CORN FLAKES: Your Essential Inessentials



  • Rocker Pete Doherty has been sentenced to one year of community service for possession of drugs. But don’t worry; he believes that if he gets high enough it’ll only feel like a couple of weeks.
  • Paris Hilton has been issued a restraining order to stay away from a 37-year-old event planner. Now if only somebody could issue her a restraining order to stay away from cameras.
  • Angelina Jolie has supposedly asked a past lesbian lover to be the godmother of her children. If there’s only one story this  year that bridges the gap between the old scary/sexy Angelina and the new motherly/humanitarian Angelina, it’s this one.
  • President Bush wants the cartoon violence to end. Hagar The Horrible responds, "No dice."
  • Simon Cowell says he’d sleep with Paula Abdul to "relieve the tension." In other news, Simon Cowell is horrible at foreplay.
  • The Rolling Stones are pissed that they were censored at the Super Bowl. Seattle fans eagerly try to find a way to blame that on the referees as well.

Chicken Revived by CPR



According to CNN, a chicken was revived by mouth to beak resuscitation after being found floating face-down in a pond. Marian Morris said she hadn’t had any practice with CPR in years, but she was interested to see if she "still had it."

According to the chicken, she never lost it.

Ludacris on “SVU”; Plus, Cracking the “L&O” Code



According to the New York Daily News, Ludacris is joining the Dick Wolf empire:

Chris (Ludacris) Bridges is the latest familiar face set to pass through "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit." The hip-hop artist will appear in an upcoming episode of Dick Wolf’s popular NBC series playing Detective Fin’s (Ice-T) nephew.  "I have been a fan of Dick Wolf’s ‘Law & Order’ for a long time," said Bridges in a statement. "When I was approached to work on ‘SVU’ and read the script, there was no way that I could turn down this amazing opportunity. The character was so rich and the story line so complex that I knew it was something I had to do."

Read more…

SIZZLER(ISH): Bill Nye the Science Guy Gets Married



From the AP:

Bill Nye is no longer the Single Guy. Nye, who hosted the
educational PBS series "Bill Nye, the Science Guy" during its nine-year
run, married his fiance Blair Tindall last Friday, it was announced

50-year-old, bow-tied Nye and Tindall, author of "Mozart in the Jungle"
and a former concert oboist, exchanged vows at a conference where Nye

They were married by the Rev. Rick Warren, pastor and author of "The
Purpose-Driven Life." Cellist Yo Yo Ma, accompanied by MIT Media Lab
Professor Michael Hawley on the piano, performed a wedding march.

Is anyone else thinking of the pool scene in Real Genius?

NBC: Our Shame Is Showing



I just saw a promo for Fear Factor: Freaks and Geeks. So let me get this straight: The network that canceled one of the best shows ever (Freaks and Geeks) is using the name of that show to get people to watch one of the lamest and most exploitative shows ever? Now that’s classy!




The Unknown Species of Bird of the Day is the Berlepsch’s six-wired bird of paradise, named after the "six fine feathers about 4 inches (10 centimeters) long on the head of the male which can be raised and shaken in courtship displays." According to CNN, this bird was found among other new species of birds, butterflies, frogs and plants in a "lost world" in the jungles of Indonesia.The expedition

also took the first photographs of a Golden-fronted bowerbird in front of a bower made of sticks, while he was hanging up
blue forest berries to attract females.

It found a rare tree kangaroo, previously unsighted in Indonesia. Beehler said the
naturalists reckoned that there was likely to be a new species of
kangaroo living higher altitudes.

Congratulations, six-wired bird of paradise and all your recently discovered friends!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Vanity Fair Shoot


Everybody’s talking about the new Vanity Fair cover. Well, now there’s a Behind The Scenes video to provide you with even more Scarlett and Keira.

Watch it, but just be warned: it’s kind of like watching a cheesy B-movie that was edited for USA’s Up All Night in 1994. There are hot women who are almost naked, there’s bad music, a sleazy looking guy revealing too much chest hair, and there’s no plot whatsoever. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it now, just like I enjoyed The Bikini Carwash Company then.