The Seed of Gallo

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Director Vincent Gallo is selling his sperm on his website. Just like Steven Spielberg does!

Hoping to offend as many people at one time as possible, here are a couple of lines from the description.

  • There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases.
  • Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.
  • Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.
  • If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.)

Unfortunately for Vincent, I don’t think anybody’s seen The Brown Bunny.

So come on people, who’s going to step up and buy Vinnie’s sperm for $1 million? Any takers? (no pun intended)

It’s A Bad Day For The Mastersons

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Today FOX cancelled Malcolm In The Middle and That 70′s Show. Tomorrow, FOX plans on sending a big bucket of crap to the guy standing in between Danny & Chris Masterson in that picture.

On the cancellations, FOX’s programming chief said, "We don’t want to see these shows crawl to their endings." Um, sorry, but have you seen That 70′s Show this season? Yeah, neither have we. Exactly.

So now that Chris (the one from Malcolm) and Danny (the one from 70′s) are out of work, I think we all know what’s next. One word: Celebreality.

Nice Globes!

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You were probably too busy watching Jack Bauer… I mean Frank… kicking major ass on 24 last night to realize that the Golden Globes were on… and they were boooorrriiiinnngggg. Lucky for you, today we’re providing you with a one-stop-shop for all your Globe-related needs. Starting with this picture of Scarlett Johansson. Just because.

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That’s a start. Check out Hollywood Rag for a ton of pics.

I Watch Stuff liveblogged the Globes. Thrifty Boutique Gossip also has pics and a recap. D-Listed tackles who looked Awful. And the Corsair asks the question on everybody’s mind: Is Ryan Phillippe the new Chad Lowe?

So, what’d you think of the Globes? And please, Brokeback fans, don’t just say, "I thought they were gay."

Show Me Stupid!

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Feud

Here’s a little secret– we here at Best Week Ever love The Feud. If we’re lucky, maybe someday we’ll be invited on to battle against the stars of the WWE or American Gladiators. In the meantime, we’re forced to live vicariously through families like this one.

The question: Name a country other than the U.S. that you admire. The answer… click here to find out.

Billy Gets Toxic

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Uptown_girl

I had a dream… that one day somebody would successfully mix the video for Billy Joel’s "Uptown Girl" with Britney Spears’ "Toxic." Today is that day.

Watch the video here. And be amazed by the fact that this video was shot just 20 years ago. How far we’ve come.

Thighs Wide Movies 2005

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The Thighmaster saw a butt-load of movies this year (yeah, that’s right, I said butt-load) so you didn’t have to. Now that Awards season is upon us, the man has compiled a list a thousand times better than anything the Academy could ever come up with. Check it out here– everything from the bestest to the wurstest to the Worlds Most Pointless Movie About Sewing. Everything’s accounted for. Thank you Thighmaster. Thank you.

It Takes Different Strokes

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Thanks to yesterday’s ridiculous Steelers-Colts game, I still have football on the mind. Maybe that’s why John Madden singing the theme to Different Strokes is making me laugh right now. Well, it’s either that or the fact that I’m really hungover and just about anything would crack me up.

Listen to the song here. And get me a Tylenol.

Sulu Nation in da’ House!

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Sulu

George Takai is everywhere this week– siriusly. Well, we got him! That’s right, watch Best Week Ever tonight at 11 to get your Sulu fix.

Who’s having the first best week ever of 2006? There’s only one way to find out. Tune in tonight.