Give Me Back My Family!


(A Best Week Ever Retrospective)


With Harrison Ford’s new film "Firewall" coming soon to a theater near you, we thought you might like to know that this film is actually much more significant than your run-of-the-mill "use some fancy computer word as the title for a by-the-numbers action movie" techno-thriller.  No, "Firewall"  is actually a single part of a much larger, much more awesome body of work (like Votron) that you may not already be aware of. 

You see, in the late 1980′s, Harrison Ford was almost exclusively known for playing the brash, smart-mouthed, romantically inclined action hero (ie. Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Jack Trainer from ‘Working Girl’, etc.) – men who would save the world, then kiss the closest pretty lady on the mouth, really hard. 

However, with 1988′s "Frantic", Ford began taking his very first steps down a new career path that would ultimately come to define his latter years as an actor: the action-thriller in which he must save his imperiled family.  Over the next two decades, whenever someone wanted to make a movie about a middle-aged "regular guy" whose wife or family’s well-being was somehow put into high-concept, life-or-death danger (usually at the hands of "terrorists"), Harrison Ford became THE go-to guy.  Consider the examples below:

  • Frantic (1988) – While in Paris attending a conference, Dr. Richard Walker’s wife Sondra mysteriously disappears. When the French police prove to be of little help, he begins the search by himself and kicks a bunch of asses and saves his family. 
  • Presumed Innocent (1990) – After his former girlfriend (close enough) is killed and he becomes the prime suspect, D.A. Harrison Ford goes on a search to find the real killer and finds out he/she may be closer to him than he thinks, and kicks a bunch of asses and saves his family.
  • Patriot Games (1992) – Jack Ryan and his family ruin the IRA’s plans to assasinate one of England’s highest rated political men, and soon end up being targeted by them. Jack Ryan tries to prevent this, leading to action and terror, and a bunch of kicked asses and a saved family.
  • The Fugitive (1993) – Wrongly convicted of murdering his wife, Dr. Richard Kimble escapes from a prison bus and tries to find out why she was killed and who the murderer really was and kicks a bunch of asses and saves his family. 
  • The Devil’s Own (1997) – Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt star in this thriller about an IRA gunman who draws an American family into the corssfire of terrorism.  Ford plays a local cop who finds out the truth about Pitt and kicks a bunch of asses and saves his family. 
  • Air Force One (1997) – Hijackers seize the plane carrying the President of the United States and his family, but he (an ex-soldier) works from hiding to defeat them, kicks all their asses and saves his family. 
  • Firewall (2006) – With his family held for ransom, the head security executive for a global bank is commanded to loot his own business for millions in order to ensure his wife and children’s safety.  He does this by kicking a bunch of asses and saving his family.
  • Indiana Jones and Loss of the Family (2007) – When someone messes with his family, Dr. Jones is forced to run through caves, snake pits, sunken cities and volcanoes to track down the people responsible, kick their asses, and save his family.  (Okay, we’re just kidding on that one.)

And so, kids – the lesson for today is you DO NOT mess with Harrison Ford’s family, or you WILL get your asses kicked.

This Day Last Year



This day last year, Janaury 25th, 2005:

Harvey Weinstein made a bad decision worth $7.5 million when he purchased "The Matador" starring Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnon at Sundance, while Pam Anderson and half-pint hottie Stephen Dorff caroused in Park City. And back in the City of Angels, Sigourney Weaver got charged with driving under the influence. All in all, a pretty sh**ty day for our celebrity friends.

Milk Gone Wild



There is a rather unsettling spoof of "Girls Gone Wild" here. It involves udders and is not recommended for the lactose intolerant.

Do the Badr-Man



The Simpsons are going to the Middle East! Except their names will be the Shamshoons:

The Simpsons fans in the Middle East reacted with skepticism when MBC, an Arabic satellite channel, announced it would begin showing culturally modified, Arabic-dubbed versions of the iconic animated show. The Arabic dialogue laid over existing shows is actually fairly faithful to the original script. Nothing seems censored, but episodes such as those featuring Homer’s gay roommate or the visit to the Duff brewery are unlikely to be chosen for translation. And many of the more American inside jokes are simply glossed over.

Ned Flanders, the devout Christian neighbor, is now merely annoying — with no hint of religion. And needless to say, the relationship between Mr. Burns and his assistant, Smithers — make that Salmawy — has become strictly professional.

Some other changes:

Bald, chubby underachiever Omar Shamshoon works each day at the local nuclear power plant owned by vulture-like millionaire Mahrooey Bey. Every evening, Omar comes home to a family that includes his blue-haired wife, Mona, hyper-smart daughter, Beesa, and troublemaking son, Badr.

Now that’s winning hearts and minds.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Rocks-Rolls



The indispensable Goldenfiddle reminded us that Jada Pinkett-Smith’s metal band Wicked Wisdom is playing Letterman tonight. Here’s a little description of the group:

There she was fronting the Wicked Wisdom, an otherwise all-male group of menace-rockers. Smith takes pains to present the band as a collective, but make no mistake, the actress-singer-wife commanded the attention. In fact, the audience of young men — few nancy-boys among them — were slightly taken aback by the sight of her.

Her eyes bulged like Jack Nicholson. A black muscle shirt revealed formidable triceps, which were taut like the rest of her. She did the devil-horn thing with her fingers, and her demonic tongue-waving would trouble even Linda Blair. Here could be the distressed, bastard hate-child of Henry Rollins and Diana Ross, I kid you not.

In the words of Paul Shaffer, “Yeah!”