge

Michael Bay says The Island flopped because Ewan McGregor isn’t a "big"
enough star.
McGregor responded in his beautiful singing voice with  "Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies…I guess Pearl Harbor sucked…just a little bit more than I missed you….."

Blondie and Dagwood to celebrate 75th anniversary by invading other comic strips, sure only to make them unfunny as well.

"The
other night I took an eighty-year-old taxidermied monkey, set it on
fire in the pool and filmed it from beneath with an underwater
camera…It was beautiful, like the Titanic, the Hindenburg and King
Kong all mixed into one." Marylin Manson continues to pretend he’s really creepy.

African official offers Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea’s
hand in marriage. Bill says he needs to up the offer by at least 30
chickens.

Billy Corgan storms off the stage like a little girl. The Smashing Pumpkins need to reunite even if it’s just to restore Corgan’s dignity.

Samuel L. Jackson hopes to cure Christina Ricci of nymphomania in her latest film role. He’ll be the first guy since Adams Family 2 who’s NOT trying to sleep with her.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Scoop_paris_vmed_10awidec

Paris Hilton is complaining
that her finger hurts
because her 24-carat engagement ring is just too big. Oh yeah? Well, now your back’s gonna hurt, ’cause you just pulled Paris² mansion landscaping duty you ungrateful whinny fembot. Anybody else’s fingers hurt? I didn’t think so.(much love to Stiller)

Blind Teen uses the force to win at Mortal Kombat. Jedi Knights and ninjas surrender. Not impressed? Maybe this list of the 50 best portable games of all time will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Burt Reynolds
expresses how much he would love to place fluids on Jessica Simpson’s rear-end. Can…can I even say that? Please don’t fire me.

Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell…Christopher Walken enjoys tricking makeup artists for free cake
by pretending it’s his birthday and he’s all alone. "By lunchtime, a
cake is wheeled out with bottles of champagne, and we all have a lot of
fun".

Ask Alicia Keys anything and have your questions and her answers appear in the next issue of Blender magazine. I’m hoping my desert island question involving midgets or robots gets answered but chances are it will be a little bit too far off topic to make the cut. Pity. I have a feeling Keys is a fan of the midgets. I guess I’ll never know.

Osama tried to poison the US coke supply. Pepsi is unavailable for comment.Oh. Oh. You meant ‘coke’ the drug not the drink. Got it. I’m so not hip.

Owen Wilson likes to experiment. With women. Lots of women. This isn’t for science folks. This one is just for Owen’s private studies.

Kelly Osbourne just wants that ex-boyfriend of hers to Shut Up and if that approach fails to work there is always hope for another album to help express her anger or if that fails you could always bite off a bat’s head. That will show him.

Best Of Thursday Morning Linkage

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Peterbio


Family Guy Clip: Peter on Ecstacy. Everything here is fantastic, folks.


Tntetris4

This man would destroy you at Tetris. There is no way you are better than him. I’m willing to bet he’s never seen the light of day or touched a woman but he will destroy you at Tetris and really if you think about it… that’s quite an achievement and probably than risking getting cancer or aids anyway.


Supersizewhiskey


Supersize me with Whiskey. – We here at Best Week Ever do not condone drinking Whiskey in a super-sizing manner. In fact, we don’t advise you drink whiskey at all… but we do think you should  watch this spoof by the Whitest Kids on Morgan Spurlock’s award winning "Supersize Me" documentary.


Smallads


Greatest Collection of Want Ads Ever – A few great entries here worth glancing at. (thnx Transbuddah)


Rockyhorrorbunnies


The Rocky Horror Picture Show in
30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies
 
- Another flash moment brought to you by Angry Alien.


Daisy_duke_jessica_simpson


Boss Hogg BlogsHe was southern born to dirty sharecroppers and raised up poor as a skinny pup sucking on a old dry tit.  This is his website. Lets just say he is not exactly Jessica Simpson’s biggest fan. Scroll down the blog for more hilarious entries.

Celebrity Haiku: Johnny Depp Edition

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Johnny_depp_edward_scissorhands

Robot Johnny  (a talented freelance illustrator) provides us with another installment of Celebrity Haikus.

Edward Scissorhands
As cool as they are
those things must be a nuisance
when masturbating

Gilbert Grape
The real answer to
“What’s eating Gilbert Grape?” is:
“His giant mother”

Those of you who were unfortunate enough to miss out on the Harrison
Ford edition
should catch up now. Maybe he takes requests. Just
please no TomKat haiku requests…that’s all I ask. With that said, ask
away.[link]

Date Him Natalie!

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Datemenat 

Date Me Natalie is a site run by a man who wants nothing more in life but a single date with Sen. Padmé Amidala. Why post it? Because you’ll probably get a chance to see him weep in front of Ms. Portman one day soon as he is making the interview rounds as of late.

"I’m asking for one date with Natalie Portman. I’m not asking to marry
her. I’m not asking for a week’s vacation with her. I’m not asking to
exchange love letters with her. I want one conversation with her, in
person. I’ve decided to ask for this through a website presenting my
argument about why I feel this is worth Natalie’s time."

Natalie. Use your stunt double again. I wont tell. The empire and your secret will be safe with me. I pinky swear. If not for his happiness do it for our entertainment.[link]

Moustache Rides– This October!

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Moustache_1

The next World Beard and Moustache Championships will take place in Berlin, the capital of Germany, on October 1, 2005. [learn more here...]

I’m posting this today to do all you guys… and hairy girls… a favor. It’s time to buckle down and start growing that facial hair so you can compete with Karl-Heinz Hille, the 2003 champion that’s looking to defend his title.

I’m warning you, this guy is good. So start training, and maybe, MAYBE, you’ll take the home the coveted title. It would be the biggest upset since Daniel Larusso beat Johnny Lawrence in the All-Valley karate tournament. Best of luck.

Sweep the leg, Johnny! Yeeeeaahhhhhhh!

Wednesday Morning Quick Hits

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Jennifer_garner

Sienna Miller finally dumps Jude Law, conveniently forgetting that he cheated on his former wife with her.

Oscar voters get an extra week to deliberate. This is not expected to help the Fantastic Four‘s chances at all.

Kate Moss has been spotted with Johnny Knoxville. I guess when your last boyfriend was a heroin-addicted rock star the guy from Jackass actually looks kind of stable.

Jessica Alba was a frail, asthmatic, obsessive compulsive child with throat cysts. I’d still hit it.

Tom & Katie are about to get some company. Nicole Kidman is moving to Beverly Hills to be near her ex-husband. And to give Katie career— I mean, marriage— advice.

Doonesbury does something and some people get upset. I think. I have no clue. Doonesbury is so boring I can’t even read something about Doonesbury.

Liz Phair announces the release date of her upcoming album/disaster. It drops on October 4, and it’s called "Somebody’s Miracle." And it will be a miracle if anybody buys it.

Sydney Bristow: Pregnant. Jennifer Garner to be a pregnant spy on Alias. Because even Marshall couldn’t figure out a way to cover this one up.

Look Who’s Cumming

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Cumming

This commercial for Alan Cumming’s new fragrance is the funniest thing he’s ever done… and that’s including Spice World. This commercial is absolutely amazing.

My only complaint with the site is, when you click on the areas that haven’t been built yet, it says "Coming soon" instead of "Cumming soon." Come on, Alan. Once you start Cumming, don’t stop Cumming. That’s just rude.

[Watch Commercial Here]