Wednesday Morning Quick Hits (Take 1)



Someone started a petition to keep horrible show "The Comeback" on HBO.
Signatures stall at the 3,200 level, as that’s the total number of people
who’ve ever watched the show.

Paris Hilton
‘s ex-fiancee calls her, "The most incredible woman I’ve
ever met in my life."
In other news, a study finds that billionaire heirs
are incredibly sheltered.

Like herpes, Jimmy Kimmel is probably going to be with us until we die

Peter Jackson officially moves onto much bigger rings as he will be producing the live-action Halo movie.  Frodo unavailable for comment, but agrees it looks like a Puma.

Lindsay Lohan suffered minor injuries in her car crash.  Airbags deploy and deflate… again.

Lawsuit filed by suckers bilked into buying into the "Dr. Phil Weight
Loss Plan
." Next lawsuit will come from those who bought all those
bottles of "Dr. Phil’s Super Miracle Grow Hair in a Bottle."

Dr. Phil and Shaq to appear together in Scary Movie 4.  There is nothing good about any part of that sentence.

Lohan didn’t learn a damn thing from Herbie



This makes car crash #2. Turns out Lohan learned jacks**t from filming Herbie. That or she thought cars could actually save her from flying bananas, diamond thieves and pesky paparazzi. Perez Hilton has your story, complete with really annoying logos all over his crash pictures.[Perez Hilton Scoop]

Afternoon Quick Hits



Hugh Grant says he looks like a ‘butch lesbian’ with his hair cut
short. Hopes this will cover up his master plan of attracting more

Man ordered to quit stalking Pamela Anderson.  Penalty for non-compliance is a case of Hepatitis C.

Unable to sue for anything else, Canadian folk group sues Harry Potter flick producers.

Sports Illustrated writer
wonder’s if boxer’s death means we’re immune
to death in sport
s, fails to realize that we’re merely immune to boxing.

90% of US men and 70% of US women over sixty are overweight, no world on corresponding rates of Jolliness.

Microsoft walks out of talks with music companies in protest over
increased royalty rates. Microsoft doing something cool is right in
there between the boiling seas and the sun being black as sackcloth.

Parents forget 5-year-old son at bluegrass festival, now scarred for life by dueling banjos.

There is a new tourist in Paris



Paris has already moved on to another Greek billionaire. Yes he’s rich thanks to his daddy’s money which probably means they too, are soul-mates…

but guess who it is?

Oh yes, the s**t just hit the gossip fan, it’s Mary-Kate Olsen‘s boyfriend!  Just in case you weren’t 100% sure that Ms. Hilton was the richest piece of trash in North America, she once again, shows us her true colors. Now, we all know Mary Kate can’t participate in cat-fights due to her naturally tiny bones but maybe the twins can reunite and attack in unison. Together they are the strength of an angry 6 year old boy.

This is one fight I will pay to watch. Perhaps a tag team match? The Hiltons vs The Olsens. FOX? FOX executives…where are you? Pounce on this now. I urge you to initiate Celebrity death match 2005.

[Page Six Story and Gawker post]

Gwyneth is no Angelina



There is no real reason to post this other than it may be the best Vogue photo-shoot in years. This is of course, the opinion of one, but every photo in this spread is perfection. Enjoy the eye candy.[Just Jared Link]