P. Diddy will host the 2005 VMA’s. His opening monologue is expected to be one part Chris Rock and two parts horrifying train wreck.
Brittany Murphy has signed on to star in ads for Jordache jeans. Finally, a role she can handle.
Jane Fonda is taking a cross-country bus tour to oppose the war in Iraq in a bus fueled by "vegetable oil." Um, seriously? Does that actually work? If so, I think we’re two seconds away from declaring war on Wesson.
Teri Hatcher likes to have sex in a van parked in her driveway. Man, that is one desperate housewife. Get it? Get it? Desperate housewife? Get it? Kill me.
More and more video game developers are creating titles for Christian gamers. Next up: Grand Theft Auto: Nazareth. Meanwhile, Jewish gamers are still stuck playing their old Sonic The Rabbi games.
Kevin Federline missed his son’s first birthday. But don’t be mad, he was really, really busy that day. He had to um… tan. And, um… watch TV. And uh… hey! Nachos are done!
A guy who claimed he had a summer romance with Jennifer Aniston in 1984 is auctioning off her old love letters, notes, pictures, and other memorabilia. It’s all part of his plan to discourage women everywhere from having premarital summer sex ever again.
I’m not going to pretend to know what’s really going on in this image. I’m just going to see what you folks can come up with.
Cityrag has made a tremendous discovery today. Well actually she has made two big discoveries today and I can’t stop staring. [link]
Charlotte Church is the latest star to fall for Scientology. Edna Garrett always seemed so wise, too…
Brad and Angelina to wed in September. Plan to adopt all of Africa soon after.
Ricky Martin wants to end Arab stereotypes. Ironically, Arabs want to end Ricky Martin.
Many war veterans think the "Wedding Crashers" website isn’t funny. The world takes note. Next up: their opinion on farts.
All my Cyberpunk fiction fueled nightmares are coming true: it’s raining ads.
Huey Lewis is set to join the cast of "Chicago." And the news? They’re still unemployed.
The scientist who found a link between smoking and lung cancer died Sunday, at the age of 92. Investigators suspect foul play… or the fact that he was 92.
Maytag hesitant to let Whirlpool see its books. Critics deny money laundering may be involved. *zing!*
Bill Gates continues to strive for global dominance as Microsoft takes on the world with their own version of Earth. Think Google maps only more suckage. On a serious note though, while I’m still a google maps fan, you have to admit the click and drag compass feature is a pretty nice touch. *cough* Microsoft sucks *cough.* what? what?
Well, there’s your hint. Maybe. I’m not sure. Actually, I’m a little confused.
I guess you’re going to have to tune in tonight at 11 and all weekend long to find out. Have a good one.
EVERYTHING Jimmy Fallon does is hilarious. HE’S HYSTERICAL. Look at him, walking. Genius. Who is renting TAXI with me tonight? Anyone? ME. I am. I’m renting it right now. Done. Bam!
Seriously though, I mean Fever Pitch was a COMEDY GOLD MINE. Are the Sox winning? Losing? Is he going to lose his mind? Lose the girl? JIMMY FALLON wins at life. I mean, Saturday Night Live just isn’t the same without him is it? Can we also start a petition to bring back Fallon to SNL?
I can’t get over this picture. Look at how FUNNY he is! I mean, no wonder Horatio Sanz couldn’t keep a straight face around him. The guy just screams FUNNY. I’d go on and on about this but I am having trouble typing through the tears…
I frikkin’ love this man!
Thank you Jimmy Fallon. Thank you for providing us with non-stop laughter. You are truly the funniest man to ever grace this earth. The world needs more people like you Jimmy Fallon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch my Pauly Shore DVD box set for more genuine laughter.
God speed Jimmy Fallon. God Speed.
This Guy Doesn’t Disown His Toyota, and Gets Beaten Up By a Little Girl.
Why can’t our Toyota commercials be this fantastic? Huh? I am going to start a petition, yes..a petition to ensure that our car commercials involve more little girls kicking the crap out of grown men. Mostly because it’s priceless. Sort of like midgets only cuter.
I’m going to make it happen people. Just believe.[link]
In this faux trailer, we see what College life might be like for some
Jedi training at the Academy. From fraternities to parties, and
everything in between, will they be able to graduate in just four
years? Or at all?
Jedi training and fraternities just shouldn’t mix. That’s all I am going to say.[Link]
Daily Blog Plug: Overheard in the Office
Guy #1: Is this a picture of your daughter?
Guy #2: Yeah. She’s really starting to fill out.
1501 E. Woodfield Road
In case you haven’t already bookmarked Overheard in the Office, I suggest you do so. It’s by the same people who brought you Overheard in New York, which to this day I believe is the greatest site in existence.[Link]
Strangest wrestlers from the eighties
Wrestling has been around for a very long time but the eighties really
elevated the sport into the mainstream category. 1984 was the birth
year of the annual wrestling Superbowl called Wrestlemania and launched
the career of guys like Hulk Hogan and King Kong Bundy. These wrestlers
were pretty normal however. They just acted like wrestlers. You may
think thatâ€™s normal, but in wrestling, almost nothing is normal. See,
every wrestler has to have a gimmick which separates him from the rest
of the bunch….
Wrestling will never be that amazing again. Ever. That hurts a little bit, deep down inside…[Link]
This following link is more smurf than you can probably handle. Smurf on.[link]
‘Desperate Housewives’ claims a solid gay following — Fox immediately signs Bette Midler, Liza Minelli, and Cher to star in "My Big, Gay, Reality TV Show."
CBS still adrift without an anchor.
Kyra Sedgwick declines Playboy offer to show parts that are often zero degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon.
Minor League baseball fans bring baby items to Jennifer Garner’s baby shower at stadium to benefit low-income parents. Somehow this makes sense in West Virginia.
2 ATV Riders Crash on the way to the funeral of another ATV Rider. Darwin loves it.
Florida woman and God share a phone number in Bruce Almighty. Two years later, people still call her asking for God. And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
Polanski wins libel suit against Vanity Fair. It’s one thing to call
him a pedophile but don’t you dare say he’s "callously indifferent!"
Taking a break from real news (i.e. Jude & Sienna, Pam & Tommy, etc.), we here at BWE decided to check out CNN.com to find out what’s going on in our country. APPARENTLY our President (not Bill Clinton, I guess there’s a new guy now…when the hell did that happen?) just nominated a guy named John Roberts to the Supreme Court.
Now, at first we were excited. Wow! John Roberts! That’s great! We loved him in Best of the Best, and his performance in the Killers video for "Mr. Brightside" is phenomenal. But no, it turns out that that’s ERIC Roberts. John Roberts is some conservative dude who went to Harvard, not the Pope of Grenwich Village. Interesting choice. I think I would have went with Eric.
Over at Tequila Red they have a list of who they think should have been nominated. Tom Cruise, Oprah Winfrey, and the Verizon guy, amongst others. All great choices, if you ask me. Check it out here.
If you got to nominate somebody to the Supreme Court, who would you go with? I think I’d pick Gwen Stefani, because we know she ain’t no hollaback girl. And in my humble opinion, the last thing we need in the Supreme Court is another hollaback girl. I mean, enough is enough.
Johnny Depp surprised that his latest character, a pasty, androgynous weirdo with a penchant for little kids, reminds people of Michael Jackson. The Oompa Loompa named Bubbles didn’t help, either.
Jessica Alba tells the press of her steamy french kiss… with a monkey. What happened to that whole not kissing and telling thing? Monkeys count damnit.
Canada legalizes gay marriage nationwide. Husbands stop loving wives, society crumbles…
Japaneshe reshearchers unlock myshteries of drunkenenness/.
Volvo asks Swedish government if they could drive drunk. Not to be outdone, BMW asks German government if it’s cars could offer Weizenbock on tap.
And now for the "Worstest Album Covers Ever III". Umm, it just got worstier?
Late breaking proof of R. Kelly’s innocence!