Tuesday Morning Quick Hits



And when she’s walking, She’s looking so fine, And when she’s talking, She’ll say that she’s mine. Uptown Girl Christie Brinkley returns to the modeling world for CoverGirl. In other news, Billy Joel is still out of work. Good luck with that Billy.

Bobby McFerrin decides to take some time off work to stop worrying and concentrate on being more happy.

Keira Knightley loves it when director Tony Scott calls her names like "Nasty bitch". She likes to be bad. Bad only for Tony… How very naughty. In similar news, Paris Hilton knows she’s a dirty girl and takes three baths a day.

Get me to watch Ashlee Simpson on SNL once, shame on you. Get me to watch Ashlee Simpson on SNL twice, shame on me.

Finding a virgin in Hollywood is harder than finding a straight man at a Johnny Mathis concert.

Van Halen suing Baltimore Orioles for $2 million.  Eddie reportedly pissed at Rafael Palmeiro for not sharing his stash.

Holy Cannoli,I just don’t think it gets any lamer than
this folks: Donald Trump has started an online university/blog. I suggest you start with the comment section. Flame him good and hard. Show him how tough the internet is…*reminder* Be sure to attach an "owned" tag to your comment upon posting.

The first half of Family Guy‘s season 4 is to be released on DVD this November. Be sure to pick up a copy of that along with FOX‘s other hit show "Fast Animals, Slow Children."

Does Todd Meister still



Remember Nicky Hilton’s super-short marriage to Todd Meister? Well it might be possible that Todd spends his days at work googling images of little Nicky, pining over his loss. Yep. This livejournaler posted to Oh No They Didn’t recording her workplace encounter with Todd. Once again, I must remind you that EVERYTHING you read on the internet is true and that I’m sure this story is a 100% genuine account of her day.[link]

True or not, I laughed. Sorry Todd.

Paris Hilton replaces another friend



"In a shocking scandal that would not be news any other month but August — when frankly nothing else is going on — Paris Hilton has split with her teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell.

The miniature mutt has been callously replaced with a smaller version called Bambi."

Does this mean when Paris gets too big we can replace her too? Or how about just now? Can we replace her now? [link]

Monday Afternoon Quick Hits: The Last of The Famous International Playboys



is going to co-host New Years Eve bash with Dick Clark.
Appropriate, since Seacrest’s balls haven’t dropped yet either.

"Sex & The City" creator, author collaborating on similar new
project featuring older people
; thankfully the words "Bea" and "Arthur"
do not appear in link.

Demi calls Ashton her "soul mate."  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

New Kevin Bacon film featuring threesomes and lesbian scenes may get NC-17 rating for "too many thrusts". BLT: Bacon, Lesbian and Threesome sandwich anyone?

Morrissey’s Hollywood home available for $2 million. Heaven knows he’s miserable now.

Hugh Jackman
turns down three picture deal to be the new James Bond,
because his wife said so. In other news, he has officially changed his
named to *Wa-tsssh* or however you spell the sound of a whip cracking.

Reading is so last year.



If there’s anyone out there struggling to get through Victoria Beckham’s biography, don’t worry, she hasn’t read it either.

Or any other book for that matter, well, that’s what she recently told a Spanish journalist.

The Daily Mail claims that Posh said: "I haven’t read a book in my
life. I haven’t got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although
I do love fashion magazines."

KIDS, if Victoria Beckham doesn’t have to do it, I don’t see why you should even be in school pretending to read. In fact, stop reading all together. THESE WORDS YOU SEE, find a way to lose focus on them. It’s not worth the effort. If you want a career as successful and satisfying as being a Spice Girl, the secret is out and the time is now.[link]  

Will Smith Intimidates Me



"It’s Summer, so of course I’m thinking about Summer Songs. You know,
those special songs that everyone loves to hear non-stop all summer
long. Songs like "Yeah", "Crazy in Love", and "Summertime". These are
the songs that the nerds, the jocks, the sportos, the motorheads, the
dweebies, and the dickheads all love equally. These are the songs that
everyone can agree on. They can be played at your parents BBQ or at a
skinhead rally, it doesn’t make a difference. These summer songs unite
us all, until fall."

Continue reading Paul Scheer’s piece on Will Smith at College Humor and find out why the Fresh Prince scares Paul.

Monday Morning Quick Hits



It seems Sir Laurence Olivier couldn’t keep up with Vivien Leigh’s demands of sex three times a day. Good god…Vivien, you lucky Girl. My tears don’t love you, Vivien! They blight and curse and damn you!

New reality show
is like ‘Cribs’ for dictators, but with camels instead of Jaguars.

98-pound speed-eating marvel Sonya Thomas eats 11.3 pounds of lobster
(44 lobsters) in 12 minutes, she is definitely not a cheap date.

Monty Python’s Terry Jones hooks up with fangirl four decades his junior. Say no more!

Jerry Lee Lewis closes his home to tourists. No more piano shaped pools for you.

Midgets love basketball…and we love midgets. (yes there is a picture)

Meanwhile back in Italy, Italians love balsamic vinegar, celery and tomato ice-creams. Violet Beauregarde surrenders.