Thursday Morning Quick Hits: Fergie’s Phunking and Pitt’s Sick

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Brad Pitt diagnosed with viral meningitis. Spokeswoman Cindy Guagenti says he is doing well, and wants Rob Thomas to stay the hell away from him.

South Africa gets the memo and declares Wesley Snipes an "undesireable person" after he’s caught using a fake passport.  Snipes to South Africa: "The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping. There is another world beneath it. The real world."

Cooter wants you to boycott the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. So if I were you I would. You don’t want to upset a guy named Cooter, do you?

Desperate Housewives and Will & Grace top the list of Emmy nominations for primetime series, capturing 15 nods each. Now, who ever said the gays run Hollywood?

Usher opens up a camp for young wannabe performers… which he’s perfectly qualified to do thanks to his star turn in She’s All That.

Hockey is back!!!! Umm…. what’s hockey?

Fergie has confessed that she used to be addicted to drugs. She knew things were getting bad when she approached a guy and said, "I’ll phunk you for X."

Make it Hurt So Good

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If a guy who looked like a heavy William Hung… just danced like nobody was looking… to John Cougar Mellancamp… you’d think it would be a beautiful thing, right?

Right.

Watch it here. I want to take this guy to the prom.

Money for the nothing

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So what about all of those unknowns we see walking the red carpet, dancing on tables at random nightclubs, or singing their heart away when in fact, they suck! That’s right; they are one of “those.” Those who are famous for doing, well, absolutely nothing!

Here’s a top 10 list of people who really do absolutely nothing. Enjoy, take some hints, and maybe you (yes YOU) can become one of “those.” [Read the entire list here]

Link from the Phat Phree. Always funny.

Beckham’s Got a Whole Lotta Walkin’ To Do

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Walk out side-by-side with DAVID BECKHAM in front of a sold-out crowd of 27,000 at The Home Depot Center during the starting lineups of the Real Madrid vs. Los Angeles Galaxy match on Monday, July 18th![ebay link]

Okay. So let me get this straight. I’m supposed to bid for a chance to walk BESIDE David Beckham? Oh no-no-no. I mean if sex or freshly baked cookies were involved (preferably both,) I may have considered starting my bidding at $2,500.00 USD. But strolling along side him doesn’t quite do it for me. Is this even for charity?

I got an idea. Try this on for size…

David, I’ll give you $2,500.00 USD and a cookie, if you let me swiftly kick your ba…uh…soccer balls in front of a sold-out crowd of 27,000 at The Home Depot Center? Take one for the team.

Hurricane Dennis

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Pamplona, Spain – Dennis Rodman, legendary basketball player, former NBA Champion and showman, and Ray Sabbatini, a man stricken with Multiple Sclerosis, participated in the annual Running of the Bulls to help fund research to find a cure for the disease.

You can read more about it and watch the video HERE. Wow, I never saw Dennis run that hard when he was on the Bulls. Hey Dennis, here’s an idea: instead of entering wife-carrying competitions and running with the bulls, why don’t you play basketball again? Please? The league needs you back… I’m sick of making Ron Artest jokes.

No Hummer From Dirty Sanchez

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Smoking Gun
reports:

Radio listener sues after getting toy prize in lieu of real H2

JULY 12–A radio listener has gone to court claiming to have been
snookered by a California station that awarded her a new Hummer H2 in
an April 1 prize contest–and then instead presented a toy replica of
the expensive SUV. Shannon Castillo, 25, apparently did not recognize
the possibility that KBDS, a Bakersfield hip-hop/R&B outlet, was
perpetrating an April Fool’s stunt when she went to the station to
claim her vehicle. Castillo and another female listener thought they
won the $60,000 wheels in a contest during the KBDS morning show hosted
by deejays Chuey Boy and Dirty Sanchez. In fact, the women were given small radio-controlled toys
by Sanchez, who broadcast the presentation live via a cell phone.
Castillo, a mother of two who works in a sandwich shop, last month
filed the below breach of contract/fraud complaint against the radio
station in Kern County Superior Court. For its part, KBDS has not shied
away from publicizing its Hummer hoax.[ continue reading...]

This reminds me of the Hooters Toy-Yoda / Toyota mix up of 2001


South by Southwest Finalists Are Up!

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The finalist short films will be posted on the SXSW website starting
July 10th. At that time the SXSWclick People’s Choice voting will begin
and will also be available for download to various mobile devices. In
addition a specially selected jury will deliberate on the finalists.
People’s Choice and Jury winners will be announced on July 29th and
will be automatically entered to screen at the 2006 SXSW Film Festival,
March 10-18th in Austin, TX.

The Finalists have been announced. Watch the videos and vote for your favorite. [link]

To learn more about South by Southwest go here.

Wednesday Quick Hits: Lets go start a fight!

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Sean Connery decides to back-out of his biography deal . I guess we’ll know the juicy details of his affair with Trebek’s mother.

Jessica Alba
admits she gets jealous when her boyfriend is surrounded by circling vultures women and would be willing to initiate a catfight if deemed necessary. Hey, If she charges admission to an "Alba-all-star-catfight" she could rival her "Fantastic Four" film paycheck and viewer ratings.

Mariah Carey’s
has a wardrobe malfunction at concert, and yet she’s still winds up being the "good one" of the Carey family.

When regular people have the flu, they call in sick to work, drink ginger-ale, eat chicken noodle soup and watch The Price is Right. When Brad Pitt has the flu, he
checks into a hospital and it’s front page news at Yahoo. Your life however, will remain unaffected by this late breaking news.

Honda to discontinue production of top sports car NSX. Teenage boys,
manufacturers of staple-on spoilers, fart pipes go into collective panic.

**WARNING: Annoying Tom Cruise headlines below. Feel free to ignore their existence, much like I wish I could ignore his…**

Rob Thomas is shocked by reports he slept with Tom Cruise. Says he prefers Brad Pitt. So do I, Rob…so do I.

Pariscity council passes resolution "never to welcome the actor Tom
Cruise
, spokesman for Scientology and self-declared militant for this
organisation". Quick, someone inform France that "Mission Impossible" is just a mooooovvvie and that Tom Cruise was only "acting" like a tough guy. Then show them "Jerry Maguire", because it may be his pansiest role yet, which you know, should go over well with the French.

…get it?

cause they are pansies…Pansies I say! What? What you going to do France? Surrender? I thought so.

And now for a message to Tom Cruise from Alton Brown.

***please note that the submitter of this blog is 52.3% French and is by law allowed to openly mock them***

Fabio, After Dark

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Listen up men, and listen  up good. If you want to score with the ladies, the special ladies, there’s only one way to go about it. Forget about buying them flowers, chocolates, and expensive 
jewelry… if you want to open the lock to their hearts, then consider 
Fabio
to be the key. Fabio is a muscular man of mystery. He’s larger
      than life. He can’t believe it’s not butter. He’s one with
  nature
. And most
      importantly… he is wise in the ways of the international language of 
love. Sure, you could pick up one of the many, many, many romance  novels that he’s appeared on the cover of…[go now ]

I honestly don’t know where to start. Let’s just say that it’s Fabio‘s album, After Dark.  It’s basically porn music with Fabio talking to you (provided you’re a lady). It’s corny. It’s hilarious. It’s downloadable. It’s about two seconds away from being loaded on to my ipod. I’m a little bit blown away right now as I have been reduced to tears by it’s comedic beauty. I mean first the Fabio cover art discovery and now this.

Life is good.